Are you still a virgin?
If not:
Why did you choose not to be? Were you proving a point? Are you in love? Did you feel trapped? Did he pressure you? Were you drunk?
If yes:
Are you a virgin by choice? Have you not found the right person? Are you saving yourself for marriage? Have you not had the opportunity?
I once read that there are four types of people: The first are not virgins, the second are virgins who chose to be virgins, the third are not socially inept, and the fourth belong in the third but are currently in denial.
I am not sure that this description is good enough. It will get you a laugh, but there is so much more involved. For some the decision is simple. For them it is only sex. For others the decision is dire. They will not give up their virginity because it is sacred.
How do you classify yourself, if you do at all?
I am a virgin because I choose to be a virgin. I believe sex is something only meant for marriage, and I want to wait to share that with my future husband.
There are so very few "virgins by choice" in this day and age where there is a major misconception that love=sex. I am also a virgin because I choose to be a virgin. I want to save myself for my husband and my husband alone. Sex is a beautiful thing because God created it, but it can be ugly when used in a way God did not design it to be. I choose to wait because I want to enjoy sex in the very best way!
Bekka Joy
I am a virgin both by circumstance and choice. I am considered good looking in my country, I have good social skills but I felt that my ex-boyfriends are not worth having sex with that's why I am still a virgin . I had lots of opportunities for sex but I chose not too-because my circumstance doesn't seem to show me a "worthy" man to have sex with. A "worthy" man is someone who doesn't have sex just because there is an opportunity. He has standards. He is picky. Because I am picky. I am saving myself for the best man. A man who doesn't easily get tempted or pressured.
I believe in God. But I wouldn't classify myself as very "religious". I believe that moral standards are not only within the confines of religion. In fact, I worked in the feminist movement for two years, and admire the writings of the Atheist, Ayn Rand.
If for no other reason, God demands my body be saved for one person. For some of you, that is laughable, so try this on. The things we are told to do in the Bible are for our good. When it comes to sex, this also holds true. Some people in my church have done that- in things as small as kissing to the big one- and now, with the one they wish to spend the rest of their life with, they find themselves wondering, "Does he kiss as well?," "Can he do it that way?." They compare what they have with what they had. When I kiss my husband, I want to think about him, and I want him to think about me. Like my parents think of each other, and each others' bodies- get it?
To end with, I am not some Payless shoe you buy for one purpose and throw out in a few months. I am a suit specially made to perfectly fit one person, made of tough fibers to withstand years of what life throws at me, and still look ready for that special evening out.
I love all of your interesting analogies.
But I have to ask. Is the only reason you are not having sex because god says so?
I think that people need to open their eyes a bit wider.
Being a virgin is a good thing and your intentions are pure but other things need consideration. Such as: a growing rise in STD's and unplanned pregnancy.
Consider your future, and not just the one on your honeymoon. Before you get into bed with some guy do not just think about what your priest said on sunday, remember that you have a life ahead of you and what you are risking.
I am doing it because God said so.
He tells us to do things for a reason. Your parents do not just lay down rules for fun and neither does God.
It turns out that I actaully understand some of the reasons for this rule (STDs and the like), but I do not understand others of His rules. Before science came this far, we did not know all the damage promiscuity does. That did not change the fact that God was protecting His people with that command.
It should be taken into consideration that the reason for std's and unplanned pregnancy is because sex is not meant to be enjoyed outside of marriage. God is the one who designed sex, so He gets to be the one to determine when it should be enjoyed. God is the One who says it, so that is good enough for me.
There are consequences when we do things that are not in accordance with God's will. Thank goodness though that God's grace and love covers over our sins and makes us pure once again. The consequences may never go away, but then neither does God's love!!!
Bekka Joy
You can still have an unplanned pregnancy if you're married. And even if you do wait until you're married to have sex, you can still get an STD if you're partner has already had sex. A friend of my family waited until she was married to have sex and caught HPV from her husband. A few years into her marriage she was diagnosed with cervical cancer.
Now if God created STD's because you shouldn't have sex outside of marriage, why should my family's friend be punished with cancer, when she abided by God's wishes? And for that matter, why would God create STD's that can be transmitted by means other than sex that aren't considered immoral? It's possible to contract HIV from giving first aid to a victim of an accident, if you too have an open wound. Why would God punish someone with HIV for helping save another's life?
