There are times, too often, I'm afraid, where I sit around and feel sorry for myself. I know I shouldn't. I am aware of all the people in the world who have it worse than me. Honestly, I really shouldn't complain at all. Sometimes I just get in these moods where I wish I were someone else, or that I had a different life.
Actually, I know that I am very grateful. I have a roof over my head and the best dog in the world. I guess the root of this "feeling sorry for myself" mentality is loneliness. I guess that lately I have been almost desperate for someone with whom to share my life. I am getting older...what if I am destined to be alone forever?
The solution should be simple, right? I need to just get out there are start dating again. That's where I really start feeling sorry for myself. I am completely terrified of any more relationships. I have had some truly bad ones in the past. To be honest, one of them almost ended in death - seriously.
So here I sit, alone, wishing I wasn't alone yet afraid to not be alone. I am completely cursed.
I'm sure many people out there feel the same way. In fact, I know some already. I think that the thing about finding that one person whom we want to share the rest of our life is difficult task in of itself. I mean, if it were easy then we would all be happy right? I suppose the thing about that is that we need to allow ourselves to get out of that shell and try ,even just a little, to be confident. It's like willpower. If you won't, you won't. But if you will, you will. If you think you can. You can! But if you think you can't... you can't.
You will find someone and won't be alone forever. I know it is hard to put yourself back out there but you have to at least try. Don't go looking for anything serious to start out just look to have fun. I understand your feeling because I was like that before I got with my boyfriend. I still feel lonely though. I wish I had a different life too sometimes. I keep imagining that love will be like it is in movies like titanic (not him dying though) or the notebook and I am not even a love movie person just a few hit and miss. But I know in my mind I don't think there is love like that. I am in love and it is not anything like that. Don't feel sad and don't going looking for love it will find you. I know that sounds corny and cliche but it is the truth. Most my relationships were bad..not death thing bad like you were talking about lol but bad and I think I found a good guy. (3 years.) Don't feel lonely you will find someone.
No, we're not (well maybe we are, but I doubt it). I can definitely say I have felt like it would be easier if I no longer existed. (Which is true, life WOULD be very easy if we didn't exist). I think about things like that, and although some would call that suicidal, or crazy, I'm not. I don't think about killing myself, I think about how tough life is, and what life would be like without me. (Sort of like "It's A Wonderful Life")
I feel sorry for myself sometimes, too. I think it's good healing. (You feel sad, then you realize you DON'T have it that badly, and although you don't feel 100% better, you realize that it isn't THAT bad).
AS far as the dating thing, I was "in love" with a guy, and after awhile he told me, he "didn't love me anymore", and asked out another girl the next day. Pretty devestating considering I was VERY smitten with him. It has been 2 years (November) and I STILL haven't dated. Or "looked" for somebody. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself about this, but I get over it. I decided to find MYSELF, before I dated again. I wanted to know "what I did wrong", and what I should/shouldn't do next time.I've learned that I don't need another person in my life to make me "whole". I needed to be independent, strong, and confident. I have spent these last two years doing things I want to do, going places I want to go, and learning about myself. I don't get worked up about trivial things like a lot/most of the kids at my high school do. I have found that I find less and less reasons to care what other people think About me. I worry about how I think about myself. I am genuinely HAPPY with myself. I STRONGLY suggest you, and everybody else, try this. After all, "you can't love another until you learn to love yourself."
No, the solution is NOT to "get out there and start dating". The solution is to learn how to feel good about yourself and not feel like you HAVE to have a romantic relationship to be happy.
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Please see my recent blog post, "Genocide and Student Activism": http://www.progressiveu.org/041447-genocide-and-student-activism