I know basically nothing about the stock market. Call me a stupid, apathetic teen, but I’ve never been taught anything about it. The only assignment I’ve ever had, in all twelve years of schooling (yes, I said twelve – no preschool or second grade for me), was my sixth grade math teacher setting us into groups, giving us a newspaper, and telling us to pick ten stocks. The group that, at the end, had made the most amount of money from its stocks would get candy or a pop. Not even a month later, 9/11 happened, and the stock stuff was all but forgotten. I’ve tried teaching myself a bit about it, but math and numbers have never been my strong points.
Oh well, it’s not like the stock market will ever affect my life!
My school refuses to allow the health teacher to educate students about birth control – even going so far as to threaten her with termination over it. The cause? She had a condom demonstration, where she took a dry, un-lubed prophylactic, blew it up, put Vaseline on her hand, and rubbed it to the point where it popped. The presentation is quite possibly the most memorable thing of her class, and I know at least one kid who stopped himself from using Vaseline as a lube (it goes without saying that a good chunk of us eliminated the problem by removing said product from our households). We have little booklets that the school bought, telling us about the different forms of contraceptives, but they’re locked up in a closet, and the teacher herself isn’t able to access them.
Oh well, it’s not like I need to worry about having a baby or catching an STD!
I don’t know my way around mechanical stuff all that well. I can ride/drive ‘em (although I don’t have my driver’s license, though, so my escapades stick to the off-road sort), but I can’t fix them. I know how to pump gas, and how to check the oil (I think). Change a tire? Haha. Tell you if said tire is going flat? Oh, heck no.
Oh well, it’s not like I’ll ever need to know how a car works – that’s what all those mechanic people at Pensoil are for!
I can, however, tell you everything new in Britney Spears’ life. I can tell you about the latest Hollywood pregnancy rumors. I can tell you about the Disney Girls scandal. I know every line to both High School Musicals. MTV and VH1 are my bibles, and I worship the God(dess) of Gossip. I know the lyrics to every Panic (heaven forbid you put that symbol in here, “!”, I don’t know what that’s called) at the Disco song. I have a MAJOR crush on that lead singer from that band, and I’m absolutely addicted to my cell (I have to have it with me at all times, or else). For my birthday, my BFF bought me the most adorable little Juicy bag! It was such a steal, only $350. I think. I don’t know, she bought it with her daddy’s credit card.
“Why yes, I care about Iraq. It’s my favorite state!”
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This is a pretty funny piece of satire.
Thank you.
and oh so sad that it goes for the majority of teenagers... at least the kids my friends have.
Get out there educate yourself. School's there more to babysit anymore.
-Sonja
I started to write this as a serious piece, until I realized that I could make a mockery of a good portion of my generation. Thank you.