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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i am a virgin because i chose to be one and i do believe that sex causes too much problems in a relationship and if the guy respects you enough he will understand. yes i do want to only have sex with my husband and only my husband. there is no point to have sex before marriage. There are no positives from it and usually you are not really mature enough to do that kind of thing until you are ready for the commitments like marriage. Sex can ruin you life especially being a girl. i do not want to get pregnaut i dont even want kids. i have my future infront of me. i also do not want an STD personally I wont even date someone who has one. i kno it sucks but its just gross
~ <3 Breanne <3 ~
I agree. Also, pregnancy and STDs happen to married people as well. It seems like there's this fairy tale idea that married people don't get pregnant or catch STDs. It's wrong.
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So if God only wants you to have sex with one person, what happens if you get widowed? Are you supposed to not get remarried?
If you are allowed to get remarried, won't you, according to you logic, feel used by your first husband and spend all your time comparing the sex skills of your second husband to those of your first?
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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i dont believe in god so that part doesnt bother me and im not waiting because i believe in god. and the only reasons i would divorce is if he hits me or molests my children or something. it is ridiculous how many people get divorced now adays but that is another topic.
~ <3 Breanne <3 ~
My comment was in response to constance's comment about why she's a virgin.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
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YOU might only get divorced for those reasons, but your husband may want a divorce for others. It only takes one person to file for divorce.
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I am not a virgin. I choose not to be. I am in a commited realationship though. But I lost my virginity in college. It didn't seem to matter at the time. I grew up thinking it was important but guys really don't care. I guess unless you get something from someone else. I wish I could have had a wedding night and been old fashioned. I think it would have made me feel good, but thats not going to happen. I don't think I'll get to marry because I'm on disabilty and we can't afford the house payment without my aid. Oh, well if it happens I'll just pretend. God is supposed to be forgiving...:)
~Maybee Sinclair~
GO ME----Plant A TREE !!!!!
I'm still a virgin, but if circumstances had been a little different, I would have likely lost my virginity (by choice) by the end high school, or shortly thereafter. As it is, I'm waiting for that special someone, and will give myself to him completely, whether we are married or not.
~C
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i am in love
i am in a committed relationship.
though people so state that i am stupid i feel i am slighly and old fashioned person living in a modern world.
i belive in the dating to find the right person. not dating just to screw.
i have only had one person and i decided to give myself to that person when the time was right. i was engaged to this person before we made the commitment of sex. we didnt enter the decision lightly but i knew if i could commit myself to this person to marry them and they are committing themselves to me enough to marry me. and annouce to the family this committment then i could give my whole self to them and they could give thier whole selves to me.
i feel waiting until marrage is a religious choice not a personal choice. so those of you who decide to sustain from sex until mariage then kudos to you.
i feel it's a personal choice not one society makes for you
<3 Valerie Kay<3
I have chosen to remain a virgin for many reasons. The main one being that it is the one thing that is truly mine. The one thing that no one can just grab and steal it without my consent (I know.. there's rape, but that's besides the point). I believe that when I do lose it, which may not necessarily be marriage, it will be with someone special. I hope that whomever I lose it to is the one I will spend with the rest of my life. I see all of these girls that I go to school with act like trash. And it makes me sad when they do that because they weren't raised that way. Anyways, I just wanted to say that it's by choice that I remain abstinent. I don't think having sex makes you cool or mature. Making the decision not to have sex makes you mature.
I'm sorry, but I was really upset by this statement and I have to comment on it.
"The one thing that no one can just grab and steal it without my consent" It is actually quite easy for a male to steal a girl's virginaty. It is the one thing that is most likely to be stolen from you! Specially if you think that way! If you keep thinking "it wont happen to me", think again, it very possible could happen to you!!! It can happen to the best of us and the worst of us.
It makes me sick that you can just say that rape is besides the point. Its like having your car stolen and finding it the next day, crushed and unfixable! Then when the cops do the police report you are just gonna say "It was stolen, but thats besides the point." If it wasn't stolen, it wouldnt be distroyed!
"I see all of these girls that I go to school with act like trash" Have you ever thought of that these girls act like trash for a reason? If they weren't raised that way, then what made them end up that way? The girls that "act like trash" now are proble the girls that don't care anymore cause they hurt so much from their past and when they did care.
I don't mean to be rude. But your comment really stepped on my toes and I think that you should have a little bight more thought about the world that you live in, along with the people that live in it with you.
This argument was a little bit interesting for me to stumble upon.
I actually has this discussion with a few people. I was raped without previously having intercourse. Now, some people would say that I "lost" my virginity. But then some of my friends argued that I was still a virgin because I didn't "give" it away. It was an interesting discussion to say the least, but it's not really worth getting offended over.
you cant lose your v-card by force. i strongly believe if you are raped you still have you virginity because you did not give it up willingly.
