Making a Difference, does it really matter?

So it seems that the sun comes up in the morning... everyday... regardless of whether or not I am in the mood for it or not. There are times in my life I wish I could have made last forever... then there are seconds lost in a doctors office waiting line that last the day. What is it that makes time pass at different speeds? Why do good times go so quickly and bad times stick around forever?
Have you ever noticed that a broken heart surrounds you? You can feel it drain the blood right from your heart, pulsing through your veins? When you lay yourself across your bed, stretching out watching the ceiling fan... each blade you see clearly. Why would it end up this way. What am I going to do now?
Get up, get moving, it's been weeks now since my heart was dwelling in my stomach. Now I can see clearly and everything affects me wholey. I want to change the world. I want to feed the poor. I want to save children who have abusive parents. I want to save a rainforest. I want to stop wars. I write it down. I can feel again. Things surround me.
I stop for coffee. The taste gives me flashbacks to a time we sat at that corner table, it was summer... you in that grey suit. I shake my head.
A difference. I will make this world better. I will make it feel better than I feel. I have moved further away from that. I take a class on cooking. I go see a ballet. You would never go. Why? I splash in mud puddles on my way home.
I die a published writer. I die a president. I die a CEO. I die a wal-mart greeter. I die a woman who knew love, and lost it. I die and the sun sets and rises again.