Whether you smoke or not really doesn't affect whether or not I think your a good person, but if you smoke, I'm not going to hang out with you. It's not personal, of course, I happen to have lung problems and can pick that scent up anywhere, and it irritates me--physically. Now, if you smoke and lie about it, that's when we're going to have issues.
Take for example, my mother. She started smoking at the age of eleven. That causes a lot of people to stop and go "Wow, the world really has changed a lot, hasn't it?" and it has, but that's for another post some where else. Starting at any age is never good, but eleven, when you're still developing? It almost crosses a line past addiction.
For all my life it's been one promise after another "I'm going to quit, honey, I'm going to quit." And she would, for a little while, before jumping back on. She's been watching her mother go in and out of doctors offices and hospitals due to lung issues, and she knows it's not healthy for her. She also knows that it's not healthy for me, as I was diagnosed with mild asthma when I was a child (apparently I grew out of it).
Finally, about two years ago, she divorced my father, and with him went the cigarettes. She just couldn't handle it anymore. I've never been more proud of anybody in my life. My sister and I did what we could to support and help her, and a few months ago she went out to a friend and came back early with apologies because the smoke was irritating her and how could we let her expose us to such stuff?
All seemed great, until the call from her sister informing her that her mother's on the list for a lung transplant because she wouldn't stop smoking.
For anybody else that would've made them swear off cigarettes for good--apparently, my mother's not anybody else, as today I stumbled upon her "stash" as it was. After a few sideways remarks to let her know I knew and was not happy, she finally caught on and seemed angry at me for accidentally finding out.
Don't get me wrong, if my mom wants to destroy herself like that, I'm not going to stop her. I'm going to be pissed off at her, and I will let her know. I mean, her mother isn't sure if she's going to be alive for my high school graduation because of this surgery, if I decide to have kids later--I really don't want to have a sense of deja vu as she pulls the same thing on me. It's just a matter of the secrecy behind it, the lie of "Smoking is bad! I don't do it anymore!" being paraded in front of me, and my younger sister.
What kind of a role model is that?
And how reflective of society it is. How many people hide things like that from people who have a right to know? How often do we give in to the pitholes of our desires, only to hide in shame later?
I can't even begin to describe the feeling of disappointment I have right now.
i'm sorry this is happening to you!!
just let her know that she may not mind that she is hurting herself, but you should let her know that she is her hurting you at the same time. let her know that u dont know what u are you going to do with out her?
I'm a little confused. Is your grandma getting the transplant, or your mom? And who informed who about the 'mother' being on the list?
~C
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And how reflective of society it is. How many people hide things like that from people who have a right to know? How often do we give in to the pitholes of our desires, only to hide in shame later?
It's not really 'reflective of society'. It's just human nature. Your mom doesn't want to admit she has a problem. She hid the fact maybe because she didn't want to disappoint you. She gave in to the 'pitholes' because she's addicted. Don't blame her, blame the cigarette companies making millions off people's downfalls.
+mspin
Except she's the one who needs the double lung transplant. Unfortunately her body is too sick to go through the surgery. She has an incurable lung and heart disease and STILL smokes. I even wrote a blog about her illnesses. I've gone through so many nights of crying myself to sleep and have said some pretty harsh words to her, hoping to open her eyes. She knows what she's doing, but she won't stop. She's just killing herself more quickly along with my father...
It's hard, my friends don't seem to understand. Kudos to you, hang in there!
You know, the funny thing is, you posted this on her birthday :-)
Times flies like the wind; fruit flies like a banana.
I noticed you mentioned something about hiding things from people that have a right to know. The only person that has a right to know an adult's activities and decisions is the adult themselves. Anyone who hides something for any reason has a right to do so unless they are under some court order to reveal the secret.
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I think she was only hiding her smoking to protect you, not to deceive you. People make choices all of the time that they are not proud of....she was probably embarrassed and just didn't want you to know she was smoking. Don't be too hard on her......
Poison Ivy is right she was most likely hiding it to keep you from doing it and trying not to set a bad example. It is an addiction no matter how you look at it so as much as people want to quit know its bad for them they do it from habit and a need to smoke. No one ever really wants to subject them self to something that bad. Like construction workers wearing respirators because of the asbestos they may be working around. Or anyone for that matter who works and needs a respirator yet goes and smokes a cigarette while on break. There is plenty of mesothelioma information as well as smoking related articles online with ideas on how to quit. I say you go cold turkey.