Have you ever experienced that intense pressure that family members sometimes exert on you when their expectations of you are so great? Beyond this, the fear that you have that you might disappoint all of them? There's a lot of confusion in figuring out exactly where your dreams begin and where everyone's expectations end.
I'm a highschool senior this year, good grades and huge goals and dreams. I was accepted to my first choice University already and the ecstasy of my extended family was so palpable over the phone that it's hard to explain. I've always wanted to go to college because I love learning. at least I think I do. The expectation of college has always been there for me. I'm one of those people that tries to make everyone happy, so maybe I'm altering my reality to fit what others want my reality to be. Is this even possible?
Are these doubts normal growing up or am I just crazy? I don't want to end up at college just to find myself completely unhappy, nor do I want to find myself "climbing the ladder" in a job I despise just because it fits my personality and is something I'm good at to make everyone proud of me. I just want to be happy; but then again...happiness is subjective.
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I see me in you right now...Let me warn you...you can't make everyone happy without sacrificing yourself...Then you eventually hate yourself and keep it inside as to not alert others.
As wonderful as you are, you are not perfect and are still human...
See, I know all that in my head, but upon realizing all of this, I've begun to panic that maybe what I'm doing isn't what I want to do, it's what I believe I'm expected to do and I've just convinced myself that it's what i want to do.
If that makes any sense whatsoever.
and have no identity...NONE. I am confused all of the time as to what I want from life and myself.