Just started first grade. I could'nt be even more proud! Just the sweetest little being who has more life more light in her eyes, than any other child. Bias I may be but I'm her mother! Perfection was made when she was born. I see no flaws in her...others do when they look at her.
She has broken teeth from a serious accident when she was one. She is very tall for her age.People think she is 8 or 9 years old. flaws to them but not in me. Why is it so important for others to point these flaws out. Especially to a child. Is it personal gradification...Do they feel better when someone else hurts from there comments? I'm not only talking about children but adults as well.
I was at my daughters school dropping her off in the morning. My daily routine was interrupted! A mother came up to me infront of other parents talking extra loud ( for a reason I do not understand, maybe so everyone can feel her pain or she is hard of hearing). Talking about her daughter not eating at all since she started school. Hmmm.....I could not help think that is what my honies was doing also! I thought maybe the reason for my child not really having an appetite is because it's so hot here in Vegas. Playing hard in the heat makes you loose your hunger. Or I thought maybe her starting a new school in a new enviroment with new faces is a huge ordeal for her. The mother told me something that was life altering.
She grabbed her daughter who was lined up for class. All of a sudden her daughter was forced to tell me infront of other parents what was so disturbing. Her mother said " tell her what you told me in the morning "? Little girl said " your daughter and I came up with an idea to stop eating so your daughter won't be fat "! WHAT!! My emotions were going crazy!
I immediately went to my daughters classroom and pulled her out so we can be alone. I knelt down to make eye contact with her and asked if this was true? She shrugged her shoulders and glanced down to her feet. I was very cautious how to word this situation because little children are so personable. I gave her a hard and long hug, that moment will be in my mind forever! Caringly I said " you know you are perfect in mammas and pappas eyes. No one can take that away from you. What other kids and adults think on how you LOOK should NOT matter "! She smiled and turned to go back into her classroom.
I went to the school office and immediately signed my daughter up for counceling. SELF ESTEEM to be exact! Went home and called my mom! I was crying, I could not believe this is going on. My mom is the only person in this world who has the up most wisdom! She had giving me tools for my sweet angel. How to boost my daughters self esteem. And I'm so thankful. My mom asked me if I talk down about myself infront of my daughter. She said " Now be honest, everyone has done it from one point in life to the next ". And you know what, I have.
My skin ofcourse! I was born with sporiasis and have lived with it since I was 4. A tough road I have indured in my life time. Another thing was my weight. After having mt daughter I had gained so much weight from being layed up in bed for almost my whole pregnancy. It's taking a very long time with hard work to be where I am today. I've talked about my junk in my trunk playfully infront of her. Not knowing how much of an impact it was having on my baby! Shame on me as a mother, but I have came to a conclusion. I am not a perfect mother...WHO is!
My daughter and I do mental excercises in the mirror. We look deep down in our own eyes and tell ourselves we love and respect ourselves. Than we hug ourselves! Things seem to be getting better with her eating habits and she seem so much happier. When she's happy mammas happy!!
This little pack her and the other girl had is disappearing in the mists. I go to my daughters school almost everyday for lunch. Just so my child can see that her mamma cares. She loves that when I do that! In my heart I will always remember what could have happened if I never knew about this. And I'm thankful for that mother telling me.
If there was a problem with my daughter I think it was just the tip of starting to be a crisis. I will always help her and teach her that it does NOT matter what someone elses opinion is about her. All that matters is what she feels about herself. And this was a major life altering lesson for me. I'm not noticing my sporiasis as much and my junk in my trunk is beautiful! =0)
I was a camp counselor this year in a summer camp, and I had girls tell me that they couldn't eat hot dogs because they were too fattening. She was in the first grade as well. I think back to when I was that age and I remember not even thinking about how much I weighed. I became conscious of my weight at maybe the end of seventh, the beginning of eighth grade. It's not just your daughter, kids are noticing younger and younger, and I personally think that fashion and media have something to do with it. Have you seen how thin models are? It's good she has you, and that you care so much about her
This is crazy! It is my first time hearing about first graders thinking about their weight! I never did until about 6th grade.
I have tears in my eyes from your sweet comment! I try to be the best mamma for my sweet angel. I'm not perfect..who is? But I tell you what, this huge ordeal has changed the way I see. I can not believe little children are so concerned with there weight and how they look! I monitor what my daughter watches on T.V. and try to limit what the so called ideal girl needs to look like! It's coming from her school so I have to figure how to help solve this issue. Thank you for your comment...I needed to hear that! =0)
Do you limit the amount of time she spends playing with barbies? I know that this may sound stupid, but girls who play a lot with the ideal dolls want to be that ideal image and it definitely affects them because they want to look like her. I know that when I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up to become beautiful like barbie. I played with her not just for fun, but because she was my icon, my future. If not monitored, it can have dangerous effects on the subconcious leading to other things.
My daughter does have some barbies, but they are collecting dust in her closet. She doesn't even own one babydoll. Strange but true! She love horses and everything about them.
She pretends she's a horse all of the time. So cute and funny. When we are grocery shopping she pretends she's one. My hubby bought her a horse costume hat and hoofs. They make a gallopping sound when she trotts. I laugh because it's very cute. She even got her classmates pretending they are horses. At school the parents and I chuckle when all of the kids are pretending they are wild stallons! HA HA HA!!
I just think with what ever was going on with her that it was being rubbed off on her from her friend. She's a whole lot better, but I'm going to stick to my guns with this! Thank you for your concern.
http://www.progressiveu.org/090204-dont-miss-this-chance
Yeah, she sounds cute. She also sounds like she has a lot of potential to be a leader from what I hear about the latest horse trend. :) But if she comes out strong through this, she can help other girls too. Way to go supermom!
I wrote in one of my blogs about my experience with anorexia...
The age of it starting is becoming lower and lower. I started dealing with serious image issues when i was around the 3rd grade and started doing something about it when i was in 5th grade. Unfortunately this thing is happening more often then we realize. Its soo sad and i'm so sorry that your daughter was affected in this way.
I know this is touchy, but feel free not to answer it if you don't want to. So, you were anorexic because of the media and skinnny girls in magazines? Not because of something in your family, etc that you went through?
It seems this issue od body image is starting younger and younger I believe that has to do with the increasing amount of media and the value we place on the media.
i agree that has its own degree and effect. But I highly doubt that this first grader is seeing all these teen magazines of skinny girls and wants to be skinny and instyle like them. It has mostly to do with peer pressure. She wanted to be skinny because she saw how fat girls were being made fun of. Instead of blaming the media, we should teach our kids to respect, to not be cruel. We should set an example to them by not bad mouthing people in front of our kids, because we may not know how our kids go out and do the same in front of people's faces and cause those girls to be anorexic. We may think they are angels and have no clue that our actions have set forth a bad set of events.
You are so right! My daughter was getting teased for heigth! She's not fat, she's bigger than the other kids in her class. So I guess to them she's fat. That little girl my daughter had made a packed with is so mislead. Her mother is over weight and she's teaching her daughter to watch what she eats. The mother told me this last year! The mother is so affraid of her daughter being big like her. So little girl is confused. She is affraid to big like her mother so she decided to stop eating. She didn't want to do it alone so she was trying to talk my daughter in doing it with her. Told her she's fat! Unbelievable...How the parents are sweeping the problems under the carpet. Ignoring the problem so they can look at themselves in the mirror! I can not tell you how many times I have place the parents back into their place for rude comments to other children and adults! I'm tired of it and I am not affraid to speak my mind. My daughter is well sheltered from the media and the magazines. I'm sure all women...from one point of time to the other have said something negative about themselves. It's realizing you are being negative and changing it to a positive. Easier than it sounds! I know! So next time you look at yourself in the mirror..try doing it naked and tell yourself you love yourself. My daughter is an angel...so pure! That is the way GOD intended! It's the media and ignorance in people who are taking that away! I'll be darn if it's going to happen to my six year old!
Again, i agree. I believe that the overweight mother had a low self esteem, didn't embrace her body, and that carried on to her daughter. Since the mom couldn't change her image, she was hoping she would get a second image through her daughter not following her footsteps. Its a weird way to explain it. I am not sure you know what I mean.
I hate to be rude but I had to stop reading half way through because the font is weird and there are no paragraphs. I tried to read faster so I could get through this amazing story but I cannot.
The fact that this woman made her daughter tell everybody is to me a little weird. I would have taken the other parent aside and said something privately.
I really do not know what is wrong with these people. I am torn between saying your daughter has a really good friend and saying that they need to be separate.
I cannot believe so young.
It is bath time now I will can to come back in a little, maybe by then I will be able to finish your post...I will vote on it then.
This is my run in with judging morons.:
http://www.progressiveu.org/121106-boys-n-pink
~blurry eyed
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
I Agree its a little hard to read
:) thats okay. The story more than makes up for it.
TRUE, THE FONT IS HARD TO READ WHEN ITS LIKE THIS or when it is in a different font. It hurts the eyes. And I totally wouldn't have made the girl say it in front of anyone either. Thats weird. I would take the girl's parents aside and have a chat with the principal so that the parents know what the girl caused to happen.
I would definatelky let the principle know that his young girls already are thinking about eating disorders so that the science class can talk about nutrtion and healthy ways to live. Or at least send home letters to parents so they know to talk with their kids about health and wellness, and that this might be an issue and not a phase.
Maybe with the obese epidemic, someone did a bad job teaching.
I hope this makes sense but the baby cries
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
Totally understand!! =0) You have a GREAT idea! OMG...I'm going to make flyers and pass them around to the parents. The school sort of tries but all of the parents have to help to!
It all starts from home...If only I can get it in there thick skulls that this should not be taking lightly! It's a battle... A war!!
All of the tools I'm teaching to my daughter is going to be a never ending battle! I guess that is parenthood!
My mom told me " welcome to motherhood "! I cried...I'm so shocked this is going on! She's so young...to be sucked up in this worldly garbage!
At 6 I did not care about what others thought of me. I think my daughter is very personable! That is scarey...I have to be quick and guide her back into place!
" This Too Will Pass "
I like proactive parents. that is good. I just wish people would realize that disasters are waiting around the corner for all of us and it can happen to our own.
We all are guilty of when we see something go wrong for others to think "oh that would never happen to mine!"
But it does and it will esspecially if we do not teach our youngins the right way about safety issues as well as wellness.
Oh and make sure the school does not have some funky rule that prevents outside flyers or they need approval first.
Good luck and eat well.
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
http://www.progressiveu.org/090204-dont-miss-this-chance
YEAH!! GO MOM! You can do it. Let us know how it goes.
Everything made sense but the last part, ironically
I hope this makes sense but the baby cries
Is that a quote? Not sure.
Oh, I get it, you quote me saying " I hope this makes sense, but the baby cries" you should probably use quote marks when you quote someone, or use a diffrent font.
This means That I hope what I wrote makes sense (sounds right) but I can not check because I have to go to the crying baby. You are not around children or parents very much are you?
Philisophical mumbo jumbo ahead: Sometimes when we come to read something that does not make sense it is because we apply it our own way to our own situation. If it does not seem right maybe the staement is coming from somewere your not.
I am glad it made sense to you.
~Outside the box
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
Oh, thanks. Yeah, that totally makes sense now. No, I am not around kids AT ALL. We have a quiet grown up small family of 3 kids and parents. So I am used to the peace and quiet with no one to bug me when I am blogging. Its nice, you know. But it can get lonely SOMETIMES. I would rather have peace and quiet all the time though.
http://www.progressiveu.org/090204-dont-miss-this-chance
Yeah my family was like that four years ago...the quiet wont last much longer I am sure;)
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
Hey what do you mean there is no paragraphs! I must be doing something wrong! Leave a private message for me to fix this. I'm new here...Only two days so all the help I can get will be appreciated! Thank you! I couldn't believe the mother did that! She has no concer for herself, her daughter, or me! I'm happy she had told me but I was pissed off and embarressed at the same time! Well I nipped this problem so early. And I refuse to let up on this serious situation! Thank you!
I sent you that private message let me know if you need any other input.
Come check out my health and wellness series for ideas to help your children and yourself be healthy.
Keep writing.
all truths are easy to understand once discovered; the point is to discover them ~galileo
You said"Come check out my health and wellness series for ideas to help your children and yourself be healthy."
Cool. Are you in nursing or something?
While you are at it, can you change the font too>? Thanks. IT makes it easier to read.
It's hurtful to know that young kids are so heavily influenced by magazines and celebrities already. Maybe you should be more cautious about what your daughter watches on TV. Iknow that when i was young my only interests on tv were cartoons, not shows with boring humans. But times have changed. You're doing a good job with encouraging the beauty you daughter already has.
When i looked in the mirror when i was young and saw a flaw, i said to myself "Oh well, it's not my problem. My parents will have to deal with it since they gave birth to me."
When i looked in the mirror when i was young and saw a flaw, i said to myself "Oh well, it's not my problem. My parents will have to deal with it since they gave birth to me."
Thats an interesting way of seeing it. Never occured to me. How are your parents supposed to fix it? Maybe it comes with the whole childish thinking that parents are heroes, they know everything and can fix everything.
You know...I do control what my daughter watches on T.V.. She mostly watches cartoons on the christian channel. She loves discovery channel and the animal planet. My hubby and I encourage her with all of the different television programs from animals to the how to survive in the wildernest! We've got to be quick with distracting my honies because some of the commercials out on T.V. are tasteless. But that's like an hour or so a day she's infront of the T.V. We hike, read, bike ride, shop =0), computer, ect...! Thank you for your encouraging comment. I'm teaching her as well teaching myself. That's my life lesson in this ordeal...And I'm greatful!
Great job! you seem like a great mom who cares about her kids. Have you guys seen the nightmare for baby programs? Are they serious or is it a show for older people? I can't imagine who would make such a show for children. I never personally saw it, but it sounds pretty bad.
I've never seen or heard of nightmare for baby programs. What is that? It does sound aweful! I would never allow my daughter to watch a television program that engourage children to have nightmares! It could be for adults.....A title that plays with words to grab their attention. Sounds sick to me.
This issue is seriously out of control. The media is always talking about obesity and how kids aren't healthy enough, but they really don't talk about eating disorders. Maybe that's because the media is causing them. I wish that more people would learn that beautiful and underweight aren't synonymous.
The media doesn't cause eating disorders, I think it just makes existing ones even worse.
i wouldn't blame it all on the media. I get bombarded by the media every day and I am a model, and I am not anorexic. Its the parents job to encourage the girls every day after school and tell them they are beautiful no matter what anyone else says. If parents step back and don't say anything, we are doing them harm because by not placing a strong image of who the child is, we are letting kids at school tell them who they are which leads to disorders. But so many parents choose the excuse that they are too busy working or whatever. When you care for your kid, you will do everything in your power to prevent these disorders from happening. Often, parents start saying words of encouragement when it is too late, when the disorder has already appeared due to lack of parents' involvement and support
Parents can be the causes of eating disorders though. They often play a large role anyway, and it has nothing to do with food or weight that causes it. It's the psychological trauma, or years of emotional or physical abuse, or overall degrading comments. Sometimes even parents with the best of intentions of can contribute to eating disorders.
yes, you are right. Parents often ARE the cause of eating disorders because of what they DO not do. They don't teach their kids, or don't instill a high self esteem in them, etc.
This issue is so out of control! My daughters school was having a party at McDonalds to raise money for a fundraiser. I was appauled that a school and the PTA would even encourage our children to eat that crap! Why could'nt they have it in the schools lunch room! Serve some baked chicken nuggets and yummy fruit! I took that bright idea to the parents who participate with the PTA. I was basically out numbered by the decision. I guess it's easier to slowly kill our children than make things healthier around them. I have an idea about the eating disorders in our children. Since the way we precieve ourselfs reflects on how we take care and love ourselves. How about this...Since this mirror excercise is working for me as well as my daughter, why can't our children in schools do the same. You know, as a homework that's needs to be done at home with there families at home. Or take 5 minutes out of the day to do it at school. The parents buy a little compact for the kids to keep in there school bags. The teachers have all of there students take out the compact to look deep into there eyes. Say they respect, love, and cherish themselves and others. I think this can help also if this assignment goes home, maybe the parents will gain something out of it. The strange thing out of all of this is that my daughter is not fat! What the heck...she a little fluffy but that's all! Unbelievable!!
Thats an interesting idea but I don't see America doing this any time soon. Honestly, school is to learn and not for therapy sessions. Thats what parents and counselors are for.
Yeah....but sometime those parents don't have a clue. So if the school supplied tools for these parents than maybe they can address the problem. Some people are affraid of change for good or wrong...So what's the next best thing. Ignoring the situation...Sweep it under the carpet and go on with life. As if nothing ever happened. Sad but true...I don't want to live like that! Not for me or my family. Change is good....all of us change all of the time. Gaining wisdom and strength....That's life!!
Wow, she is so blessed to have a daughter like you to support her as she goes through this in her child and teen years. I hope that when she is a teen, although she may feel distant from you or that she doesn't like you (like so many teens feel for a while), I hope that she will remember what you did for her and will fully appreciate it.
Blessed in so many ways! Not only for her but for me. I'm a ferm believer in sticking by her...NO matter what!! I refuse to loose her in this garbage. I'm greatful for this situation to be up now than later. I'm abled to change the negative into a positive. Hopefully she can rub off onto the other children that's it's O.K. to be different. And she knows mamma and pappa loves her no matter what!
Did you ever have to go through what your daughter is going through as a kid?
No.... My childhood days were terrible! From the time I was four until I was about 22 years old. I'll be DAMNED if my daughter has a life like I did. Whats that saying...Over my dead body! I wouldn't change anything now because I wouldn't be who I am today! It took me along time to discover that...Maybe later I'll blog my childhood days and how I accepted my past.
http://www.progressiveu.org/090204-dont-miss-this-chance
Yes you should. It sounds interesting and I AM SURE that we can all relate to it. You know, kids can be real cruel. I wonder how they get that way. They are evil to each other and taunt each other to the point of depression and suicide. How do parents not know these things?
There was a girl around 5 or 6 on television who had the beginnings of an eating disorder because of images in the media (magazines specifically.) It was further aggravated by the fact that her mother was overweight. The girl literally said "I don't want to look like my mommy." Good on you for catching it.
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Gabriel
Scary. 5 or 6, wow. All 5 year old girls do is play with barbies. Which probably has an impact on young girls who want to be just as skinny as her.
I will bet you that it is because the mother talked negative about herself in front of her child and had low self esteem. Parents have to be a good role model of how they see and treat themselves because children are very observant and follow the parents example.
I don't think you give little kids enough credit. There are smart little girls out there. Heck, my sister could completely finish any version of Freddy Fish in 5 minutes when she was 3. By the time she was in kindergarten (when she was 5), she was starting to write and read. My other little sister was out finding bugs of all sorts by the time she was 5. And she's one of the most loving girls that I know... she constantly stands up for kids that are smaller than her and makes new friends all the time.
~C
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Thats very good. I guess she has a strong family and parents to boost her self esteem and encourage her.
My heart hurts for that little girl who is friends with my daughter. I've talked with her mother to boost her daughters self esteem. But all I got was the roll of her eyes. I thought about having the two little girls not be friends and seperate them! I changed my mind because if it's not her to teach my honies negative energy than it will be another kid down the line. So I'm allowing them to still be school friends and hoping my daughter can teach her a few new tricks. I talk to the mother everyday on how she can help her daughter. I told her she may find something new about her that she wants to change. But some people are affraid of change so they sweep it under the rug. Ignoring them as well as their young ones. For me...I grasp change and run with it. No matter how old, how young, rich or poor, we all can learn new things about ourselves and make us better and stronger than ever before! That right there is the secret to life. The key is learning!!
" Todays Crisis Is Tomorrows Joke "
It sounds like the mom is having the problems, not the girl since the mom can't take the comments. I wouldn't let my girl be friends with that one because children aren't strong enough to resist or to reject what other people say. For all you don't know, that girl could be dropping words into your daughters thoughts every day. The girl could be complaining about how fat her mom is , how fat she is, etc. Its best to separate them until your daughter is strong enough to distinguish on her own whats right. At this point, you are her life line and you don't want that line cut off every time she goes to school. Then again, its your child. Who am I to tell you what to do?
From reading the above responces it seems everyone wants to blame it on the media. The only times I've felt fat wasn't from seeing skinny girls in magazines, but from comments people around me made.
You did an amazing thing by talking to your daughter, but the truth is not every mom is like you. We need to stop blaming something that we can't control and start looking closer to home.
"How can you say mad when there's so much beauty in the world?"
True. Its more about cruel kids and the comments they make than the media.
I think it is wonderful that you are taking the time and care to think about what your actions and things you say have affected your daughter. I have anorexia and I think if at the age of six, and beyond if people had not commented so much on how skinny I was, I would have been able to accept the changed occuring in my body when I got older. I think you are being an excellent mom, and I can see how much you care. If you have any questions, you can ask me. One thing though, calling your daughter perfect can put a lot of pressure on her to BE perfect. I know it doesn't seem harmful, and you don't mean anything by it, but hearing that you are perfect puts an incredible amount of pressure on that person to live up to that standard. Don't focus too much on the food and eating, let her know how much you love her and bring attention to her other attributes (I'm sure she has many!) It's sad that kids at such a young age are already thinking this way. I wouldn't want someone to have to suffer with this, and I'm glad you're getting your daughter help, and being so concerned!
yes, I agree with the whole perfect thing. You have to tell her that its okay for humans to make mistakes. She will see that you are not perfect either physically, or whatever and she will learn that it is okay. Otherwise, she will struggle to become that perfect girl that she may not feel she is. She won't want to let you down
But she is perfect in my eyes! I don't see faults on her outer apperance! She can be a little snot at times but that's her mentally! All that matters is what my husband and I think of her. We don't see her broken teeth or that one scar. Nor do we even see her fat! And she does have to live up to our expectations because she is six. We expect her to be on her best behavior in class and we expect her to love all shapes and colors in others. We have to be like this because if we weren't she would be a hellan who runs over us and others. Not caring for someones feelings and she would not appreciate life and all of it's beauty. You've got to be a hard butt and keep your foot down because sad to say..look at these children now a days. They are our future and I'm affraid what lays ahead! I'm sad to hear that you have anorexia. I hope you are getting better and that this disorder is disappearing! I'm glad you are addressing anorexia. It must be very hard to search deep down to change the negative into a positive. Keep strong as my daughter and I will!
I can respect and agree with that.
Thank you, and I just want to reiterate that you seem like a fantastic mother. Your daughter is so lucky to have you, and I hope she will always realize how much you love her. I'm glad that there are parents like you out there. It gives me hope.
http://www.progressiveu.org/090204-dont-miss-this-chance
YEs it give me hope and its a great example for all future mothers and fathers.
wow, to think if you had not found out about it, it would have gone on for much longer as it does for other girls, and would have definitely had an impact on your daughter's adolescence. Thankfully you were there in time to prevent this. And how wonderful that she has a strong family to support her and pull her away from the negative aspects found amongst children's relationships.
First grade is really young for kids to be unhappy with their figures! Wow, when i was young all we cared about was which friend's house we were gonna sleep over at next weekend!
http://www.progressiveu.org/090204-dont-miss-this-chance
My question is, what will this come to in 10 years? What can be worse than what it already is today in 1st grade?