Death on Mt. Olympus

"...Heath Ledger...found dead in his apartment..."

I roll the thought around like an unknown flavor. I've never even met
the man, and all I can think of circles around denial and disbelief, as
I walk to the living room where the rest of my house mates are
assembled. Everyone is standing in front of the television with
high-rise eye brows paralyzed in shock. United by the news of a death
broadcasted by a television that until yesterday didn't have regular
cable, yet is now bringing unsolicited information into the ether that
leaves us wondering, what's so great about owning a machine that can make the room seem colder and life more unforgiving any way...Living
without constant television has left me feeling like no news is good
news, especially coming from the puppet media--always manipulating and
manifesting a needless sense of dread and panic in the general public.

So someone changes the channel and we begin moving about, uttering
any sound that might help to fill the emptiness quickly entering the
room,

S: "Oh my god..."

Me: "He was so young..."

S: "Yeah...wasn't he married with kids too?"

Me: "I think he just went through a divorce."

A: "The apartment use to be Mary Kate Olson's..."

T: "Geesus christ."

I am so strangely yet undeniably affected by this news and look it
up on BBC (as a confirmation of the body), staring at Heath's picture
for a few minutes thinking of this perfect stranger, young and
talented, who may or may not have just committed suicide by overdosing
on pills. Meanwhile I keep thinking the same things over again, (But
he was so young! He had so much going for him! He had a two-year old
daughter, was it an accident? It makes absolutely no sense!)

I look at this digital photograph of a young man smiling and think of
the article I read about him only a few months ago. It was about his
role in I'm not there as one of the Bob Dylans, touching upon various
personal aspects of his life, but mostly an elegantly understated
homage to his on-screen talent and infamous off-screen preparation for
such diverse and often difficult roles. Death inspires such strange
feelings: jarring and unfamiliar, as if you suddenly felt someone's
hands grab and shake vigorously from behind.

I can't imagine what watching I'm not there or The Dark Knight is
going to be like for me and others who liked him. I felt the same way
when Aaliyah died. She was truly a childhood favorite of mine and her
death was such a powerful event, one of the first moments in which I
remember feeling utterly vulnerable to a helplessness mediated by
chance and circumstance. It's like every time I listen to Elliott Smith
now after finding out he just decided one day to stick a butcher knife
into his chest: I can't resist somehow feeling haunted and saddened by
his voice crooning in the air and filling it with melancholic, macabre
feelings; versus before I knew about his death and his music was just
pleasantly sad.

Suicide particularly leaves one feeling at odds
with reality, as if the mystery of death and the prospect of no return
isn't alienating enough, to chose it over life is a deeply disturbing
thought.
This reminds me of Etgar Keret's Pizzeria Kamikaze and how it makes
light of death by presenting an afterlife in which one's essential
existence continues--seemingly as mundane as the last--waiting around
for the rest of the world to cross over.

Yet, in a time when the security of a belief in heaven or hell is
slowly beginning to fade from popular belief, the uncertainty of death
and the fear of dying too soon scares the shit out of me, and however
comforting the thought of an "underworld" may seem: I wouldn't bet my
life that it existed. It's bad enough I run the risk of dying by simply
flying back forth on airplanes, I can't imagine the stress of living in
a place amid daily suicide bombings, shootings, or environmental
disasters, etc.

I totally respect anyone's decision to do what they
please with their life so long as it is not directly harmful to others,
but it is truly unfortunate when one has reached a point where they
feel the alternative to doing anything & everything possible to
improve their situation with even a small possibility of success and
happiness, is somehow trumped by the cruel certainty of complete and
utter obliteration.
What poor soul is so mired and tormented by their own misery and
despair as to ever forget the warmth of a smile or the capacity for
life to parallel those very same wretched and heart-wrenching moments
with as many or more joys and peaceful memories that make living so
worth the trouble? Perhaps saying every problem has a solution is as
naive as believing good behavior in this life will secure you a spot in
heaven, but while the latter depends upon blind faith, I consider the
former a brand of mathematical optimism.
I've been ruminating on the nature of my reaction to Heath's death for
a few hours now, partly because it helps to get these thoughts and
feelings out, and also because it's fascinating to try to analyze and
work out the origins, meanings, and influences of all the things such
things can inspire within one.

After we dispersed from the living room, I went and
washed some dirty dishes. Slowly, almost carefully, I lathered each
greasy pot and plate with hot foam as I went over in my mind how
strange it is to feel such a sad sense of loss for someone I know so
little about, not only because any death is tragic and unfortunate, but
knowing that a great deal of my sorrow emanates from having enjoyed his
work in cinema for so many years and experiencing the loss of another
young, talented person in this world.This thought is immediately
followed by a morass of guilt in knowing that thousands of innocent
women, children and men die each day from a myriad of causes far more
sinister and unsolicited than this particular situation (not that any
death should be better or worse than another). Though less publicized
and shamefully, less impacting, countless innocent people are brutally
murdered, poisoned, mutilated, gang banged, etc. in numerous and
distinct parts of the world, yet we've become so desensitized as to
lump those deaths as unfortunate, tragic events in a category of "shit
that doesn't happen to me or affect me" that sits in our minds only
briefly if not occasionally when we're reminded or learn of another
one. But the point is not to prioritize human lives, only realize that
each one should carry equal weight and hold with the public. The fear
of utter desensitization still dawns on a millennium increasingly
technologically integrated.

This leads me to one of many social ills concerning
class, status, and wealth that spills over ever so subversively into
our conditioned minds and evokes such dichotomous sentiments in similar
events.
I wonder at how we managed to rid ourselves of monarchies and greek
gods if only to erect monoliths of movie stars and other celebrities in
their place? It is rare even for public figures such as politicians to
receive such heartfelt sympathy.

