I hate slowing down. It makes me think more, which at this time is making me rather depressed. So, rather than sitting here living with my depressed state, I figure one of the best ways to deal with it is to talk. And since I don't have anyone to talk to right now, blogging is the second best option. With that introduction, welcome to my musings on relationships and friendships.
People say all the time that you should marry someone you can have a good non-physical relationship with, because sooner or later, the physical aspect of the relationship will dissipate. They say you should love someone you can have a great relationship with.
Well, I'm only attracted to people I can have a good relationship with. I hate the superficial, and will never date a guy who isn't as smart as I am. I'd just get too frustrated with him to want to continue the relationship. As such, my past relationship was a pretty good match. We met online and formed a friendship of sorts.We talked, and that was the best part of the relationship.
Over the 3 1/2 years I was in this relationship, he became my best friend, a position previously held by my mother. Whenever something was bothering me, 9 times out of 10 I could go to him and talk it out, and feel better about it all in the end. I'm not sure the feeling was entirely reciprocal, and that may have been one of the reasons things didn't work out. But that's the subject of another blog.
When our relationship ended, it was, and still is, shocking to me. We went from talking hours a day to hardly speaking at all, and speaking in really random intervals. I don't know if I can talk to him at all anymore. I don't know what I can tell him without things getting awkward. And that leaves me without someone to talk to.
Granted, I have people I can talk to still. Fallon and Fanaile are among them, but I'm not very good about opening up to people. It took me a really long time before I could fully open up to my ex, and I still wasn't completely open. It probably doesn't help that there are things people just wouldn't understand if I told them. Only one person really understands the dynamic of my now ended relationship, besides my ex, and she's busy with her own life now... we don't talk nearly as much as we used to.
So I guess what my musing is mostly about is what can you do when you lose your best friend because you were in a romantic relationship with them that failed? What do you do when your interactions with your ex are so guarded that you just can't open up anymore?
It's at times like these where I realize how superficial most of my friendships really are, even the ones I had relied on so much in the past.
I have done the same, twice. It was hard both times, but I wouldn't change the experiences for the world. After all, they were the most fulfilling relationships I was in.
I'm still amiable with my exes, but it is not the same. Once I learnt to accept that, it was better for me. Sadly, it took me years to do it in both cases.
I hope you find serenity in your mind soon.
The sanity within is overwhelming.
I wish I had an answer for you, but I sadly, do not. My best friend is also my sister which adds complications of an entirely different and infuriating nature, so I've never really had to deal with what you're going through now. I can say though, that whenever you need to talk, to rant, need someone to do something stupid to make you laugh or just need someone to listen, I'm always here, no matter what else may be going on.
I hope that you and he are able to sort things out and find a little peace for both of you.
And we don't have a hug emoticon so I had to go steal one.. and it's not a great one either... but yeah... it's for you anyway :)
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~Fallon~
An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't- A. France
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