A woman’s clitoris has eighteen parts, all of which play a
role in her sexual pleasure. The vagina, which accepts the penis, is only a part of the vast inner workings of the woman’s sexual satisfaction. Although this is not common knowledge, the respect for the sexual potential of a woman has increased dramatically since the 1950’s. Many men now know that their own stamina comes nowhere near that of women and must find other methods, such as cunnilingus (the use of the tongue on the clitoris to stimulate an orgasm), to satisfy their lover. However, in the fifties, the idea that a woman could not be satisfied by the male’s penis was blasphemy against his masculinity.
In the 50’s, knowledge of the female’s “lower regions” was scarce, but the desire to find that knowledge was almost unheard of because of Sigmund Freud. Almost all theories about the female’s sexual organs came from his outdated (almost forty years) and biased proclamations that a woman who could not be satisfied by the penis of her lover “must have something wrong with her” (2). He publicized the idea that clitoral orgasms were merely the “launching pad for the more ‘mature’ vaginal orgasm” (2). His ideas reinforced the penetrative and reproductive model, and because of them, doctors and psychologists gradually overlooked the vagina “until it became an anatomical nonentity” (1). Since it was of no scientific importance, the common couple based their sexual experiences on what was widely approved: sex for reproduction, not pleasure.
With no knowledge came no responsibility, and the men of the fifties felt none towards their partner’s sexual satisfaction. Of course, since “seventy-five percent of men [ejaculated] within two minutes,” and refused to use cunnilingus, they did not have much to offer in the ways of giving their partner any pleasure (Kinsey). Kinsey asked five gynecologists to examine the genitals of almost nine hundred women and discovered that it takes much more to stimulate a woman through vaginal orgasm than clitoral orgasm because the “deep interior walls of the vagina really…are quite insensitive,” but when gently touched on the clitoris, “ninety-eight percent of women were aware of it” (2). Although men could not understand why their partner did not share in their pleasure, they did little to try and change things. Her purpose had been served: she would bear children. This is reflected in the life of Margaret Sanger, the
founder of the birth control movement and one in eleven children, who blamed her mother’s death on her “father’s sexual appetite” (3). After nearly forty years, men still preferred Freud’s uninformed judgments than a happy and sexually fulfilled wife.
With the progression of women’s rights and the collapse of the widely enforced ban on sexual promiscuity came the gaining of scientific knowledge of the female’s sexual organs. Throughout the next four decades, prominent figures such as Alfred Kinsey, author of Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953), Masters and Johnson, authors of Human Sexual Response (1966), Shere Hite, author of Hite Report: A Nationwide Study of Female Sexuality
(1989), and Dr. Mary Jane Shefrey, author of The Nature and Evolution of Female Sexuality (1972), began to study and proclaim the scientific truth about the clitoris: it is to be respected. With 15,000 nerve fibers and eighteen fundamental “hotspots,” a woman can have multiple orgasms in one round of sex, whereas men need a “refractory period” that can last anywhere from a few minutes to a whole day. If a man cares enough about his lover’s sexual fulfillment, his tongue could be much more effective than his penis to bring her to the point she deserves to be at. Now both men and women can sleep with
one another with only the slightest fear of being unfulfilled.
The men and women of today own a great magnitude of sexual knowledge and maturity as compared to the men and women of the 1950’s. With the knowledge, sexual pleasure has improved dramatically for both sexes, bringing together more and more relationships than ever before. If men of today disregard their lover’s sexual prowess, they may very well end up like John Bobbitt, whose penis was cut off in 1993 by his wife because she felt it was unfair that “he always had an orgasm and didn’t wait for her” (2).
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(1)Chalker, Rebecca. The Clitoral Truth. New York: Seven Stories Press, 2000.
(2)Kerner, Ian. She Comes First: the Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. New York: HarperCollins Publishers Inc., 2004.
(3)Halberstam, David. The Fifties. New York: The Random House Publishing Group, 1993.
Every woman experiences sex differently. Every woman's body is different, so what she likes is going to be different. Your blog, although well thought out and well written, doesn't really point to some direction for future education of sex. There are tantric workshops and weekend lover's retreats that teach couples to get in tune with each other's sexualities. That's what should be taught. Sex is a great thing when you're old enough to do it responsibly. It's a harmony between two people learning eachother's bodies over and over for the rest of their lives. And you may think you know everything about your lover, but anyone who has been in a serious long-term relationship knows that even what someone wants sexually will change over time. You have to learn what your lover wants everytime you have sex. Sex ed should teach love, respect, understanding, and commitment. With that would definitely come the negatives of having sex when you're not ready, pregnancy, STD's, and so forth.
No day but today
-RENT
I don't have to point to the future of sex education. Just by writing these things, many other bloggers here have already submitted several ideas on how to further that in a classroom.
Just because you're not ready doesn't mean you're stupid. Most of the time, a guy uses a condom and a girl can get birth control. So sex doesn't have to be a long term investment. Sex is a lot of fun, and while it does get more and more special when you've been with your girlfriend for 3+ years, the initial fun part of sex can be had by anyone.