Only a few weeks ago, the inauspicious
murder of Benazir Bhutto marked the loss of such a tremendously
influential, intelligent, and powerful female diplomat. Though deeply
unsettling, disappointing and somewhat frustrating, I felt oddly
distant and impersonal when faced with the news of her death.
Admittedly, though I know very little about this woman, I admired the
tenacity and strength with which she held her convictions. A voice of
reason among much corrupt puppet politics, because if anyone could have
launched Pakistan into peace and progress, Bhutto was the most
exceptional candidate, especially in such a male-dominated society.

I'm not sure that any of this is terribly important or
coherent, but it all seems interrelated and glaringly indicative of
trend shifts in the history of human society. I would say that across
the span of humanity, every culture, society, tribe and people seem to
rely upon their socially constructed worlds in order to interact and
amuse themselves. Whether it is in the form of religion, government, or
entertainment, all cultures seem to form echelons of reality that
further and perhaps redundantly separate, classify, and marginalize
groups of people from others.

I feel a long rant coming on...

In the case of entertainment, in this country like in
many others, it forms an essential part of culture and permeates our
daily routine in some way. More so in the U.S., entertainment has
become the new form of pantheistic worship. Television and cinema offer
distractions and alternate realities from which to escape the general
monotony, especially in the case of mass produced block busters with no
artistic or intellectual qualities, pedaled to the working class
citizen and impressionable youths. We've come to revere actors,
musicians, and athletes in so much as we are intimately acquainted (or
want to be) with each and every detail of their lives. Some become role
models or vehicles of influence for the development of our personal
tastes and opinions, to which we aspire to emulate in some way, while
others are objects of criticism and ridicule constantly under public
scrutiny. These people even set the standards to which most people
judge and hate themselves, because if they're famous they must be extra
special, so you should do everything you can to be just like that,
because maybe people will like you more.

Take the example of Brittany Spears when she first came out into the
music industry and became every little girl's dream Barbie/hero,
everyone copied her style, hair, sang her songs, wanted to have a body
like hers, etc. Children especially need something to look up to or
admire, and it's hard to deny the Spice Girls, and Hanna Montana
wannabes because it's happened in every generation since the industrial
revolution (and beyond, but more with other kinds of celebrities) and
is somehow essential for girls and boys to have that kind of influence
or fond memories of the things they loved about their childhoods. Yet,
with all the shit going on with Brittany these days, everyone is
shocked, angry, disappointed, and shit-talking most of all.
I always find myself asking, "who the fuck cares?"

Firstly, because
everyone has problems or issues and it's such hypocritical and
superficial behavior to walk around judging and criticizing someone's
actions like a self-righteous jury, as if our opinion matters or will
change anything, as if its anyone's business, and as if we act or think
any better. Second, how inconsiderate is it to publicize every action
and mistake a person makes for the whole world to see when it has
nothing to do with your or your life, except that you're wasting your
time, money and energy on it? I think athletes, musicians, actors,
businessmen and politicians make too much money as it is and if we
leveled the playing field to something more appropriate for their
actual skills, there wouldn't be such a disparity and ridiculous
obsession with who took a shit were. It makes more sense that public
scrutiny of someone's actions and behaviors should be focused on
politicians, government employees and officials, big corporations, the
FBI, CIA, NSA and all that bullshit, because it seems like we have our
priorities mixed up.

If we spent more time paying attention to the way this country was run
we wouldn't have had Bush, 9/11, Iraq, Vietnam, Bay of Pigs and other
countless bullshit indicative that we DON'T have a democracy, this is a
fucking REPUBLIC, with a side of corruption and extra obfuscation of
information that the people don't have access to until decades after
the shit went down and everyone involved is either dead, retired, or
saved by all the destroyed information...wake the fuck up. It doesn't
help that the world hasn't realized there's only one race, human, and
united in an effort to advance humankind as a whole because everyone is
too busy being proud of their culture, which is all fine and dandy,
except some cultures are more exclusionary than others and tend to fuck
it up for everyone else. And when we're not caught up in culture, skin
color, or gender all the greedy fuck heads keep the status quo so that
the richer get richer and the poorer stay poor. Then it's the
environment or the endangered animals, or the children starving in
wherever and the drought, famine, genocide, apartheid, dictators,
communism, aids, cancer, obesity, ignorance.
With so many things to fix in the world today, you think people would
find a more productive way to spend their time and money. Does talent
mandate a pedestal? Worship?

It seems like we've shifted from notions
of deities, and royalty to heart throbs and super models.

It's sad watching my 15 yr. old cousin sing and dance to a song
describing how to "superman a ho" by coming on her back and sticking
the sheets to it, in order to humiliate I suppose, but I'd be hard
pressed to find among her or her peers any recognition of how
photosynthesis works in the plants that give us oxygen to breath, feed
us and the animals we eat, as well as clothe us or who won the Nobel
Prize this year, etc.
I feel like these issues will eventually culminate and overflow because
people seem like they're beginning to see the light, and a larger
population of younger, liberal, intelligent and reasonable people are
coming to age and to positions of power.

I feel like everyone I talk to
recognizes theses ills and there is a general sense of discomfort,
anger, and frustration with the way the world, and our country
especially is handling things. We need a revolution. We need unity. In
a world alienated by technology it's difficult and ineffectual to rally
and protest like the counterculture of the 60's, which thrived and
relied on interpersonal relations and communication. How do we mobilize
under this common realization that many things are wrong, and our
governmental system is inefficient, outdated, and allows for too much
corruption and financial influence? This is so reminiscent of the Cuban
Revolution, which is entirely a whole other world of pain and
disappointment, maybe next time kids.

Whew.