The Ex-Gay Movement

Thanks for posting this. If only more people across the country could just realize that being GLBT is not something to try to "fix" or "cure". When they do, things'll be so much better off...

And thanks for mentioning trans in there, too. Most folks just have GLB and forget that we're fighting the same war for our rights and respect as people, whether we're straight, gay or bi.

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"Our lives begin to end when we become silent about things that matter."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Live one day at a time, emphasizing ethics rather than rules."
-Wayne Dyer

I don't think such "ex gay" groups are right or a good idea, but in my personal experience, being gay/lesbian/bi is something people can change, or just decide upon; I'm not saying it's like that for everyone, but I know it can happen, because I've seen it, with some of my friends.

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~I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.~

Thank you for your posting. Please be assured that Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) is not an anti-gay organization -- we are a pro-ex-gay organization dedicated to educating the public regarding ex-gay men and women, and to supporting the ex-gay community and those families whose lives have been touched by homosexuality. Gay men and women contact us for assistance in leaving homosexuality. Ex-gays also contact us for support in living lives free of hate and discrimination. We are here to help both. PFOX’s statement of principles can be found at www.pathinfo.org

Homosexuality is not a choice in that no one chooses same-sex feelings or asks for them. But unwanted same-sex attractions can be overcome. Ex-gays can testify to the fact that same sex attractions can change and that those with unwanted same sex attractions can seek help in overcoming their feelings. All individuals with unwanted same sex attractions deserve the right to self-determination and happiness based on their own needs, and not the needs of others.

Every year, thousands of gay men and women make the personal decision to leave homosexuality by means of therapy and/or ex-gay ministry. Their decision is one only they can make. We at PFOX respect that decision. However, there are other people who refuse to respect individual self-determination, and endeavor to attack the ex-gay community. Media dealing with tolerance and hate issues generally fail to discuss the discrimination faced by ex-gays and their supporters. Consequently, you may be unaware of the widespread intolerance practiced against lesbians and homosexuals who choose to leave homosexuality. For example:

· The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Educational Network (GLSEN) has spent thousands of dollars distributing a school booklet accusing ex-gays of "harassment" because ex-gays want the same access to schools as gay affirming groups. GLSEN also urged the Seattle school district to stop renting space to a church because the church supports ex-gays. GLSEN’s local Education and Training Director equated the ex-gay “message on campus” to “bullying and harassment” of students.

· Tim Wilkins was fired from his job as supervisor at the Raleigh News & Observer for daring to “come out” as a former homosexual.

· An episode of the NBC TV show “Will and Grace” condemned ex-gays as “freaks,” “self-loathing closet cases,” and “morally wrong.”

· At the request of several gay student groups, Harvard conducted two separate investigations against employee Larry Houston because he discussed his former homosexuality on the school campus.

· Facing homosexual pressure campaigns, Detroit’s three major television networks refused to run ads featuring ex-gay men.

· After receiving complaints from gay activists, the Michigan State Medical Society abruptly revoked its grant of continuing education credits for an ex-gay conference sponsored by the Catholic Medical Association.

· Cornelius Baker, the executive director of an AIDS clinic (Whitman-Walker) that receives federal funding, labeled ex-gays as “political extremists” who “tortured and brainwashed” teens, although he endorses gay outreach to questioning youth.

· After receiving “threats, insults and brutal letters” for running an advertisement for an ex-gay book, Psychology Today Editor Bob Epstein acknowledged the “dark, intolerant, abusive side of the gay community.”

· Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays (PFOX) had to file a sexual orientation discrimination complaint against the National Education Association (NEA) for prohibiting ex-gays from exhibiting at NEA conventions. The NEA, which allows gay booths, is the nation’s largest teachers’ union, and in some areas membership by educators is mandatory. Although the NEA has condemned the Boy Scouts for excluding gays as scout leaders and urges public schools to refuse use of their facilities for Boy Scout meetings, it consistently discriminates against former gays. The NEA claims it can legally exclude ex-gays from its facilities because it is a private organization. Ironically, this is one of the same arguments used by the Boy Scouts in its successful Supreme Court case, Boy Scouts of America v. Dale. However, unlike the Boy Scouts, the NEA has issued resolutions calling for sexual orientation tolerance and diversity, so it cannot claim that it has asserted views opposing sexual orientation.

