Today has been rather relaxing, I guess. I didnt go t bed till after one and just slept today. My phone was off and I guess starbcks called to ask me to come in, but yeah I didnt call back. They called me at 7 and I didnt get up till 1030, so yeah no point. I still got a call from another starbucks to work there tomorrow, which is cool. I always like to be a borrowed partner. Meeting new partners is fun and seeing how different there starbucks is to the one I'm at is always interesting.
Ive been looking at apartments and seeing how much furniture is gonna cost me and all that other fun stuff. It's kind of depressing me. I dont know if I'm depressed because its Friday and I'm home. I havent really been talk to my friends and everyone knows I normally spend my weekends at his house, but since we arent speaking I'm spending it alone. My best friend is working tonight so I cant hang out with him and my closest friend Amber lives in Azusa and I'm just not motivated to drive that far. Today I just feel so empty. I cant wait for school to start and I can be busy with that. I guess this is why I work 2 jobs. I hate not being busy, eve if its with mindless work. Its easy when I stay busy I dont think about the things that make me depressed.
Its funny an ex of mine wants to work things out he and I dated on and off for 5 years. He had been making some effort, but it seems just like the same ol bs, plus I was set to put my heart in to someon else. Oh well doesnt matter anymore.
I dunno I just dont feel like me any more, if I even knew who me was. I use to be that girl who could handle anything thrown at her. I use to be the perfect girlfriend, hell I use to be the girl that didnt even need a bf and I was happy. I was happy being alone. I went to movies alone, shopped alone, ate alone, did everything by myslef, just becauseI could. I still do that, but now I actually feel lonely. I guess because Ive been so in and out of relationships for geez 5 years I guess.
I know I have changed. I add a new tat every year and regret none of them. I love my ink. I got more into fashion and more into my hair and just into actually looking good before I leave the house. I use to not care. I havent seen my real hair color since before my freshman year of high school and that seems like forever ago. Is it wrong of me to change? I use to be that in your face punk girl that never took crap from any one or any guy. I didnt believe in love or the fact anyone would ever be able to keep up with me. I got rid of my blue hair when high school ended cause I had to get a job and hated it. ThenI met L and went through so much drama with him. I met B and we were so good together but I couldnt get over L and went back to him and then it was just tha back and fourth between B and L. I mean it doesnt help L left me for other girls many times and I was confused. I mean I dated a few guys while L and I were off and I didnt really have feelings for them. They always ended up gettign to attached to me. I kept from getting attached to B then I realized how much I do love him, but now he wants to hurt me cause of the past. I guess its better.
I know what I want and I guess I just have to be ok with being alone, until I find someone one who meets me on the same level.
Well I'm gonna go eat.
~T
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