Idiot + Internet = Entertainment The Whole Family Can Enjoy...

When I was younger I used to believe that once I was done with high school I would enter a world that was more mature and 'adult', leaving behind all the bullshit that comes with being a teenager... I have NEVER been more wrong in my entire life.

It seems logical though. To believe that as you get older and gain wisdom through the different experiences life throws at you, that you would begin to suck less at life. Sadly, the real world doesn't favor logic as its strongest card.

So let's look at the typical high school experience. It's filled with the juiciest gossip, the best drama teen angst can buy, and all sorts of crazy hormone induced nonsense. (Just a side note - I was watching some 'High School Confession' thing on the WE channel and I found it kinda interesting that watching someone else's crappy high school career is FAR more entertaining than reflecting on my own... I have mixed feelings on what exactly that means in terms of my high school life... Anyways.) I'm pretty sure almost everyone can look back and find moments where they were truly embarrassed to have existed at that point in time. But that's all a part of growing up, right? To learn from these mistakes and become a better person, blah, blah, blah.

WRONGGGGG. Why, you might ask? Because, for most of us, as we become adults that maturity piece of the puzzle either doesn't fit quite right in its space in the jigsaw or its collecting dust bunnies in the couch cushion of our soul. But here's where that sucking at life part comes into play, adult drama plays out in two different ways:

• Its either completely dry and boring, lacking all of that awesome creativity that was tossed in the trash can back at high school. Or,
• Its ridiculous and should guarantee you a room at the Nut House Hotel... Just sayin'.

The reason why I even bring this topic up stemmed from someone asking if I had written (and I haven't, my bad) in here lately, then later on talked to me about this freakshow of a human being. And what do you know? Instant muse.

*** To not get this person - or me for that matter - into any trouble, I'll change names or be vague... Only I'm sure person X, if you read this, you'll figure it out. But seriously? Really? I gotta call 'em as I see 'em... And crazy this golden is too hard to pass up being bitchy about. ***

All right, so I'm going to refer to this insane individual as FreakShow because its grown on me and I've come to think of it as a endearing nickname.

Now from what I've gathered about FreakShow, I can boil down to this impression (Of which I formed myself - again, so no one gets bitched at... Actually I'm pretty sure all of these 'safety measures' are some sort of guilt for being a douchebag, but I'm also pretty sure I like being a douchebag sometimes... So overruled... But I just thought I'd lay that out there.)

Okay - So EVERYONE has a FreakShow in their lives. If not now, you will soon (Its almost unavoidable, sorry). So everyone should be able to relate. How do I know this? Because we've all dealt with some insanely crazy (haha, I know.) person in our lifetime. This person has probably caused some awkward and discomforting moments. This being the product of having two lonely braincells and the means of vocally sharing their idiocy with us in the form of whatever the fuck they're trying to communicate. Its usually its a bunch of psychotic babel, though distressing non-the-less.

In this case, FreakShow truly decided to be just that... A freak show. So I'm just going write this in a way that would be easiest for me. Letter format.

Dear FreakShow,

First of all, I would like to say HIGH-FIVE for being such a complete jerkface. I mean really, not everyone can maintain the angst ridden mind of a ninth grade girl. Nor do I know many who have the balls to get in the ring with someone who trumps your 50 IQ tenfold in more ways than one... By the way, keep track of your drool to mouth ratio. We wouldn't want your keyboard to short circuit and lose the chance to read some more of your whack words of enlightenment... So you deserve some major props right off hand.

So lets start at the beginning of your clusterfuck. Online stalking? Lets take a quick 101 of Common Sense, seeing as you've gotten the short end of the disadvantaged stick.

Now the point of stalking, I would assume, is that you want to be nosy/a perv/a creep/bored and are willing to go out of your way to do so, but don't want to be caught - thus the element of secrecy. Heres where common sense part makes its appearance... Its not so much stalking if all the person had to do was use a ready resource, made very apparent to anyone on the site - I'll go so far as to say the resource even encourages its use, took a couple taps on the keyboard in the search bar (A search INTENDED TO FIND PEOPLE) and a with a click of their mouse, revealed themselves to you. Moves of a stalker? No, I'm afraid not today sir.

Now, upon revealing themselves to you, they extended a token of friendship. Obviously not an intended threat since you could easily deny it and move on with your life, no skin off your back. Right? Nope, of course not because you're FreakShow and FreakShow don't roll like that, yo. You go and contact Person X's spouse. A spouse which used to date you... ten plus some odd years ago. Its probably safe to say that said Ex forgot you were wasting good air - I've seen your picture, I know I would set up a mental block of your existence if I were your Ex, but I'll save that for later.

So it makes all the sense in the world to go straight to your Ex and bitch about how fucking horrible it was that Person X extended the hand of e-friendship to you. Then to top it off, you dashed in a half baked apology that would of been more sincere written on a used Crack needle. Because OBVIOUSLY your Ex was just going to be awoken to the error of their ways and leave behind a loving family, an amazing spouse, and a good job to rush back into your cheating arms. Yeah, and Hitler really did care about the Jews... He was just showing them tough love.

PS- If you're just writing to someone and not even expecting, nor apparently wanting, a dialogue... What's the point of writing in the first place? If you're expecting failure by your last ditch effort at communication via guilt trip... Why would you waste the ten minutes it took you to compose that monologue of whack, when you could easily assume that person wouldn't be interested in reading it if they wouldn't even bother to write back. I guess your desire for a 'K.' response just filled your head with unbreakable dreams, huh?

Not only that, but to continue talking after you got a 'K.'? I'll admit you didn't get a complete cold shoulder, but you definitely got a bitchy e-frost bite. 'Okay' isn't a hard word to type out, nor is 'OK' or 'Kay'... 'K' is like the international shortening of 'I really don't give a fuck. Glad you wasted your time talking to me.' To write back to that is salting your own wounds, but then again FreakShow never gives up, do you champ?

But not only did you write back, you signed a for a package from the BURN Express. You got your reply but you couldn't leave it at that, could you FreakShow. No sir, your dignity was at stake now. You decided to take the highroad and write a hate blog bashing Person X and Ex along with everything that falls beneath them. But you kept it clean, because all you did was throw out far fetched lies and painted your words with bitter jealously. Yes, it truly is your birthday. Go you.

And to put the icing on the cake, you just got owned again. Not only that, but you stalked yourself. Only this time, it actually was stalking, minus the sneaky part because that involves being clever. And you just baited your own trap, again HIGH-FIVE! No bet would be placed in your favor when you stepped into the ring.

And something that really pisses me off, is when the kettle tries to call the pot black. Though in this case, the pot was actually white. See, you can't call someone on their appearance when you look like the poster kid for Intervention: I was a drug addict. Besides the fact that it just makes you look jealous, its ridiculous. You're not gracing any glossy magazine covers FreakShow. Not unless its a medical journal focusing on deformities of body and soul.

And I'm going to leave it at that, because I rid myself of you. Even though we've never spoken and never will, I wash my hands of your scumminess. Even though I ragged on you not being mature, you killed my dreams. So while I'm still young, I'm going to get it out of my system and move on and grow. Something you and countless other 'adults' seem incapable of. You're the source of all roadblocks in growth and development for a better future.

Peace,

Me

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