· Orlando Commissioner Patty Sheehan denounced her fellow commissioner for issuing a proclamation honoring an ex-gay organization even though she herself freely makes proclamations celebrating “Gay Days” every year at Disney World. Ms. Sheehan, an open lesbian, went so far as to compare the ex-gay organization to the KKK, thereby demeaning African-American ex-gays.

· Equality Virginia and other gay activist groups demanded that DC Metro remove PFOX’s subway billboards advocating tolerance for ex-gays. As a result, the District of Columbia Metro system voted to eliminate the non-profit billboard rate for all charities.

The list is endless because every day brings new discriminatory acts against the ex-gay community simply because we dare to exist. Former homosexual men and women, as well as their friends and family, feel threatened because they are subjected to a hostile environment if they publicly claim their former homosexuality or support of the ex-gay community. If it were not for ex-gay organizations, former gay men and women would have no support in an increasingly hostile environment.

Individuals who pursue alternatives to homosexuality should not be subjected to discrimination, ridicule, or marginalization. The addition of ex-gays to the diverse realm of sexual orientation ensures tolerance for all segments of our society. All people should be treated with dignity regardless of their sexual orientation.

Again, we thank you for your e-mail and this opportunity to clarify misunderstandings. Although we may disagree, we respect your opinion. Indeed, we do not ask for your approval -- only your tolerance. We hope that the below Q&A will answer your questions:

Do gay activists oppose the efforts of PFOX to protect the equal rights of ex-gays?

They shouldn’t. Gay advocacy groups now represent homosexuals, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, the intersexed, and questioning youth. The addition of ex-gays to the highly diverse realm of sexual orientation ensures tolerance for all segments of our society. If it were not for ex-gay organizations like PFOX, former gay men and women would have no support in an increasingly hostile environment. Nor would homosexuals and lesbians have access to information on the right to change their sexual preference if they so choose.
PFOX is not an anti-gay organization – we are a pro-ex-gay organization. PFOX believes that all people should be treated with dignity. We respect the opinions of others, even if they disagree with us. Indeed, we do not ask for their approval – only their tolerance.

Do I have to dislike ex-gays if I have gay friends or family?

No! You can have friends who are gay and other friends who are ex-gay. Befriending the ex-gay community does not mean that you are being disloyal to the gay people you know and love. Just like you have straight friends, you can also have ex-gay friends.

I’m happy being gay, so why should gays change their sexual orientation?

Change is only for those with unwanted same sex attractions. What makes you happy may not make someone else happy because we are all individuals. Please respect other people’s decisions for their lives.

What is the ex-gay movement?

Former homosexuals are the last invisible minority group in America. The ex-gay movement is a civil rights movement to ensure the inclusion of former homosexuals in all realms of society and to support the ex-gay community’s equal access to the public marketplace of discussion on sexual orientation. Ex-gays and their supporters should not have to be closeted for fear of other’s negative reactions or disapproval. We like to think that many ex-gays and their families are fine people. They do not think something is wrong with them because they decided to fulfill their heterosexual potential. Nor do they believe others should condemn them for the personal decision they have made for their lives.

Do gays undergo reparative therapy in order to become ex-gays?

Not all ex-gays underwent reparative therapy, or any other kind of change therapy, for that matter. Some ex-gays transitioned out of homosexuality by ex-gay ministries, Homosexuals Anonymous, group counseling, or on their own initiative. None of the medical or scientific associations prohibit reparative therapy or any other change therapy. Indeed, the associations adhere to a code of ethics which call for client self-determination of their individual therapy. Moreover, none of the associations condone intolerance against former homosexuals.

Do mental health associations support change therapies?

Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, Professor of Psychiatry and Chief of Biometrics at Columbia University, now says homosexuality may sometimes be changeable. Dr. Robert Spitzer’s Columbia University study of former homosexuals documented that same sex attractions may be overcome. Ironically, Dr. Spitzer is the psychiatrist who initiated the removal of homosexuality from the psychiatric diagnostic manual in 1973. His provocative new study drew worldwide media attention at the American Psychiatric Association's annual conference on May 9th, 2001[i] and after peer review, it was published in the October 2003 journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.

“Like most psychiatrists," says Dr. Spitzer, "I thought that homosexual behavior could be resisted--but that no one could really change their sexual orientation. I now believe that's untrue--some people can and do change." A total of 200 subjects (143 men and 57 women) were personally interviewed by Dr. Spitzer.[ii] He now believes that "...there is evidence that change in sexual orientation following some form of reparative therapy does occur in some gay men and lesbians.”[iii]

Dr. Spitzer also stated, “It is often said that those who try to change their sexual orientation become very depressed as a result. That was not the case for the subjects of this study. There was in fact a marked decline in depression after their effort to change.” [iv] In his study, Spitzer found that 43% of men and 47% of women reported depression before reorientation therapy; after receiving therapy those numbers dwindled to 1% of men and 4% of women. According to Dr. Spitzer, "Patients should have the right to explore their heterosexual potential."[v]

The American Psychological Association admits reorientation therapy is not harmful. Dr. E. Mark Stern, Ed. D. Fellow of the A.P.A. and Professor Emeritus of The Graduate Faculty of Arts and Sciences, Iona College N.Y., has acknowledged that "the APA [American Psychological Association at its summer 2001 meeting] did admit that there was no body of evidence to prove that reorientation therapies are harmful."[vi]

Dr. Martin Seligman, (1998 President of the American Psychological Association), cites research in his book, What You Can Change and What You Can't, that he is optimistic about change for those who have had fewer homosexual experiences and/or some bisexual feelings.[vii]

Dr. Raymond Fowler, (CEO of the American Psychological Association), acknowledges that his interpretation of the APA's position on reparative therapy is that those who wish to explore developing heterosexual feelings or behavior have a right to do so as part of every client's right to self-determination.[viii]

Dr. Robert Perloff, (Past President of the American Psychological Association), condemns attempts to repress research on the effectiveness of reparative therapy.[ix]

Larry T. Freeman, MA, LPC, Manager, Ethics and Professional Standards for the American Counseling Association (ACA) [2005], affirms that “[T]he ACA’s Code of Ethics Section A.2. (Respecting Diversity) and b. (Respecting Differences) is applicable to clients who seek to change their sexual orientation. [T]he person(s) should have the freedom of choice to seek appropriate treatment for it…”

It is gratifying to know that struggling men and women seeking changes to unwanted same sex attractions won't be relegated to second class status in the mental health field simply because they want to live happier, fulfilling lives. We note that several studies on the efficacy of change therapies have been published in scientific journals. For example, see "Initial Empirical and Clinical Findings Concerning the Change Process for Ex-Gays” in the American Psychological Association journal Professional Psychology: Research and Practice (June 2002); “Motivational, Ethical, and Epistemological Foundations in the Clinical Treatment of Unwanted Homoerotic Attraction” in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 29, 13-28 (2003); “Can Some Gay Men and Lesbians Change Their Sexual Orientation?” in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol. 32, No. 5, 403-417 (October 2003); “Efforts to Modify Sexual Orientation” in Journal of Mental Health Counseling,” 20, 283-304 (1998); “Ethical Issues in Attempts to Ban Reorientation Therapies” in the American Psychological Association Journal Psychotherapy: Theory/Research/Practice/Training, Vol. 39, No. 1, 66-75 (2002), and “Young Women’s Relinquishment of Lesbian/Bisexual Identities Over a 5-Year Period” in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 352-3649 (2003).

Have mental health associations banned the practice of change therapies?

