So, my friend and I were having an intense conversation regarding funerals. Now...folks, I'm not much of a debating person. I really just soak in everyone's ideas and adapt my own opinion and most of the time I keep it to myself. But funerals and death is a delicate subject for me, so, I added my two cents. Normally this isn't an issue, especially with this specific friend, she loves to debate. For the quick 411, I have lost my Grandma to Alzheimer's and I lost a friend to leukemia, so I have had my fair share of funerals. Although I know many are more to come.
Anyways, somehow the topic came up about how I went out to dinner after my friends funeral, and I was able to get my mind off of things, I was really distraught that day. Obviously. And for my Grandma's funeral we had the dinner in the lobby of the church afterwards for all of those who had attended.
My friend, literally flipped out at me going off on a rampage about how "YOU SHOULDNT DO THAT! I don't understand why that is a tradition. I believe that you should not doing anything you do on a normal day...at all."
So I say, how does that pertain to food? You need food....
Her rebuttal was that you should at least give that person your entire day and not do anything you do in a normal day. Hence the reason why due to one funeral she didn't even use the bathroom.
I'm somewhat appalled,
1. Not to sound morbid or disrespectful because I am far from that, but come on...girl they are gone. They can't eat anymore, so don't feel guilty for eating in front of them!!! Seriously, I mean...they wouldn't want you to starve.
2. I took it as an insult. Just because I don't refrain from eating, or using the bathroom for god sakes does not mean that I am not in mourning. That does not mean I don't care as much as everyone else that someone I love just died. I eat because my body needs food to live on, I do not eat to celebrate that person is dead, and I do not eat to act as if it is any other day. Because I know it is not. She strongly implied, and even said that I do not truly mourn then. The pain is just the same. The heartache is still just as unbearable, but I'm able to control my stomach muscles and eat, because I know I would pass out if I didn't. I still hurt, and it is still "their day" if that is what you call it. But I still mourn regardless.
So, basically, I just want to hear everyone else's thoughts on this.
And I'm sorry if there are any typo's, I'm usually pretty anal about that but I'm currently at work and I unable to check it again. ha.
Alright. thanks for taking the time to read this.
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Around here when someone passes away everyone brings food to one central location so family and friends don't have to cook or anything and can focus on being together. And they bring boatloads of it.
The family member may be gone and life may suck for a while, but it still must go one. And life going on means eating, whether you really feel like it or not. And in true Southern fashion, food and funerals seem to be the two things that bring everyone together. Everyone cries over a bowl of beans and cornbread and reminisces over pie and coffee.
Those that have passed on probably wouldn't have been offended over it. Indeed, they probably took part in the same tradition at some point or another. Goddess knows, my grandfather likely would have come back to haunt us had we not all gotten together and cuddled the babies and sat at the same table and swapped memories and future plans the day of his funeral. That's always been what my family does. Had we not done it, he'd have been more offended.
But, everyone reacts differently. Your friend shouldn't disparage what you do and vice versa.
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Soar high and laugh on the wind
~Fallon~
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them."- Thoreau
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Rest in peace
yourfuneralguy
http://www.yourfuneralguy.com
I am a funeral director eaten some good meals in church lobbies.
Anyway you should not worry, you should have seen the expression on peoples faces when I told them I became a funeral director.
On the serious side forgive your friend and let her off. Most people have a helluva time thinking about death, an even harder time talking about it.
R.I.P:Your Funeral Guy.