One short sleepe past wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
-John Donne
Although the initial fun part can be had by everyone I still believe that we should educate our children on a need for commitment before you rush into sex. I don't think that if someone is not ready then they are stupid, but stupid decisions can be made by someone who is not ready compared to someone who is. Casual sex is what spreads diseases and absentee parents and promotes more of a need for abortion.
I have never failed. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ideas that don't work.
-Thomas Edison
There is an extremely thin line between teaching a child to be committed to have sex and no sex before marriage. So far you've stayed with the former, but just barely.
How do you know if you're ready to have sex? There is no test, no value to measure yourself up against. You never know if you're ready. The only way to find out is if you do it. Commitment is a scary thing for a lot of people, and it doesn't have to be necessary in order to discover the joys of sex.
One short sleepe past wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
-John Donne
Those joys can turn on you. Teenage pregnancy, HIV, other diseases...those are the kinds of problems that young people are facing. I do not preach marriage, by any means and am offended that you assume that's what I'm talking about when I say commitment. My wife and I have 3 kids, ages 9, 5, and 2 and we've only been married for 5 months. I would never be the one to preach to anyone that you should have sex only after you're married. But I'm not going to tell my oldest daughter who will be a teenager in just a couple of years to go out and do it and see if you're ready or not. That's absurd. I don't want my children to have sex until they are old enough to deal with the possible consequences of their actions. If they think casual sex is great I will ask them if they are prepared to die just so they can sleep around. And I'm not going to be happy raising a grandchild because my 14 year old daughter was discovering the joys of sex.
I have never failed. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ideas that don't work.
-Thomas Edison
Since I lack the personal experience you carry proudly, I cannot argue along the same emotional lines that you have pulled.
Besides, what reason do you have to be offended? Marriage and commitment are very closely related, and being brought up in a church where they prefer you not kiss before marriage, my mind automatically jumps from one to the other. Both of us have our own backgrounds, and I hope you aren't that easy to offend.
The whole point I was trying to make with this post was that men need to be aware of the astounding sexual potential women have. But, the men who read this post would only care if they themselves cared for the person they were sleeping with. I will not go so far as to say that he is committed to her, but there is definitely a degree of it.
But again: It is not necessary.
One short sleepe past wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.
-John Donne
I understand. Women's sexuality is still a mystery, even to the most masterful of lovers. I do believe that a man can better tap into that potential with a committed relationship. After you've been with a person for a while you get more comfortable and you can better acheive orgasms and explore different routes to your sexuality that you wouldn't if you weren't comfortable.
I do not offend easy. I usually have a pretty even temper when it comes to both sides of the argument. I was more speaking from a parents point of veiw over a young mans piont of view. But I do realize what you're trying to say. Thank you.
I have never failed. I have successfully discovered 10,000 ideas that don't work.
-Thomas Edison
Thanks for posting this. It was very well written with a good purpose.
You put it perfectly!
~ Be so strong that nothing can disturb your piece of mind~
Wow! Very informative haha~
As usual donne you did it up.
Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth!~JFK
I always wondered if one could say words like vagina and penis and so forth repeatedly through a post with out becoming crude or elliciting a blush. Good job.
Thase posts made me think what it would be like to teach, or attend, a sex class called something like Real Sex 101. It could start in college campuses and work through to a simplified younger school version. Hmmm I wounder if this would reduce teenage pregnancies and lower the despised abortion debate rates????
Thanks again
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
I dunno, could happen. A lot can happen with a little information. But still, it will always be an unknown for teenagers, and I don't think any class can take away their curiosity and whatnot.
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
Excellent! Well written and very informative. The more we know the better and more satisfying or sex lives have the potential to be. Education is certainly whre it's at. Nothing pleases me more than hearing my partner say, "I was reading today and there's somehting new I'd like to try.." Thank you for this informative blog, and hopefully others can use this information. I can just see couples sharing breakfast, still glowing from the night before thinking what good advice they read on Prog U the previous day!
~I should have ducked~
nice post. haha. let every man on here be educated.
x: Sammy :)
I like that you have research to back up what you're saying. I can't stand it when people presume to say that one sexual method is "better" or "more pleasure conducing" than another and only have their own experiences to back this up. :)
At the same time I would have to say that all women are different. I personally know some women who apparently get most of their pleasure from interior stimulation.
Also I partly think it's a bit of unfair generalization towards men to say that men of a certain time period felt no obligation (how are we to know this anyway?) for their partner's sexual pleasure. I think they probably cared very much but perhaps like you said, there wasn't a lot of open discussion about it and people were uptight about it so it wasn't really something that people could easily get better at.
Sex-ed should be taught using the Kinsey model, but this country is still too puritanical to ever allow it. "Remember, kids, sex is dirty. Only do it if you have to, and don't enjoy it." is the model now, and that's not likely to change any time soon. Even if people were just taught to pay attention to their bodies in general, that would be a great start.
I blame the pope.
Nice post.
