Odd title huh? Well this week in my sociology class, we learned that race is a social creation in the sense that genetically human beings aren't different races, instead we are just different looking. Dont take this idea too seriously, it's just the thought that prejiduce comes from classifying a nationality as different from you and than saying that they are different race.
Anyways, I was thinking and since I have been raised in a church and sex has been thought of as wrong and immoral unless you are married. The idea the abstinence is the best God pleasing way to conduct your intimate relationship. I've been struggling with that idea lately. When I was sixteen and in my first relationship, I told my (now ex) boyfreind I was a supporter of abstinence and I think it would be morally right to wait until we were married if we got married. I am not going to disclose my personal past on the internet, but lets just say that my body had other ideas lol. Lust easily takes over and dragged our good intentions to the ground. I was sixteen, so it was looked down upon my mother of course who is a devout christian. In the church and any christian bible thumping beleiver you go to will tell you that abstinence is the right way to go.
Here is where my question comes in. Is that a socially created rule or is it Christians capitolizing on common sense? Is sex outside of marriage less cared about and less looked down upon as you get older?
I know plenty of sets of parents who raise their children to be abstinent. So some adults think its the way to go to. I think when you get older, you have more freedom financially and over your own body so your going to take risks such as sex and no one will say boo about except your grandma and your church family if you have one.
Over the past century I think abstinence has declined among people in general, with the invention of birth control though, you can have sex all you want and not get pregnant. Back in the old days, you went too far and either had a shot gun wedding or got married at 18 so you can have sex and not be looked down upon by everyone.
It's just an issue I struggle with with my current boyfreind, because were devout christians, but were both teenagers who can easily find a private place lol.
What do you guys think about abstinence and the socially created stigma against a natural act of mating?
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I think first you need to ask yourself what is life about.
My personal opinion is that life is not about pleasure, and also that sex outside of marriage is stupid. Granted abstinence is hard to do, but what good or Godly thing is easy to do? Culture and society has made doing what's good and beneficially not only hard but socially unacceptable. Should we then live by a lie, when it's not working for them. I say absolutely not.
Your Brother Rhino!
Do you mean that sex outside of marriage is a stupid decision? Or that its just "stupid"?
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
Purity Balls: For the Rich, White, Christian, and (Slightly) Perverted
I am actually not saying either. To some it may be a stupid decision because adults see the risk in it and think that it can destroy your life if your dealt the wrong card.
Intellegince has nothing to do with sex lol, dumb people and smart people can do it. So whether or not it's stupid has nothing to do with it. I am talking more along the lines of right and wrong ethically. Is your body so valuable that you should only give it to one person in life and after your legally committed to them? Or is intimicay something for lovers who need the sex to make everything right in their life.
Which is funny because I went 16 years without it and am going on 17 years and I feel perfectly fine! lol
I wasn't actually talking to you, I was talking to the person whose comment I actually replied to, the one that said premarital sex was "stupid".
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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Lol whoops, I hope your not offended and I think I did a good job of defending his position...............errr...........welll atleast I voiced what I think lol?
I know you just got confused about who I was talking to, but I'll respond anyways. I think you make the assumption that sex outside of marriage happens when you're young. Not everyone gets married young or gets married at all. So people having sex outside of marriage don't necessarily lack the resources to deal with the consequences (i.e. pregnancy). I think people mix up "sex outside of marriage" with "teenagers having sex".Because a person can argue that teenagers don't have the skills to make the proper decisions regarding sex or to be mature enough to handle the consequences, but I think it's rather difficult to argue (to non-Christians) that sex outside of marriage is immoral.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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Okay I do not agree with you at all. I understand that adults have sex. I watch T.V. I am referring to young people and sex outside of marriage, because that is what applys to me right now. Ya I agree though because when people talk about teenagers, they talk about how oh those young folks are doing sorts of bad things. Well I know that no matter how old you are, you can have sex outside of marriage, do drugs and drink aclahol. Which can all be debated as right or wrong.