~ <3 Breanne <3 ~
Actually, the hymen is still ruptured regardless of whether or not you chose it to be. You might emotionally be a virgin, but you physically would not be.
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A ruptured hymen is a horrible way to define virginity, because it can be ruptured in many different, completely non-sexual ways. A ruptured hymen also means nothing in reference to a man's virginity, and we should not be only focused on women here.
~C
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virginity is more than a stretch of skin and sex in generaly should be thought of more highly.
Sex should be incredible and full of love. There is a difference in rape and the act of making love.
if your first act of sex is not by choice it is unbelievably unfortunate, but this should not affect how you view love or sex or men (women for others).
At one point, I chose to be (for religious reasons). Now it is just a matter of circumstance. Now I'm simply waiting for the time to come when I lose it. Whether that be in a loving relationship or a FWB. As long as I consent to it and am comfortable, it really is not that big of an issue for me (well it is, but the way it happens is not, so long as the variables mentioned are present).
Should there not be a fifth category? I am not a virgin, but it was not by choice, and I was not drunk. Some lose their virginity because of force and they are not granted the right of making the choice to either gaurd or unleash their "v-card." After the fact, a therapist told me that I was still a virgin because I had only had the physical experience and not the emotional experience/climax. If people ask me, I say 'no I'm not a virgin', but whenever my boyfriend and I began having sex, I will think of that as my 'first time' from then on....
Eh, I'm probably making no sense. xp
that this happened to ya. And yes, there should be a fifth category. ^_^
i know what you mean. Some people do not choose to lose their virginity, sometimes it can be taken. Rape is one of the ways someone can take it from you. I was just thinking because I know someone who was raped. Sure the cherry was popped, but they had no say in it.
I choose to be a virgin because it's what God would want. I've have many chances to not be. Sex can be got almost anywhere for free without "hiring" someone. I hope to marry one day and would hope the woman I marry also waited. it's as simple as that.
Dan Galpin
No offense or anything, but finding a woman that's a virgin at 40 is going to be nearly impossible. There aren't many women that haven't been married yet at 40. You're much more likely to find a woman who has already been divorced, unless you go to women that are 10-20 years younger than you.
~C
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I did not say I must marry a virgin, I said I'd like to. Age is not that important to me: older / younger, character is. If I don't get married or don't marry a virgin, my life is not over. You did mention one thing about the odds of finding a woman who is a virgin at 40 (nearly impossible); I say it's even more impossible to find a guy who is a virgin at 40, right? While in October of this year, you'll know one, me. The seemingly impossible, is possible! To coin a phase, "it's all good." I wish you a blessed day and again, I was not offended.
Dan Galpin
I'm glad you didn't take offense. That's fair, and you're right. I only speak from experience... my mother had been married twice and had 4 children by the time she was 40. I wish you luck :-)
~C
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I'm a virgin, by combination of choice and circumstance. I was molested at the age of three, and again at thirteen, and because of these events I refuse to get close enough to anyone for it to happen again. My greatest fear is getting raped, and I do everything I can to prevent it.
I'm sorry that happened to you Meaghan, that shouldn't happen to anybody, ever. The sad thing is that it does, and it happens more often then we realize. I just stumbled on this blog and got intrigued by the conversation and some of the interesting posts. I was alarmed at how many of you girls said you had been raped at some point in time in your lives. It is really eye-opening to see pictures and names with the "statistics" I hear all the time on the news or in my classes. A lot of people do think that it can't happen to them and we all need to be advocates for punishing criminals seriously for these heinous crimes they commit.
virgin because 1. im too young and 2. because there are a lot of ooky boys out there who only have their minds on 1 thing
I used to think sex was something casual.
but as i have become more and more religious over the past few years, i have come to realize that sex is to be shared with the one person you love.
i dont nesseciarly think it is to be saved for marriage, but definately for the person you love.
http://www.progressiveu.org/181343-who-are-you-yelling-at
i choose to be a virgin. i know i'd regret having sex with any other person but my future spouse.
I'm a virgin because I refuse to be part of the "high school" relationship mentality where we fuck and don't care who we fuck or the consequenses. Being a virgin isn't sacred to me, I just haven't dated someone long enough for me to to love them enough to have sex with them..
I choose to be a virgin for many reasons. One of them being I don't want to become a statistic or be swept up in the sex saturated society. I am still in high school and feel used very rarely after not doing anything particularly terrible or out of the "norm." I plan on staying a virgin through college as well although most people doubt it will happen. I also don't want to make the same mistake my sister made and the right person turn out to be the wrong person. I just want to keep my options open and make sure the first time is as good as it can be for being the first time.
I lost my virginity at 18. When I was younger I decided I would wait until I was legally able to make my own decisions. My parents, my religion, my whatevers didn't make this choice for me, I did. However, after I turned 18, I got laid as soon as I had the chance. I wasn't in love. It wasn't even remotely satisfying, but I got laid. The following four years of relative promiscuity, however, have been much more pleasurable (except for one or two instances, but I won't talk about that now).
That's my story. Every woman has her own story, and her own reasons for engaging in or not engaging in sex (and yes, princess, anal counts). All those reasons are valid, no matter what anyone else tells you. It's your body, and therefore it is your choice (pro-choice isn't just about being able to choose what to do after unwanted consequences of sex occur). The same thing goes for guys, even though the virginity stigma goes the other way for them.
Your body is a vessel for the divine, do with it whatever you feel expresses that to its fullest. Just do it well and with love for yourself. Never punnish yourself for being sexual (never punnish your partner by withholding sex, that's just gonna ruin your relationship).
This last part is for the virgins: you will never regret not having sex.
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If I had had more time I would have written less. -- Thomas Jefferson
RachelSetzer.com
If you are sexually active, for god's sake get on the pill. Seriously.
PlannedParenthood.org can tell you where your closest Planned Parenthood clinic is, and they can set you up for free birth control for a year if you qualify.
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If I had had more time I would have written less. -- Thomas Jefferson
RachelSetzer.com
I am a virgin because I want to be. It is not in the belief that God said so. Well first off it is because I am a buddhist therefore contrasting with that belief. But truthfully, it is not my parents or anyone's power to stop whether I am a virgin or not. It is the essence of free will. But I do chose to be a virgin, because I feel that I am too young to be impacted to such a mature action. In addition, even being safe, pregnancy can occur. I don't feel that I am grown-up enough to take responsibility or someone else at the same time. I cannot guarentee that I will continue till I am married, but I know that my actions will affect the rest of my life. Why do it now? When I know that my life is still being a kid and I am not ready to watch after another kid in more than just sibling relation.
When I lost my virginity I was confused as to what happened. The boy didn't discuss it with me, one moment we were kissing, the next my skirt was over my head and I was left going...wtf mate? It wasn't force, but I still feel like I was robbed...the bastard!
Pray for Peace
-Crissy
That could still be considered rape.
i was raped when i was younger, for a long time i felt disillusioned and broken. i worried about what i would say - what i would feel when i did have sex by choice. i thought it was stolen from me.... i glad i was wrong. :D i found someone i love dearly - and i dont regret my decision at all..
no one can take away your first time when you're really in love.
I think I want to save myself for marraige, but I have also never found the right person. I would never ever have sex with somene who I was not in love with. I want to say that I would wait until I was married, but I have thought I was in love before and considered having sex. Being wiser now, I would have to KNOW that this person was the one I was spending the rest of my life with if I had sex before I was married. So I'd be engaged I guess?
That's a good idea.
I'm not a virgin, I didn't have to prove anything, it was my idea and most of the people I've been with I wasn't dated or even loved. I wanted to be good when I got to someone I really cared about and the first person I was with, I'm glad I lost my virginity to that guy. He's one of my best friends and nothing is weird between us. I've always pressured the guys and what not, but I'm still really scared about having multiple partners because of STD's. I'm glad I didn't wait, I've had good experiences and I'm ready to settle down with one person and just one person and I don't have to wonder about anything or ruin a marriage being curious.
I'm a virgin , and I'm saving myself for marriage. As a virgin, I can always get what the non-virgins have if I choose to. However, as a non-virgin, you can never ever experience what a virgin experiences on her wedding night with the man he or she truly loves. There will always be past sexual experiences that will surface in your mind whenever non-virgins have sex in the future, even if it is with the one they truly love. You can try to keep the thoughts out, but they will resurface.
See you can't talk from a non virgins point of view since you haven't gone there. Those thoughts never occurred to me. The same thing is felt by a non virgin on her wedding night, it doesn't change how you feel having multiple partners or not. It still doesn't change the love between the two, having sex with someone you love vs someone you don't feels totally different! It could be the exact same thing but if its with someone you love it feels different. The thoughts never surfaced or re-surfaced for me so you can't speak like you know that since you don't.
werd
I don't mean any offense by saying this, but I think the question is meaningless unless the person asking the questions defines "virgin." A lot of people would say that it means "someone who hasn't had sex." So what is "sex?" Can one person have sex with someone without that person having sex with him back? (Bill Clinton thought so.) Someone told me once hat she lost her "virginity" by riding a horse that that made her fall too hard when it jumped. Another friend of mine decided with his girlfriend that they would still be "virgins" if they had intercourse with particular conditions.
I, myself, am surely a virgin according to the criteria that some people who've answered "yes" were using but I am not a virgin according to the criteria that some other people probably used to answer "no."
I expect people would think my commentary is nonsense, but I think they would be surprised how many people answer "no" who have the same sexual experience as others who answer "yes."
In my opinion, a virgin is someone who has never consented to penis-vagina intercourse. Therefore, if you were raped, you're a virgin in my eyes.
I don't need drugs - I have genetics.
Sorry, but I found this amusing. I enjoyed your comment, coming from a unique perspective. I would say that to be fair we'd have to call virginity both oral, anal, and vaginal sex. Otherwise, you're really cheating, and also leaving out a significant portion of people with an alternate sexual persuasion. Shouldn't everyone be allowed to lose their virginity? Lol.
I am not a virgin, and I choose not to be. I lost my virginity (in the traditional sense of the word) at 19 to a man that I am still in a relationship with. We have been together for over 2 years. Someday I would like to marry this man, if his grad school and my post-undergraduate plans work out.
I would not have sex with someone I didn't feel as though I was in love with. My first experience with oral (I'll try not to get graphic) was with a boyfriend my senior year of high school who I thought I loved. I know now that it was just lust.
I certainly don't regret having sex with my current boyfriend. As for God, I believe in Him and I also believe that there are far worse things that I could be doing than having sex within my committed relationship.
When people give up their virginity they always try to act like it doesn't matter. They think they're fine until maybe even years later they hate themselves for it. You should definitely wait because even if you don't regret it at first you probably will a while later. Be safe, just wait until you are married with the one person you love and want to be with forever. It should be something special that you wait for because it IS something special. Don't take the risk of regretting it. Just wait
You could regret it even if you did wait. My dad cheated on my mom... I can't imagine she felt that marrying him was a good idea after that...
~C
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but it is not your place to decide how someone will feel years after having sexual intercourse.
I find your statement to be rather rude. You cannot speak for me or anyone else. Most people that I know do not regret or hate themselves for this particular action. In fact they tend to be a lot happier than some who have waited.
It is there decision.
I think people make far too big of a deal out of sex and virginity. It is not a moral issue—sex doesn’t hurt anyone. I think it is something that should wait until someone is mature enough to handle it, be beyond that, I think that if someone feels it is right for them, it is, and it is no one else’s business. I don’t think its necessary to wait for marriage, because what is marriage? A piece of paper? And what is sex more than an elaborate hand shake?
I think I'd have to disagree with you when you say:
"For some the decision is simple. For them it is only sex"
I may be taking this the wrong way, but for everyone who is not a virgin, sex is not JUST sex.
sure, yes, for some people, sex means nothing, and they will just have it with whoever and whenever.
but for others, sex is still a big deal, even if they are not a virgin.
I was a virgin by choice for a long time. There were plenty of times when i could have had sex but I always wanted to wait until the time was right.
Not necasarily wait until marriage, but just wait until I found someone that I knew I would not regret having sex with. Sure, at some point, me and my boyfriend may break up, but when we had sex, it meant a lot to me and it meant a lot to him. So i know that I will not regret it.
I think it's unfair to categorize people who have had sex all together in one group as people who just don't care about sex.
my decision to lose my virginity was totally mine and i had nothing to prove. And yes, losing my virginity was a dire decision for me, but I don't regret it.
That was her point, I believe. To some, they could less about sex. Not everyone feels that way, but some do... even you say that. She's not categorizing everyone who's had sex in one category... she's classifying everyone who doesn't care about sex into one category.
~C
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I am not a virgin. I haven't been for a very long time. I guess I'm just Hedonistic....
I'm a virgin by choice. I don't do it for religious purposes, but I'm waiting for a great guy I'm madly in love with to lose my virginity. It's hard to find guys though that will wait when I'm ready. It seems like guys want to rush into it. It makes me lose faith in finding a great guy. I don't think I could wait till I'm married because I'd have to be in love before I marry someone and by that time I could be ready. But then again it's all in the future. I hope I'm still in my 20's when I finally have sex though.