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If I had had more time I would have written less. -- Thomas Jefferson
RachelSetzer.com
Hmm, I don't think people tell their kids to not enjoy sex, or to do it only if they have to. Right now it's more of a "Don't do it. Ever. If you do, you will get an STD and you will die."
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
"Don't do it. Ever. If you do, you will get an STD and you will die."
If they even say that at all. There is this huge problem with sex being an uncomfortable topic because its too "personal". I'm reminded of a scene with John Cleese from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life... which represents the how to guide to sex and foreplay. I think it makes a good point that people always become a little uncomfortable whent he topic comes up and there are those that are way too open and way too uncomfortable.
Sex is a topic of extremes I'd say... back and forth... well you get the point!
"Its all very well in practice but it will never work in theory."
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/daimler
I'll say. esuffern's last post, "Fuckin' Lifetime" only confirms what you just said. Either it's a movie about how self-esteemless girls have promiscuous sex, get STDs, and die... or a large group of friends get together every weekend to have mad orgies. It's kinda up for grabs, take your pick.
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
I really liked your post. It is very interesting, organized and infomative.
I am in the years that sex-ed was in all the schools and we had never learned anything like this. Sex-ed was just there to show you how to say no, how to be careful and the anatomy. My mother gave me a book to look at for my sex talk. My next class would be a pre-natal class at the age of 17. Still really nothing new and just the basics. You really never know what to expect about anything sexual until you experience it and you never really truly experience it until it is shared with a trusting, respectful, caring, and loving partner.
I have taken Psychology: Human Development and this is where I acutally felt like I walked away with some useful information not only about myself but about sex, sex myths, variations of sexual behavior and rituals. I couldn't believe it that something like this isn't offered to pre-sexual or sexually active teenagers. Knowledge sure is an eye-opener.
Your post was very intellectual with an enticing title. ;)
i think that more people should know about this because it's not something that is taught in sex-ed. it would help those really immature boys realize that sex isn't just for them .it was a very good post.
Every person who makes love to a female should know this.
And I couldn't help but laugh at what happened to that poor man.
I couldn't help but cringe in my chair upon hearing that bit of news. May that be a lesson to us all...
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
Well written, well organized, very informative, and very interesting piece - just gotta say.
Peace
Tahni
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"Tell me - if no one ever hears what you say, then why don't you shout it?" -- Floater
I find it interesting the number of blogs that are arising which relate to the vagina. Its like vagina blogs and feminism blogs are the new abortion blogs. This is interesting to note.
This was a well organized blog and very well researched. Nice work!
"Its all very well in practice but it will never work in theory."
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/daimler
I'll take vagina blogs over abortion debates any day.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
For Sure. I'll drink to that.
"Its all very well in practice but it will never work in theory."
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/daimler
But the nice thing about discussing the female anatomy is that it hasn't been done too much (forgive the pun). Hopefully it won't be, but I suppose we can mark it as an advance in human understanding if we are willing to discuss it much more openly. Perhaps, in effect, ProU will be the foundation for the largest spike in underage promiscuity since the 60's.
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
Touchy subject for some(don't know why but it is) but you handled it with grace and intellect. As a man, and without disclosing details, I can happily say that all men should pay more attention to a woman's sexual desires. They might even like what they find.
Silent enim leges inter arma
It's touchy because, despite a much more thorough understanding, it's still an unknown factor to most guys. We aren't taught anything about it. Sex is still seen as vaginal only and the only way we can learn anything about it is to experiment with it ourselves. But what the hell do we know about it anyway? It's kinda weird, and what if we screw up, what if it tastes too bad, what if the girl laughs at our attempts? The worst thing a girl can do during sex is laugh at you, so why risk it? There are a lot of unknowns that many guys can't handle.
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
It's really good to know that there are guys out there who care about there partners' sexual fulfilment.
As much as cunnilugus is unknown territory for young guys, it's not something that emphasized as part of the sexual experience of young women. We're not taught that its something we deserve, so it's not something we feel comfortable accepting. I think its safe to say most women feel much more comfortable worrying about their partners' pleasure than their own.
But its ultimately up to both partners to make sure their making the most of their sexual experience.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
That most guys don't know what they are doing or what they could be doing. All the information is out there for you guys, go get it. Nobody is going to care if you look up some stuff on your computer one day and most of all its gonna pay off eventually, it is the best investment you can ever make. Now the real thing is, obviously, different than reading what to do off a website but hopefully you've picked a partner that you are open and trusting with( or else put your clothes back on.) Lastly being on the "Light Side," opposed to the dark side, of sex is a good feeling for you, it boosts your self-esteem and self-confidence and moreso, most women will say lack of confidence is a huge turn off. Do your homework fellow men. www.askmen.com for starters.
Silent enim leges inter arma
I think more than reading up on the subject that a man should practice doing it with his lover. Every woman is different and likes different things, even from a man's tongue. Be experimental and open and try things out with your partner. Women should be open and honest with their man as to what she like's so he can fulfill her fantasies better.
No day but today
-RENT
Wow I really liked this post. Very very unique and well written :)
`lacey
There are no beautiful surfaces without terrible depth...