Am I a terrible person? Today marks 9 months since the last time I've spoken to my mother. She calls every week but I just choose not to talk to her. I mean, why should I? She made my life hell for years. It was because of her actions that I didn't get to be a kid, that I was forced into raising my younger brother and sister. It was because of her irresponsibility and addiction that I picked up so many bad habits. She seriously screwed my life up. It's still pretty messed up. I was a happy kid, now I struggle to not be depressed. I tried to rebuild my relationship with her, but she just won't listen. It's literally gotten to the point that I'm trying to cut her out of my life. She's not invited to my graduation, and I honestly don't have much feeling left for her. I don't think of her as my mom, I mean yeah she gave birth to me, but that's about all she's ever done for me. My child hood memories of her involve either her having an asthma attack, yelling at my dad, putting her hand through a window, drinking, or leaving. My step-mom has done way more for me than my real mom ever has. I love my step-mom with all the love that I should have for my mother. Does this make me a bad daughter, a bad person?
Do I have a black heart?
By vern - Posted on April 22nd, 2008
Does this make me a bad daughter, a bad person?
Simply put...no. Not everyone can have the fairy-tale fantasy of a perfect family, and a good deal of people know where you're coming from on this front. I too cannot speak with my mother, who also has done nothing good for me except give birth to me.
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Mind Control is Easier Than You Think
It definitely does not make you a bad person. Sometimes there are people in our life that have a bad influence or don't contribute any good to us. I think since you have a mother-figure already, not talking to your mom would not be a horrible decision. It would be one thing if you always felt like you were lacking a mom and have no woman you could sort of "make" your mom. But really don't worry because you are not a bad person.
You are too sweet to be a bad person.
"Don't lay a cloak of guilt on your shoulders because others are evil"
-Terry Goodkind, sword of truth seris
That's my opinion. But I don't really know the kind of emotional strain you're going through. I probably won't for a while yet.
But that's my thought. May God guide your steps.
thanks for the suggestion...but I simply don't think that I can...it was pretty rough with her
Some people should not have children if they are not going to take care of them or make them suffer more through out their life. You are definately not a bad person. Although you may eventually feel guilty, this is probably the best thing because it may make your life even better.
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
no you had it hard and she made it hard for you; you did the best you could.
No, you dont have a black heart. Being biologically connected to someone does not make them your family. It takes love, and trust, and so much more to create the connection that we call family bonds.
Your mother made your life hell. She never acted like a mother to you, so what cause have you to treate her like one? If you've been able to move on and make something of your life, then dont let the past drag you down.
Maybe one day you'll be ready to forgive her, or she'll become worthy of forgivness. Then maybe you can consiter it. If you forgive her and speak to her, it should be because that is what you truly want, not because you feel obligated to do so.
I think you miss the point of forgiveness. If someone's 'worthy' of it, he is hardly in need of it.
But it sounds like your emotions are all amuck. If it's addiction that was the cause of her irresponsibility, maybe another chance may be in the cards. Addiction is an ugly, ugly disease....especially if it's alcoholism. Instead of not just answering her calls, maybe you could try to help her if you haven't already. Maybe this is her first step in trying to help herself? It's possible she figures that if her own children don't love her and give her a chance, why should she love and give herself another try?
I've lived with an addict for years, and HATED the person. I mean, pure hatred. Physical, mental, emotional abuse and NEVER thought I would speak to the person again. I never said "I love you" or touched them. They have been able to do a complete 180 and it has earned them a lot of respect from me.
Sometimes the key to empowerment is feeling strong. Hopefully some day you can help her fight the fight and both end up on top :-)
Times flies like the wind; fruit flies like a banana.
Not a black heart. It sounds more like a black-and-blue heart. You've been bruised by your relationship with her. Forgiveness is a great thing, but there is no reason you have to offer yourself up there to be hurt again.
I haven't really spoken to my dad in eight or nine years, until this year. The reason I chose to spend time with him was that 1.) my mom was having surgery and needed me there to help, and 2.) I had come to a place within myself where I knew he would say hurtful things and reject me again, but it was not going to hurt me this time. I just knew that I could face it without pain this year. I have accepted that he is who he is and he is not going to change, and so we will not have a relationship, but I will be cordial when we have to be around each other. It's pretty close to forgiveness...maybe as close as I'll get. The danger of forgiving completely is the risk of caring again, though at this point, I see him pretty much as the sperm donor my mom lives with, and not my dad.
Sorry, I made tat all about my situation, but sometimes we connect through sharing stories, you know? You're in a tough spot and I wish you luck.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I have a friend had a really bad childhood, and he one day decided he would be better then his parents. So you really should thank you mother for showing you how not to live your life.
thank you guys for all of your support...thank you for making me realize that I shouldn't feel bad...it means a lot to know that I'm not the only one going through this and that I have so much support...really you guys don't know how much reading all your comments meant to me