To whom it may concern,
I am writing you today to protest my recent (and not-so-recent) treatment at your hands. In the unlikely event that you are unaware of your spectacular rudeness, I have collected here several statements made to and about me. A * indicates that the remark was shouted.
"What are you- Oh, I'm sorry."
"Hey, didn't you see the sign? That's not your bathroom."
"What the fuck are you doing in here?"*
"You're a dude, right? What are you doing in here?"
"Was that a guy?!"*
"Hey!"*
"You don't belong here!"*
Perhaps you don't see why I find these irritating. Perhaps you find yourself perfectly justified in screaming at an invader in your pristine sanctuary of femininity. I am willing to believe the best of your intentions as you might be (except in the second example - I know you and you are a professional asshole) unaware of my situation.
You see, I am what is conventionally referred to as a transgendered person of the FtM variety. For those of you who are too lazy to spend a moment on wikipedia.org, that means that I have a perfectly functioning female body that I do not belong in. With all due respect to those of you who enjoy your lumps and leakiness, I do not. My mind, whatever that means, is male. I often dress in conventional male attire, have short hair, and glare at anyone who calls me "she."
So why am I, a man, using your, a group of women's, bathroom? Well, that's difficult to answer. Most of it boils down to fear. If I were to use a men's bathroom at my school and encounter someone who knew me, I would be hard-pressed to explain myself. If I am harassed in a women's bathroom at least I can pull my shirt tighter around my chest and get a pass from biology. No can do in a men's room. Until I can get to a location where everyone knows me as a guy from the beginning I just don't feel confident enough to use the right restroom. So, whether either of us likes it or not, I'm using yours.
Is it really such a burden, though? I run in, pee, and run out again. You have intimidated me to the point where I rarely even wash my hands. Sure, I use a chunk of your valuable toilet paper, but is that so bad? Pissing, after all, is usually a solo activity (and I'm not really into the situations in which it's not), so I do my best not to interact with you. I don't swagger in and sexually harass you, or whack off on the toilet. Would it cost you so much to make my life easier by not screaming every time I pass by?
Waste elimination is a sacred institution in our culture. One of the arguments against the Equal Rights Amendment was that it would allow men and women to piss in the same places. Ironically, it hasn't prevented men like me from infiltrating your space and ruining your lives by flushing a toilet.
Long story short, could you please stop overreacting if someone who looks even a bit masculine strolls through your door? I'm sure you've harassed plenty of actual women as well, and they certainly don't deserve it. Even people like me are not out to get you, perpetuate the patriarchy, invade your "safe space," etc. We just need to go through the same bodily functions as you do. We all have the same bladders, after all.
Thank you for listening. I hope to see an improvement in your behavior in the future.
With all due respect,
Tobias
Well put! I'm not even transgendered and this happens to me on occasion, just because I am tall and have short hair. So I have SOME sense of what you experience. That said, it happens so seldom to me that I don't feel anxiety every time I have to pee. That is totally unfair to you. I hope this blog makes people a little more aware, and a lot less reactionary!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
See, this is what REALLY ticks me off: women yelling at women who don't conform perfectly to their definition of women. At least they have some justification in calling me on it, but you? Collateral damage in the war of gender enforcement. Stupid, stupid people.
Yeah, I hope so. The humiliation is getting old.
Thanks for the support. :dances:
T.k.
There is no justification for it! If it is not safe for you to go into a men's room to match your brain, who is ANYONE to tell you your vagina can't pee in a women's toilet?
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
At least they're yelling at an actual guy who, if it were possible, would not be in there. I dunno, it just seems like they're hitting an actual target rather than the tree next to it.
T.k.
But I am just so upset about the idea that you don't have a safe place to pee. It seems the right to urinate is among the most basic of rights. Grr. Unisex bathrooms for everyone!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Wow, I've never done this before. I don't think I would unless the person was sporting a full beard and/or was creepy looking. lol. Anyone that even remotely looks like the appropriate sex doesn't recieve questioning in my book.
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You have to know that it is just a reaction. I imagine it must be hard for someone in your situation to have to deal with something like this, but you cannot expect people to be able to just stop reacting automaticly to seeing a man walk in to the ladies restroom. It's a downright shock.
I know that you want to feel like you belong in a mens restroom before you go in there... no...not that, you want everyone else to feel you belong, you know you belong there. If it helps the transition though, men have a unspoken don' t look or talk to anyone else in the restroom untill bussiness is said and done policy that most even headed people keep.
Also it doesn't come as much a shock to seeing anyone in the mens bathroom, men, women, in between, doesn't matter, we all poop( though i try to stay out of public bathrooms for that). Also, another tip. Almost all men leave the public restroom toilet down and piss all over it so take a good look before you sit.
