Where do you go when you've become the person that you never wanted to become, and you feel like it's too late to change? That is exactly where I am at this point and I realized it last night. I am not the person I have ever wanted to be, I am pretty much everything I wish I wasn't. I do things that I hate so much and I hate the way I act all of the time. Especially the way I've been acting with my boyfriend. It just seems so unfair to me the way that I have been acting. He knows this isn't me, because I've been acting like this before, and I've been doing it for months now. Is it even possible to change into the person you want to me? I don't even know where to begin. Can anyone help me? I could really use some how. I wish I could figure out to change how I am and become the person I want to be. I think the reason why it's so hard for me to change is because about a yr ago, I had to change the person I was then so I could get away from a person that was hurting me really bad. I had to change competly to get to the point where I didn't hurt anymore, and now it's just really hard. At this point I don't know where to turn. What I don't like about me now is that I am really impatient, I ask a lot of question, I complain a lot, I always act like I think he is lying even though I know he's never lied to me before...the list can go on and on. But them are a few of the things I wish I could change. I want my relationship with him to be how it used to be like 5 months ago. I am still so in love with him, but I feel like we don't make each other as happy as we should. Where could I have went so wrong that I've let myself become what I never wanted to be..What do I do..I really need to know. I feel like I am breaking my own heart by being this way..I can't stop this. What could I possibly do, I am so tired of being sad everyday, it just doesn't seem fair.
I've become what I hate.
By reneex061 - Posted on December 16th, 2007
Tagged: changes
• hatred
• lack of
• loss of love
• sadness
• self over
• self worth
• self-esteem
• self-image
I am goin through the same exact change! Especially with my boyfriend. I have been so mean to him and everyone else. It really drives people loco! I thought that I was goin crazy but now I know that I am not the only one in this situtaion! This is truely a small world. I may not be much help but I feel your pain. Keep your head up.
~*~*Shonda Marie*~*~
i can relate, of course. i'm not sure how to help because i'm in need of some desperate change. i've just lost the guy i love over me being a clingy bitch and comming off as annoying. but it comes along with the territory of being a "social butterfly/hyper". it's really coming down to forcing yourself to count to at least 2 before you speak. as in "thinking" before you speak. making sure what you say is just EXACTLY what you mean to say and making sure that you're not telling secrets or lying. guess that's crappy advice, but it's all i could think of. especially since i'm goin through the same thing, maybe you could give me some advice after you get some, lol. good luck.
-velvet
Think about the type of person who would have a wonderful relationship with your boyfriend. How would he or she react to him What would that person say to him when he walks in the door and would he or she be smiling or frowning What kind of questions would that person ask him ....Maybe, for example, you`ll decide to greet him with a smile and a hug and then after he sits down ask if he`d like a glass of red or white wine, then clink his glass and kiss his forehead, ask him how his day was and show interest in his answers, etc., etc.
Do those things that that dream person would do, and let those things trump whatever you might otherwise be tempted to say or do. If you`re tempted to say ``Why did you go out with a wrinkled shirt on, you look terrible`` then ask yourself what that person you want to be would say. It might look more like a smile, and `You look so great in your shirts when they`re pressed, can I iron them for you tonight``
If you`re tempted to say, ``Do you have to put your dirty socks on the floor`` you might decide that that person who would have a great relationship with him wouldn`t think that`s a big deal. Then you just say to yourself, `Oh, well, i`ll just throw the socks in the hamper.``
If you do this without fail, then by `pretending` to be the person you want to be, you will be that person. You can`t guarantee if HE will be the person you want HIM to be, but you can only control your own actions. What you are perceived as, really, is largely just the sum total of how you portray yourself to others, and you can change a lot of that if you choose.
I would add though, that if you have a periodical chemical imbalances due to something like bipolar disorder or PMS, you may need to see a professional to resolve it totally. It`s probably a good idea to see a therapist in any case, so you can better assess yourself and progress.
Good luck, and don`t get too discouraged.
If you realize your mistakes, and if you truly want to change, you will. You do not need advice from me or anyone else. You control what you do.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." -F.N.
sometimes the best advice you can get is from a simple reflection. we've all been there i know I have. There are times when I just wonder where life is taking me. I just lay back and think about what exactly I hate about myself and try to correct it in some way
Been there - done that. I agree with Greg regarding the professional help; it can't hurt to talk to someone who has experience helping others thru difficult feelings. For me it's hard to sit back and silently allow others to do things I think are wrong. I found a good (counselor) friend to discuss problems with at my church. Obviously, if you really want to be a loving, gentle person then you have to intentionally do loving gentle things. Take time each morning to plan a gentle loving action for that day. Maybe it could be a sentence you speak or an issue you forgive and ignore. If you have a raging spirit that needs to "kick ass" now and then - it's best if you apply it constructively rather than destructively. Some folks hold signs and scream political slogans, some punch bags in a gym, some swim laps, and some unload on easy targets like kids or spouses. Take the high road and direct your laser blasts at something that makes the world a better place, you'll love what you did each day.
Don't change; evolve.