How Strange Life Is

How strange indeed. I haven't felt like myself for nearly a week now. Or at least, that's what I thought.

I have been extraordinarily happy. Now, this isn't your every day brand of happiness. At least not where I come from. This isn't happiness that comes from being with your friends or a loved one, from spending time with family, or even from consuming large amounts of chocolate and caffiene. This happiness does not come with the same energy that happiness usually comes with. In fact, due in large part to a health problem sending me down the road to anemia once again, I am physicaly drained all the time. Being drained like this normally accompanies sadness and boredom.

But this time around, I'm just...happy.

And there is some sort of energy that has come with this happiness. Instead of being physical energy, it's more of a manifestation of energy on a different plane. It has given me the motivation to get things done, the drive to get outside more. It has me wanting to get away from my computer and experience all that life has to offer.

I usually sit around all day, being lazy. I still want to sit around all day. But I want to do it outside, where I can watch the wind blow through the trees, and see the clouds roll across the sky. I no longer feel the need to hide from the sun, my arch-nemesis. Yet at the same time, I long for a clear sky and a full moon, with the frogs chirruping in the background.

I hate cleaning with a passion. I am terrible at it, I am slow at it, and I am never happy with the end result. Cleaning puts me in a foul mood.

Yesterday, I cleaned my room. It's still cluttered, but it's cluttered in a way that suits me. You can see most of the floor. The dustbunnies have been evicted, as have the cobwebs. And while I ws cleaning...I was enjoying it.

I don't like to cook. I have no talent at it. I mess up absolutely everything that isn't instant ramen or Rice-a-Roni. Today, I made macaroni salad. My mom's secret recipe. The best macaroni salad in the world. And I made it myself. I had a blast making it. The macaroni wasn't undercooked, as noodles cooked by me always are. I put in just the right amount of eveything. I did it by taste. And it turned out better than my mom's batch did.

Today, my family had its first happy holiday. I was too happy to be irritated with my brothers. My happiness was contagious. For the first time in my memory, we were able to celebrate a holiday without a fight. Not a single one.

I am looking forward to going to the doctor tomorrow. Never in my life have I looked forward to an appointment, even when I knew that something was wrong with me and I needed to go. The simple fact is that I do not like doctors. They give me the creeps. But this appointment puts a smile in my heart. It's as if I know that whatever is wrong will be figured out, and corrected. This is the doctor I chose. This is not the doctor my mom chose. And I am looking forward to seeing her.

My passion for writing has been renewed. I itch to write like I haven't in a long time. Ideas are flowing, scenes flashing before my mind's eye.

I have been more courageous than ever before. I have been more outgoing. I have spoken with strangers and not been afraid. I have visited an elderly neighbor and not felt out of place. I have been more patient, more caring, more considerate. I have looked toward the future, and have seen it as a blank slate, ready and waiting for me to fill it with whatever I choose. I have made a promise. I have made plans.

For the first time in my life, my self-esteem is flying through the roof.

I'm not really sure what caused this sudden change. All I know is that it happened around the same time my computer started acting up. In a way, I'm like my computer here. I am suddenly happy...at peace. There is no visible change. No outward sign. There is also nothing that I know of that has changed within me. I am still the same as I was before. I am just...happy. And my computer is just fine. No virus, no spyware, no hacker; there is nothing wrong with my computer that is detectable. Several people, some computer whizzes, some not, and one a computer technician for the government, have taken a look. Nothing is wrong, but it is acting so much differently. Like me.

I talked to my friend about it today. She told me it's because I've confessed my love. I'm not sure, though...it took a surge of courage from somewhere within me to do that. I think the change in me had, at that point, already begun.

I'm not sure what caused me to suddenly be so happy, courageous, and driven. I suppose it's just one of those strange things that life throws at us occasionally. But whatever it is, I've discovered a whole new meaning in life. And with this discovery, I'm going to go into the world and live a life I will never regret.

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