Two weeks ago I presented my senior project on domestic violence. It's so sad how common it actually is. Before graduation, 60% of high school students will be involved in an abusive relationship.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12858852/
"Nearly 1 out of 11 U.S. high school students is subjected to physical violence from their boyfriend or girlfriend each year, the results of a nationwide survey suggest.
Boys are just as likely as girls to be the victim of such violence, according to a report in the Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, published by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention."
"Those who had experience physical dating violence, compared with their peers who had not, were 3.3 times more likely to have attempted suicide and 1.7 times more likely to have engaged in fighting during the previous year.
Having five or more alcoholic drinks or smoking on at least 1 of the previous 30 days was associated with dating violence, as was engaging in sexual intercourse during the previous 3 months."
It's sad how common domestic violence and more specifically, dating violence, are these days.
Now many people ask why women stay with abusive partners. Well, there's 6 main reasons:
1) FEAR. Fear of retaliation by the abuser. Fear of losing money, a home, children, love, etc. Fear of being arrested themselves if they call the police. Fear of having to tell other people.
2) SOCIAL STIGMA. Victims are embarrassed. Since there are so many misconceptions of domestic violence, many people think it only happens with the poor, blacks, etc. So let's say a white, upper class woman is abused. She doesn't want to admit that to her friends, family members, and neighbors.
3) GUILT. Yes, this one may seem strange, but victims feel bad for leaving the abuser. They most likely were in love with their abuser, so they don't want to leave.
4) FINANCES. If the abuse occurs in a marriage, you can lose your house. You will have to pay for bills alone. Maybe there will be lawyer bills. Things can get expensive.
5)CHILDREN. Women are scared that they may lose their children if they leave the abuser. They're scared of the abuser trying to kidnap and/or attack their children. They're scared to tell their kids what actually happened.
6) ROLE EXPECTATIONS. After a victim is abused day after day, their self esteem drops tremendously. They lead themselves to actually believe that abuse and violence is a normal aspect of any relationship. Obviously, this is not true, but when self esteem is very low, it's hard to feel like you deserve better than the abuse.
Now dating violence doesn't even need to include physical violence. There's 4 main types of abuse: Emotional, Verbal, Sexual, and Physical. Verbal abuse includes everything from name-calling and criticizing, to telling your partner what to wear and how to act. Many people don't understand that those seemingly simple things can be red flags of an abusive relationship. It can also point out potential physical abuse later in the relationship.
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of course boy are at risk too. why would not be
Because many boys don't think they'll ever be abused by their girlfriend. And usually boys don't report their abuse as often as girls either, so the statistics are less accurate as to how many actually are abused.
I know a couple that has the stormiest relationship I have ever known. And it is the girl that is the crazy one. Actually, they are broken up now, but they still talk. About a week before the end of the semester, she went to his apartment and they were fighting. Actually she was punching him and slapping him and he was just trying to hold her back. She's punched him before too. This doesn't happen on a regular basis like in abusive boyfriends, but it does happen. It doesn't get reported because the girls are less likely to seriously hurt the boys. Or from sheer embarrassment from being beaten up by their girlfriends.
If I was ever in an abusive relationship I would leave no matter what. It is not worth it.
I'd leave too. Like sm said, it's not worth it. I rather be alone, than with someone that hurts me
You don't understand. It isn't that simple. The abuse doesn't necessarily start as physical abuse. It can just be verbal abuse. Then your self esteem may be so low that you don't realize that you deserve better. Once the physical abuse starts, you might just think it's what you deserve. I would like to hope I'd leave an abusive relationship, too, but we never really know what would happen if the person we loved did something like that to us...especially if our self esteem was shot.
I agree with Peppermintfrost - before physical abuse ever starts, the perpetrator starts to victimize at the mental and emotional level. An example is isolating the person and creating social barriers. A person who feels removed from support becomes more controllable. By the time actual physical abuse occurs, the person believes there's nowhere to turn and no one to help him or her, and that he or she must deserve it. Thank you for bringing this important topic to our attention!
This is such a nasty thing! Relationships should always be based on love; the feelings should be of protection, affection, not violence. I've always known that violence in relationships is a major problem of our society, but I didn't assume it was such a big one.
Yeah verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. what difference does it make if you are hurt physically or mentally. no one should have to go through any of that