No. To be sure, nearly all mental health associations have issued advisories concerning sexual orientation change in counseling. The one that has not, the American Mental Health Counseling Association, has taken no position on the subject. However, these organizations have not banned the practice of reorientation therapies. Consider the words of the former Executive Director of the American Psychological Association (APA), Raymond Fowler:

The APA's position on reparative therapy is that those who wish to explore developing heterosexual feelings or behavior have a right to do so as part of every client's right to self-determination. If an individual is comfortable with homosexuality, it is not the role of the therapist to convince the client otherwise. If one's feelings are ego-dystonic and there is a desire to talk about changing, that is an acceptable choice and a psychologist may participate if he or she desires. – Ray Fowler, CEO, APA

This common sense statement makes clear that choosing an objective of reparative therapy is the decision of the client. Despite the fact that the mental health associations have politicized the issue of change, the APA chief makes it clear that participation does not violate ethical guidelines and may be an acceptable course. See also Ethical Principles of Psychologists and the Code of Conduct, American Psychological Association , Principle D. p 1599, 1992 (“[T]hat psychologists…respect the rights of individuals to privacy, confidentiality, self-determination and autonomy”). (Emphasis added.)

Dr. Spitzer was asked if the American Psychiatric Association should now revise the position statements revealing skepticism about sexual orientation change. He responded as follows:

I think they should; they will not be. It’s not going to happen in the near future, there’s no way it’s going to happen. I think the only issue is whether it goes beyond the position statement whether they go on to say its an ethical violation to do this kind of therapy but those position statements are not going to change. There’s, there’s a gay activist group that is strong and very vocal and recognized officially by the American Psychiatric Association. There’s nobody to give the other viewpoint. There may be a few people who believe it but they don’t talk. – Dr. Robert Spitzer, Columbia University

So despite Dr. Spitzer’s legitimate concerns that people not be forced into reorientation counseling, he clearly favors a revision in the official skepticism of mental health groups toward ex-gays. Dr. Spitzer has frequently commented that no one has any way to determine how many people can or will change, but he has stood by the view that sexual orientation is much more flexible than he thought before he conducted his study. So why would professional associations overlook the lives of ex-gays and claim reorientation to be ineffective? Dr. Spitzer related a hypothesis concerning that issue:

Now I do have to say that one of the concerns of people who have criticized the – the study has been criticized severely by many people particularly gay activists who apparently many feel quite threatened by it. I think they have the feeling that in order for them to get their civil rights its helpful to them if they can present the view that once you’re a homosexual it can never change. Which may actually, they may be right, politically it does help them but it may not be scientifically correct. – Dr. Robert Spitzer; 3/04

Why do critics keep beating the drum to eliminate reorientation counseling? According to Dr. Spitzer, it may have more to do with political objectives than clinical or professional ones.

The truth is Dr. Spitzer found that his participants benefited from their change experiences. Many were quite depressed prior to entering efforts to change sexuality and much improved afterwards. Dr. Spitzer notes: “The majority of the subjects reported moderate to severe depression before they were into therapy and there was marked change. Very few were depressed when we saw them.” In terms of numbers, 42% of men and 47% of women were clinically depressed. After counseling for change, only 1% of the men and 4% of the women continued to experience depression.

[i] Dr.Robert L. Spitzer, "200 Subjects Who Claim to Have Changed Their Sexual Orientation from Homosexual to Heterosexual", American Psychiatric Association Annual Convention, New Orleans, (May 9, 2001).
[ii] Ibid
[iii] Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, “Can Some Gay Men and Lesbians Change Their Sexual Orientation?... Archives of Sexual Behavior, Vol 32, No 5, October 2003, p 403.
[iv] Ibid
[v] Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, "200 Subjects Who Claim to Have Changed Their Sexual Orientation from Homosexual to Heterosexual", American Psychiatric Association Annual Convention, New Orleans, (May 9, 2001).
[vi] Dr. E. Mark Stern, "The Battle Against the A.P.A. Resolution, Interview" NARTH (2002), www.Narth.com
[vii] Reported in "1999 NARTH Conference, Speech by Brent Scharman," The NARTH Bulletin, (December 1999).
[viii] Ibid.
[ix] http://www.narth.com/docs/barring.html

To be honest, if your friends were able to just stop being gay then they werent really gay to begin with, they were experimenting. There is a huge difference and I think people who use gay/bi as a way of gaining attention and then "changing" just perpetuates the idea that true homosexuality can be fleeting.

