A few weeks ago a friend of mine told me that she didn't want to meet some of my friends because she "Doesn't feel comfortable around white people."
I was shocked for several reasons. First, what she said was completely idiotic because I'm mostly white. Another reason was the fact that she assumed that my friends were white, even though they really weren't.
I grew up in an extremely diverse neighborhood, and at my highschool, White is a minority. (Yes, at my school the so called majority is a minority. Surprising?) Since I had grown up in such a diverse area, I had learned to see people as people, nothing more or less. I guess I'm lucky to be living in this area because I get a taste of so many cultures.
After thinking about this, I guessed that there are people who had not grown up in the same area as I have, so they could have these thoughts.
The thing that I found unexcusable was that she had grown up with me, gone to the same schools and socialized with the same people. I couldn't understand how she suddenly was racist against white people, after growing up with me and being completely comfortable around me.
So I asked her, "Well, you're always so comfortable around me, and I'm white. How does that work?" She never answered me.
Should you be friends with someone who is prejudiced against you? I don't think you should, I just don't think it's a healthy environment to put yourself into.
A few months ago I was visiting my grandma in Southern California. She's originally from Georgia. She told me "Some Black people moved down the street from me, but I'm not concerned my neighborhood's going to turn into a ghetto." My little sister and I looked at each other, surprised that our own grandmother could say such a thing.
I don't get it, how can we expect to become a better country if we're still racist against groups of people?
"I don't Feel Comfortable Around White People."
By butterflyfish - Posted on March 3rd, 2008
Tagged: Racism
• Better future
i mad a blog about this, like a week ago.....
its sad but a reality, people would rather be around their own
People will always be racist it is in nature but there are alot of them that aren't like me and many more people. My grandpa said the same thing that your grandma did. People are raised in different generations have different ideas which I'm sure you know. You may be a different situation for your friend. I would ask her again why she is saying things like that. I don't understand either though why she would suddenly change like that. Maybe something happened that you don't know about. People become racist alot of the time from their parents and if they had a bad experience with someone of a different race, unfortanely it will sway their views on the whole entire race just because of one person.
Whoa. I'm sorry to hear your friend is so close-minded... perhaps try talking to her more in an attempt to understand why she feels the way she does about white people?
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Please see my recent blog post, "Genocide and Student Activism": http://www.progressiveu.org/041447-genocide-and-student-activism
Honestly man, your being pretty anal. She just said she didnt feel comfortable around white people. You dont think that some white people wouldnt say the same thing about black people? My point is, this doesnt make her a horrible evil-doer. She didnt say she hated them or anything, people cant help the way they feel sometimes. How about trying to actually be a friend and trying to understand instead of to automatically judge. Just tell her to face her fears or whatever and then she can grow from that.
i'm not judging her.
but there's really more to the story, like how she suddenly started to alienate me and started hanging out with people who were more Mexican than I am (i'm 1/4).
i've told her time and time again that she can't judge someone based on their outer appearance or race or anything. You have to get to know the person first.
She knew me!
Maybe she's getting pressured by other people or her family or something? Like maybe all of a sudden she's not Mexican enough.
she's being pressured by a newer friend.
it's no good. they're not very good influences on each other.
I don't think she's a bad friend. Her friend assumed her other friends were white before she even knew, and saying you don't feel comfortable around a certain race is implicating that you don't like that race.
Après la pluie le beau temps. ♥
I think there is a considerable difference between racism and what was described in the blog above.
Racism has to do with hatred and thinking one race is better than the other. I did not see a bit of that in this blog.
What was described above was just a preference in who this person chooses to associate with. It might be closed minded and self-limiting but it is not racism. Perhaps this person is just more comfortable with people whom she believes have similar values and experiences.
I think that people feel safe among like-minded people, but in issues of race, it is difficult to tell who is like-minded. When someone has experience bigotry or discrimination in the past, it is hard to shake the fear that instills. If your friend has ever experienced bigotry or discrimination at the hands of white people, it might be difficult to be in a room of white people, not knowing where they stand on racial issues or if they view her as a second class citizen. Other white people have viewed/treated her that way...assuming that in a crowd of white people there may be some who dislike her based on her skin color is just a measure of self protection.
I often find myself feeling uncomfortable in a room full of heterosexual people. Even if they are friends of people I know to be fair-minded and non-discriminatory, that doesn't make them safe. I never know when one of them might get angry, violent, or start trying to convince me that if I just have sex with them, I will change my mind about being a lesbian, or (and this is my favorite) pretending they are very cool with the whole gay thing and trying to get me and my partner to kiss in front of them, like we were a circus act or a porn film or something. Most straight people don't behave this way, but it happens just often enough to keep us constantly on guard.
Perhaps this is what your friend is feeling. It's a lot of work to protect yourself from potential insult, and also to always be a perfect representative of your race or identity so you don't accidentally reinforce any stereotypes. It gets exhausting to be the token.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I used to have friends who would ALWAYS talk about how du,b white people are, they did not even know they were doing it around me.
It used to really make me mad, but then i relized they got it from their family, because thats what their family/friends said.
OR mabye your friend has been in a situation where white people HAVE ,made her uncomfortabul...ypou just gotta ask her
~I want to know God's thoughts, the rest is just details.-Albert Einstein~
I too went to a high school where white students were the minority, but being white never made me uncomfortable around others. I think it has to do with the fact that I have been surrounded by diversity my whole life. And for the friend, I don't think she is racist. Maybe she is afraid that your white friends will treat her differently because she is not white, I don't know for sure because I am not her, and that she is afraid of others being racist.
I don't get it, how can we expect to become a better country if we're still racist against groups of people?
You are already the change you want to see around, don’t expect everyone to become yourself overnight.
Enjoy your mind state, don’t worry about others, they might pull you down into their own negativity…
It is said,
Serpents Egg – The Host of Seraphim
with race seems odd to me. Growing up, I had an African American friend who introduced me to some of his friends. They considered me "too white." Without missing a beat, this friend said "he's not white. He's just really, really light skinned." A cousin of mine who is the product of a mix-raced marriage loves to introduce me to strangers as his cousin so we can laugh at their reaction. "What... you don't see the family resemblence..."
The point I am trying to make, through jokes I hope translate well over the internet, is that I really don't understand people being hung up over skin color. It's sad that we still have people who are uncomfortable around other races in 2008. It does seem that our most recent election has put a dent in the racial preocupation, but only time will tell.
"when you hold a pen, you are at war" Attributed to Voltaire