Ummm...I am a joker. A silly girl, voted class clown and teacher's pet, a paradox in itself.
When I was in eighth grade, a friend shot a friend. It was horrifying...I'll never forget.
Valentine's Day...Monday...Snow Day, and the movie 'Snow Day' had just come out, a funny movie, one I would never want to see.
At around noon, it happened at 11:53am, I got the first of the worst phone calls. A neighbor had been listening to his scanner, and he called to let me know that a car had been hit by a train down the road-the worst tracks around. I said, "That's sad. There is nothing I can do."
A couple minutes later the phone rang again...UGH. I answered, "Someone has had their hand shot off." I said, "Better their hand than their head." What the f*** was I thinking? When the final call came, I dropped...I knew who was down the road, had heard the crystal clear shots ringing out all morning. The crisp country air had carried them, but I live in hunting territory so I was not alarmed. It would only get worse.
At 8pm, the prosecutor and his assistant showed up. They were trying to get my brother to say that Adam had shot at his head before...which was a complete falsity. My brother was in 4th grade and they kept pushing..."Was Adam a bad boy?", "Did Adam listen to Korn and ICP?", "Did Adam say bad words?" They asked until John, my little brother, gave them the answers they wanted. My dad had made me stay upstairs, as I was close to those in question, and I heard it all. I fell down the stairs begging my dad to make them leave, I cried and screamed at them. They left.
It was too fresh to deal...with anything. I sat with these guys, played at 'recess' with these guys, road the bus with these guys. I hid under Ms. Smith's desk for a week...I cried and yelled at God.
I wrote a poem called 'Questions' that was read at his funeral. I cries at calling hours but laughed at the funeral, in tribute to Jeremy. He was the funniest guy in the WORLD. In science class, we had been talking about gravity and free falling...EVERY time our teacher had said free falling, Jeremy sang the song at the top of his lungs....We were in stitches.Mr. Forbes finally gave up and wouldn't teach, he sat there and graded papers. We were all involved in the class hamster dying, and the ferret always being set free. We couldn't ever behave...I miss that still.
Adam just got out and I have been trying to reach him. I got ahold of him but he is always too busy to talk. I guess I understand. I am an extension of that nightmare. I remind him of then...But somewhere inside I need him, as much as I hate that...I need to hear his voice and get inside his head.
I am SOOOOOOOOO close to Jeremy's sister. His niece and nephew look JUST like him, and we talk about him all the time, keeping him alive in our lives. What do you do? The pain is still fresh, it never goes away. But people change, they grow and learn...so, I need something from him, and I don't even know what that is. I sure as hell don't want to hear about that day, I have heard enough...I just need closure.
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He was shot in the face...died instantly.