William Saroyan wrote a great play on this theme, that purity of the heart is the one success worth having. "In the time of your life---live!" That time is short and it doesn't return again. It is slipping away while I write this and while you read it.

EXITING THE LIFE 11/19/06
Ex-gay ministries have existed for many years. I was first aware of this through literature put out by Teen Challenge Inc. in the late 1970s which featured a man and a woman who self-identified as ex-gay. They got saved, got heterosexualized, got married. In the picture, the woman could have been mistaken for a "butch" I suppose. She had short hair. I learned better later on. I now know that some butches have long hair. And lots of women who aren't lesbian or bisexual have short hair.

There existed in Albany NY for at least one summer Sunday night Christian meetings of a sort housed in a second-floor flat near the gay juice bar. I do not know which organization they represented nor what methods they used nor their success rate. None of my friends or acquaintances disappeared from the scene during the late 80s to take up a new straight life. They must have pulled from different parts of the community than the radical in-your-face activists that I was a part of and hanging out with.

How very odd in this day and age when GLBTIQ activists are protesting the inclusion of non-heterosexuality in a Department of Defense list of defects and conditions [an improvement over being considered as a "mental disorder"?] that the ex-gay movement would remain a source of hatred by those of us who celebrate our non-heterosexuality. Yeah, I am familiar with all of the arguements.

People in ex-gay ministries and counseling outreach services do occasionally wind up in bed with each other or with a wayward staffer. A few? some? folks seeking to get out of the life may feel deep self-hatred. Most? All? ex-gay places are run by fundies and we have suffered prejuidice and discrimination at their hands for eons. And yes, the monosexuals [homosexual and heterosexual] in the population do tend to believe that sexual orientation is static rather than fluid.

The bisexuals among us [that is the tribe I fall into] tend to believe that sexual orientation is fluid and [will at least give lip service to the idea] that one's sexual orientation throughout life can change and all of them are equally valid. AIS [Androgen Insufficiency Females] statistically are 100% either attracted to women or to both women and men. A few transgendered friends going through the procedures to match their external gender to their internal gender have experienced a genuine but unplanned sexual orientation change shortly after the introduction of hormone treatment.

So if seeking to trade in my sexual orientation for another one via the path that some people have chosen is not for me, I still do not have to invalidate those who have made different choices than I have. A campus which allows gay-straight alliances and glbtiq clubs to meet needs also to allow ex-gay groups the same privilege and voice that we experience and expect. A workplace which discriminates on the basis of past sexual orientation ought to be as offensive to the civil rights activist as one which discriminates on the basis of present sexual orientation.

A pastor who has recently confessed to dealings with a hustler [male prostitute for men] deserves respect for seeking to address his failings, regardless of how he chooses to do so. Ted Haggart has admitted to despising that part of himself which engaged in male one-on-one sexual conduct and will be seeking counseling from James Dobson [Focus on the Family leader, for those of you living in a news vacuum] because he wants out. Ted Haggart is married and he has broken his marriage vows. If I broke my marriage vows-- regardless of who I broke them with-- I might hate that part of myself too.

Give the man a break people. He done wrong. He is going to fix it the best he can. If he comes out deciding that he is gay or bisexual or straight I really do not care. I hope for his wife's sake that he is able to remain married to her and faithful to her alone. The GLBTIQ community is not the real victim here. Sure, Pastor Ted Haggard has been identified as someone who has been part of the very vocal system out in Colorado which would deny us civil rights. Should we deny him his right to decide how he wishes to conduct himself in his personal life?

The fact that restorative therapy has been dissed by the American Psychological Association back in August does not mean that it should be outlawed. Other mental health bodies have come out with statements of the dangers inherent in change ministries. Dangers like increased depression and self-loathing were mentioned. Reparative therapy has many uses with varying results-- depending sometimes on who is doing the reporting. Quite frankly, Haggard does not deserve to be on exhibit as "proof" that sexual orientation cannot be changed. And yes, even if he never embraces our struggle for civil rights, I hope he is successful in "exiting the life."

http://radical.sapphoq.com