I understand that it's a shock. I'm protesting the automatic overreaction these people have to someone who has done nothing worse than look "wrong." Innocent until proven guilty, please.
I have used public men's rooms in the past, though only sporadically. There's always that fear of being recognized and being backed into a corner where I can't defend myself. It's irrational, since you're right, men don't look at each other. Maybe I need to be more confident. [-(
Thanks for the tip!
T.k.
I can understand your fear. I've seen many a bad man sitting in the restroom for long periods of time. Dont worry, one day you'll walk into that bathroom as confident as if you never had a doubt, and maybe you'll look back and laugh about this online conversation with a man way out of his ballpark.
i can understand where you would have alot of fear about getting caught for using the mens restroom. but as a woman, and having therefore expirenced this, i can say that women... will mentally rip you apart if given the chance... they bite with words. men on the other hand dont do that to each other... so i think you would receive alot less trouble if you were to just begin using the mens restroom.
personally i cant understand why anyone would ever say anything like that to you.. but like i said some people are just awful and im sorry youve had to suffer at their pre-judging hands
I guess outside of my school I really have no excuse. It's just a confidence issue that I need to get over.
Thanks for the support!
T.k.
yeah, so I have no problem waltzing into the guy's room if the women's bathroom in a public place is overly crowded. I mean, line out the door vs two empty stalls and I really have to pee... it's kind of a no brainer as far as I'm concerned. ;-) weird looks (I've never actually gotten a verbal complaint from a men's room. Maybe I'm just that hot) don't bother me because none of these people are ever going to see me again. I hope. :-P
If me and my female parts can click our heels into the urinal club with no worries, then I don't see why you should be getting any grief at all, ever. I am sorry you have to put up with that shite. No one is safe from criticism even in the privacy of their own bathroom stall these days, it seems. :-/
Oh but I am the vigilante who watches if people wash their hands so... if ever I've given you "a look," that's why. Please please please wash your hands before leaving the bathroom.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/sawaboof
"...There is a crushing guilt that comes with being a Catholic. Whether things are good or bad or you're simply... eating tacos in the park, there is always the crushing guilt."
-30 Rock-
Oh but I am the vigilante who watches if people wash their hands so... if ever I've given you "a look," that's why. Please please please wash your hands before leaving the bathroom.
And I'm probably the one standing beside you saying "wash your hands, other people have to touch that handle too!" There is nothing more disgusting (well, beside children with colds who sneeze and aren't quite old enough to take care of their own booger situation) than touching the door handle of a public restroom when you know half the people that walk in and pee walk out without touched that amazing invention called the sink.
ICK!!
:'((
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~Fallon~
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't- A. France
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Just a note- I don't always wash my hands because I'm allergic to dyes like Red40 and Yellow5, as well as some others. It's a life-threatening thing. I get the look a lot, and I'm just waiting for someone to say something. I know of other people that have allergies to perfumes, etc. that don't as well.
Oh, and I carry hand sanitizer. I usually do the whole wash with water only thing just to avoid The Look, but if there's soap everywhere I just bail.
I love abortion. Read more here:
http://progressiveu.org/044921-i-love-abortion-even-if-it-murder
I apologize if I have ever given you "the look." It's never even crossed my mind that allergies to soap were out there. I'm probably not going to stop with the look though... I think your situation may be pretty unique.
I'm glad you usually wash with water though. Even just that much does so much good. Soap doesn't actually kill germs--it really just loosens them up so the water can get them off. Water does a nice job on its own; soap just helps it along. The hand sanitizer probably helps as well. ;-)
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I would say that I've learned to ignore the look. The water at least seems to help it out some.
It is a very unique situation to be allergic to the dye, but I think that allergies to the fragrance are more common. Someone else a few days ago also mentioned that ADHD and Red 40 intolerance could be correlated with one another. I found that to be interesting, because it describes my whole situation.
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That I can understand and think it's awesome you carry hand sanitizer to do the job. It just really grosses me out to see someone use the restroom and not wash their hands (or use sanitizer) before putting their pee wiping hands all over the door handle, the shopping carts, items on the shelves. And fully half the people that use the bathrooms rush out without washing.
*shudder*
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Free books need new home.
~Fallon~
"If I fall asleep with a pen in my hand, don't remove it - I might be writing in my dreams."- Pace
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I'm sorry for grossing you out, but the context of most of these incidents has nothing to do with me actually using a toilet. Instead of changing in the locker room I change in a bathroom (illusions of privacy and gender-neutrality, I guess). There have only been a few times when I've used a toilet but been too intimidated to wash my hands - all other times I have taken the appropriately sanitary steps.
Sorry about the misunderstanding, and for those few times.
T.k.