So I was looking through my old creative writing journal today and got caught up in the worlds I created through my writings. I laughed, speculated, and even got chills by what I was capable of. Some of it was really good, and I remember the reasoning behind it, and how much fun I had writing it (and found out that I wanted to continue it, or re-create the world I had began) but others just baffled me. I have no memory of writing them. For example, here is a poem I wrote:
It is unknown to all
But felt by the rest
Seeing but not knowing
knowing but not thinking
thinking but not understanding
understanding but not learning
learning but not remembering
remembering but not sharing
sharing but not caring
Why is that they feel this?
Because they see, know, think
understand, learn, share
and care.
They wouldn't function without it
or could they?
I even left a footnote of: "I have no idea what I'm talking about." It flows nicely but there's no sense behind it. Like I have no idea why I wrote this, or what provoked me into the content/format. I admit that I’m no Artist when it comes to writing, but I enjoy it immensely, and come up with pretty good stuff, but I have to work harder then Artist. So what exactly does this poem mean? Why did i write what I did? I'm lost in my own head.
If you look deeper into yourself I'm sure you'll find what it means.
Thanks for the comment. :D I'll keep searching.
May I offer my humble interpretation. I read your first three blogs and found myself smiling at memories of a former self. As if I can somehow understand you, only in the limited fashion that I understand myself. Let me explain what I percieve...
You think of yourself as a "good kid," someone who has been brought up well, doesn't do wrong and generally does the right thing. Everyone else thinks the same way about you and you get along with pretty much anybody.
But somehow things are more complicated. You speak in parables without knowing their meaning. You stare curiously at darkness, as if it were something to be turned over and investigated. You don't understand it only because you don't understand yourself. You express yourself in hope that someone will clarify for you the things you do not understand about yourself.
You feel driven by fate, washed by time, guided by unseen forces and called to some unknown purpose. Life has meaning for you, but you don't know what it is. You see it but somehow can not know it. You know it exists, but you can't seem to think what it could be. You obsessively think on it but can't understand it. You understand it's power over your life, but have yet to learn it's goal. You learn it's patterns but can't remember where it came from. You remember every step it led you in, but you can't seem to share the path. You share your thoughts, but you don't really care where the path leads. But for how ignorant you paint yourself, you are constantly nagged by the feeling that 'they' understand. That this is a cosmic joke where everyone knows the punch line but you. You wonder how anyone could operate in life so blind.
Plainly, you know you have some purpose, but you are aggrevated because others seem to know what theirs are while you have no idea what yours is.
That, as I said, is my humble interpretation, and could be completely wrong. I don't pretend to know anything, but I am a fan of overanalyzation (and this, I think is my longest work of it). So I hope you appreciate this as a commentary, almost a fiction. May you find your own meaning, and truth on the side.
-mersayochan
YOU ARE AMAZING!! Its like u know me or something, or stepped into my head. Cause that's exactly how i feel inside myself now. I know I want to own a horse farm when i'm older, but I wand to be in the film too, and combining the two is sorta hard, I want to go to a film school, but one with an equestrian team too. The perfect school for me is ivy League ( I'm good but not that good) and the next best doesn't have film. I feel that all my friends have all their hopes and dreams set, while i'm stuck behind not knowing what I want to do. I know what I want but I don't know how to get there, or what's NEEDED to achieve what I want. I want to be with my friends forever, but I want to travel the world, and see new things. Its SO hard. its like there's two people inside of me, trying to fight for what they want, but they only seem to clash, rather then succeeding.
THANKS FOR YOUR AMAZING INSIGHT. U WERE DEAD ON. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW BEAUTIFUL. THANK YOU SO MUCH :-SS
I love looking back on past thoughts and ideas. You learn things about yourself that you never would have noticed otherwise.
F*** Religion. Read more here:
http://www.progressiveu.org/020528-f-religion
I am always finding out new things about myself, that i never knew I possesed. So yeah def. agree. I was also just looking at past pictures too.
It seems as if the past is always following us.