I read comments people have left me from my previous post and one really stuck out to me. The person told me that if I start loving myself that I'll eventually feel better about everything around me. I really think that person is right. I think that most of the problems I have at this point are because I don't really believe in myself or have self confidence anymore. I'm not even exactly sure why this happened, I haven't had this happen to me in a while where I thought this way about myself.
I think that one way to reaching my goals with fixing these problems, would be to learn to love myself. Realize that I am a great person and I am going to go somewhere in life. I shouldn't think so negative all of the time when it comes to doing something that I might not be good at. I should realize that God made me this way and that I am special and I shouldn't try changing how I am, if this is really who I am. (besides minor parts that are not who i really am) I think I would be a lot happier if I liked myself instead of always thinking bad. I need to really start being there for my boyfriend whenever he needs me and I should stop getting on him about everything possible. How could I have went wrong with that? I want to be able to treat him that way he deserves to be treated, I know I've wrote about this many times, but I think today for some reason really opened up my eyes. It made me see that all of this stuff that I am doing, like asking questions over and over again, is really pointless and doesn't need to keep occurring. I feel really bad that I have been upsetting him, especially now when since he's been going through a lot with family and such. I feel terrible that I was adding on extra stress that he could do without. But it amazes me that he put up with me, I've never had anyone love me like he does. And he makes me wanna learn to love myself, even though it won't be easy. I just want to make him happy again and I feel like I cannot make him happy until I am happy with myself as I am. And that is something that I should really work on. It really hit me today whenever he told me that he gets upset everyday about something that happen to his family recently. It broke my heart to hear that, because he never tells me when he's upset about it, because he doesn't want to talk about it. It opened my eyes because I didn't know he was upset about it so often, I mean I kinda figured because what happened was life changing, but I guess I just never really heard him say that he is upset everyday. That makes me want to stop arguing with him and to start making him happy. I wish I could just take all of this bad feelings away from him, but that's impossible. BUT what I can do is make him happy, and to take this stress off of his shoulders. He is the world to me and I will never stop trying to make him happy. All I care about is making this relationship perfect with him and making him the happiest he's ever been. I wish I could make him forget his problems even for one day.
And all of this depends on how I look at myself. That way I can make him happy with himself as I would be with myself. But the hard part..actually learning to like myself and that good qualities that I do have, but fail to see. I guess I really do fail to see the parts about me that are loved. Especially what he sees in me, he sees more in me then anyone else has and that's really important to me. There must be something good inside of me that I still have to discover, at least for myself. He's opened my eyes and heart to feel and see things I never knew where there; with myself and with other people. I let the little things bother me whenever I really shouldn't. I can be a calm person but recently I just haven't been able to let that person out. I really want to just try and make things how the should be and how him and I want them to be. My first step is to love myself.
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