To Esuffern,
I think it is both stupid and a stupid decision even without a religion. To me intimacy is not something i would want to share with just any body. The same way i aint gonna go out with someone just because they look good. Feelings get involved way to easy even before sex, and I don't need my heart broken and I'm not trying to break any hearts.
Your Brother Rhino!
Some people don't share sex with just anybody, but still don't do it within the confines of marriage. Some people only have sex within their long-term, comitted relationships with people that they love and trust.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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I like this reply because I think society has gotten weaker and is just like oh if your not strong enough not to have sex just take birth control. Atleast thats what I think that is what is being taught in schools nowadays. Doing the good and right thing is not easy which is why people give in and no that doesn't make it right at all.
I think that sex between two consenting people should not be wrong (of course if it is legal) If at any time either people feels wrong about doing so, the sex should be stopped immediately. The comments you are going to be getting are very personal opinions. Follow what YOU believe. Your elders will always tell you to be abstinent because they feel they are looking out for your best interests. I say do whatever you feel is right.
I understand that I will get a lot of bashing comments on this one ;) feel free to say what you please, but remember, as I said above these are OPINIONS :)
In regards to Christians believing abstinence before marriage is the way to go, I think what's really behind that is they don't want teenagers having sex. Because if you imagine a couple in their 40's, both divorced and not intending to get married again, in a committed relationship, how bad does it sound for them to have a sexual relationship? In my mind, not that bad. But people get all bent out of shape when it comes to imagining teenagers having sex. They want to control them and their decisions.
Personally, I don't there is anything immoral about having sex outside of marriage. It's just a matter of personal responsibility, keeping yourself and your partner safe, and being aware of (and prepared for) the possible consequences of your actions.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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I never actually think about whether premarital sex is right or wrong, because I can't marry my partner. Our options are premarital sex or no sex at all, and as thirty-something adults in a committed relationship, the latter is just not an option. Sex is a basic need. Every adult human needs it on some level in their life, so I'm not going to let a legal document that is currently denied to me determine whether or not I have my needs for intimacy met. That is my personal position on premarital sex.
Now, your post has made me consider what my stance might be if I have teenagers some day...and that is a tougher call. If gay marriage is illegal and our kid knows his/her moms have sex without a marriage license, it's pretty hypocritical to say they can't have sex before marriage. I think I would just be really honest with them about the physical and emotional ramifications of having sex, and I would ask that they wait until they are of a certain age to consider it. That age would depend on the individual child's maturity level. Some 16 year olds are able to handle themselves responsibly. Some are not. Hell, some thirtysomethings are unable to handle themselves responsibly!
Anyway, thanks for the brain bender!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
Wow I never considered your position. As a gay person who can't get married, christians are therefore determining your fate I guess, by saying premarital sex is a sin, well what are you gonna do, deny yourself love and intimacy with the one you love?
It's funny because I think I agree with two people on here with two completley stances. As for you ediblewoman, I think we are in the same boat. Teenagers aren't supposed to get married. Sixteen and seventeen year olds can, they just have to have a parent's signature.....and I think it's not really socially acceptable nor does it make sense to get married so young. So what am I to do when I am in love and I have the same hormones and lusts, that my parents did before they were married?
WHAT YOU SAID IS SO TRUE THOUGH. As a young person, I am glad an adult has realized how hypocrital parents are. I know so many parents that did it before they were married, found relegion and are now forcing abstinence as the only way to their children. I think it's a good idea, but I agree with you in the sense that they should really be real and honest about it ya know. My parents never talked to me thouroghly about the risks of sex, they just said don't do it and it's wrong.
Values such as abstinence can be enforced by your mother and father consceince, but nothing matters when it comes down the line unless you beleive in your heart and understand perfectly why sex is a risky thing. I was raised in a christian church to beleive it was wrong, but I vaguley knew why and the value wasn't in my heart.
Now that I have a boyfreind, the only thing keeping me is his ginormous consceince and my half size consceince lol. I guess thats what it comes down to. People getting the facts straight and good influences and making the decision for yourself and being preprared to face the consequences if their are any.
"People getting the facts straight and good influences and making the decision for yourself and being preprared to face the consequences if their are any."
That is my parenting and educational philosophy in a nutshell!
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman