I could probably sit here and post all day long about intelligent, funny, and fun subjects and they still would not get ratings, reads or any comments.
Myself being a good person, I have came to a conclusion that it really isn't getting me anywhere. Why not just be selfish and ungreatful like everyone else? I care to much. I want to help people to much. So why should I even give a fuck? I guess I can't help it.
I hate posting rant blogs, but I really am so fed up. I read alot of people's blogs, I rate them and give them comments. I try to comment and read the blogs that are interesting but have no comments or ratings. What do I get back most the time? Nothing. I will not limit this to a rant about blogs because that would be stupid.
I guess I really will just stop caring. For 20 years it has gotten me no where. Life is so boring. I get up I get on this site, or I do homework. I don't travel. I can't even drive a fucking car (at least legally). How pathedic is that. I'm 20 and don't have a license.
What is fun? If someone was to ask me I would not have any idea. I guess this is how it gets as you get older. I see why people do drugs. They get bored. Why don't I become an alcoholic again? Why don't I start cutting again? Why don't I develop back my eating disorder? because I have learned. But I feel like it would be a change from this boring life I am living. I know what you are thinking life is what you make it. Yes it is but the things I want to do to have fun involve travelling. They also involve tangible friends. I don't have any. They involve money. All of which I have the inability to obtain. This fucking economy.
My stress has been bad lately that I have started to not eat hardly anymore. Just Saturday I was moving around my corn wishing it would disappear. I ate some cheese today. wow I'm doing much better. I know how easily I can fall back into this disorder. I am struggling right now again. I can easily go back to stage one after over 6 years of normal eating.
I am sick of not getting any help. Therapist are doing nothing for me. My psycriatrist is also not doing anything. She said take 2 .5 milligrams of these ativan to sleep. Yeah lady that works great. I need to be shot with a tranqulizer gun to sleep you don't realise that do you? If I tell my doctor how bad my lower back is killing me she will just give me some meds and send me home. No one can figure out why I have stomach problems even after I have had a digusting test for it. Doctors really are useless.
You know the funny thing? I have never been on a vacation in my entire life. I have always had to go to places for business purposes. Because my grandfather died, or because my grandmother is sick and needs to see us.
Half the shit my mom told me I could have when she passed away my dad told me I couldn't have. This is wrong. He said I couldn't have her diaries. I have already read them dad. I know the fucked up shit you both did. I could take them out of your house right now and you would never know.
I don't know whether to be happy that my mom is gone or to be sad. I am sad most the time about it not happy. I just am glad I don't have to worry about her punching me or yelling at me. She did nice things also, so I could never understand.
My mom was addicted to anxiety medication. I will not be like that. I make sure I cut myself off and give day breaks. I don't want to get addicted and I won't.
I should just be like all the other selfish,cruel, ungreatful people out there maybe my life would work out better.
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This entry makes me sad. Believe it or not, there are people who do care. It takes a while to get reads/comments/ratings sometimes. Just give it a chance.
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Visit my blog! I'll even provide a link for ya:
Comments are always appreciated! :)
Well I care. If you held open a door for me, I would smile and give thanks. There are people like us out there. The people who allow cars to merge, who hold open doors for strangers, who get up and move on the bus for the elderly. We are there, I promise. You just haven't met all of us yet. Give it time, I am sure you'll meet somebody like us.
Après la pluie le beau temps. ♥
I can say I've been in similar moods lately myself.
Just remember that there are people out there who honestly do care. And while these people might be few and far between, when you find them they are some of the most worhtwhile people ever. You must be one of these people because you want to make a difference in somebody's life. You want to help them along. I'm sorry that you haven't seen much of the good people lately, but they're out there.
And being selfish and greedy and uncaring is a lot harder to force yourself into (I've tried being apathetic before too. I was miserable).
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'But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
That's a cyber hug in the title. You have people here that care about you, Dani. It must be so hard to feel sick and not be able to go out - I would be depressed, too. No, wait, I WAS depressed when I felt sick all the time. I have had TONS of tests because for a couple years I couldn't keep food down and I was in pain all the time. A couple of things have helped:
1) Limiting all of the meds to a bare minimum. My stomach was always so messed up because I am allergic to almost everything. Now that I watch my diet and take my allergy medicine, my stomach has been much better.
2) The Green drink - KyoGreen. It totally tastes like dusty water, but I think you can get it in pill form, too. After about a month I got a lot more energy and my mood changed. It's amazing how it works!
3) Being selfish - every once in a while, you need to take some time just for you. The weather is getting so nice, so maybe a walk. Try not to think about anyone else or their issues. Just repeat all of the things that are great about you in your head. I couldn't think of anything at first, so I just started telling everyone I was perfect and had the perfect life and no problems at all. It began as a joke, but I think the overkill kind of stuck in my head, because after that I could begin identifying the good in myself. The more I reminded myself of the good things about me, the easier it was to cheer myself up when I was feeling down.
The important thing to do is keep your body healthy first, then your mind will begin to follow suit. 2.5 mg of ativan is a lot - how do you function the next morning? Those always gave me a bad "hangover" in the morning. Have you tried Valerian root? It's an herbal remedy, but it can sometimes help with anxiety. I just started taking this thing called Calms Forte that I got at the health food store. I'm not sure what's in it, but it seems to help me relax at night, the best part is there is no drug "hangover."
I like number 3. :]
I got a manicure and pedicure last week, by myself and for myself. I don't really have money for it but I thought to hell with it, I deserve a little something.
Après la pluie le beau temps. ♥
I ment 2 half (.5) milligram which is one. The only thing that works for me is Xanax at night. it really does help me. I wake up groggy but it is better than waking up 8-10 times during the night. I have tried everything. This is the only thing that works. I don't want everyone to think I abuse pills because I don't. it is just hard to get to sleep with flash backs of your mom flatlining. Thanks for the tips!
I am here to inform and help:
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
I didn't mean to imply that I thought you abuse pills at all. I just know that doctors over-prescribe medication too often and oftentimes it can make people more sick. I know someone who died from the medication she was taking and she was taking it as prescribed. I just don't think people should be so quick to take their doctors' words as truth since they are human and can make mistakes, too.
I have had some awful side effects from meds and the best thing I did was to quit taking most of them, even though now I am labeled as a "non-compliant patient." At least I FEEL healthier now!
That seems to be the first thing that pops into some ones mind when a person mentions Xanax or Ativan. That is the only meds I will take and birthcontrol because my periods are awful and Allergy medication. That is all I plan on ever taking. They tried Cymbalta, and Lexapro and I didn't feel like myself so I threw them away. I definately don't listen to the doctor. I only got 3 hours of sleep last night and I took 3 ativan. People that abuse these drugs ruin it for the people who don't, so they won't prescribe these drugs very often, or just in very very low doses.
I'm sorry about the person that passed away from being overprescribed meds.
I agree I believe that sometimes I know more than my doctor. My mom has been misdiagnosised, her bladder was cut with a laser during hysterectomy, she was put on Welburtin which made her go psycho. So yeah I have had bad luck with doctors.
That is all that matters is that you feel better!
I had just hit a breaking point when i wrote this blog. Thanks for being there everyone. i am there for all of you if you need anything. I'm sorry I had to expose you all to all of this i just needed to get somethings out. I hold stuff in alot so it builds up. Thanks again. *Hugs* to all....
I am here to inform and help:
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
I care too. I'm studying to be a pastoral counselor, so I'm no professional, but you can message me anytime if you want.
My goals involved traveling too. I saved money for college, applied for loads of scholarships and got my bachelor's degree. With all that, I was able to apply for a program to teach English in China. You must have a bachelor's degree. All I needed was $800 to secure a job through an organization in South Carolina. Teaching English is good way to travel for people who have little finances. If you or anyone else is interested, I can answer some questions and help you along.
www.progressiveu.org/blog/americangirlinchina