Childhood daydreams never looked like this. Never once in a daydream was I covered in clay, dusting out my car windows on the 15 North on my way home from working way too hard for too little pay. I never loved a man who held his heart out to someone else. Never in my 5-year old imagination did financing a car, a $60,000 per year education, rent, groceries and air conditioning (good god it's 96 outside in April!) ever become part of what I dreamed I would be when I grew up. Suddenly I find myself 20 years old and stuck in a life that, on days like today, make me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry until I wake up and I'm 5 again and all my dreams were real possibilities instead of foolish notions. I don't like the feeling of lost innocence.
6 months ago- even last week- I was positive that I would change the world. But not today. Today I'm a foolish girl in love with a man she can't have, with a job she loves but hates, with bills and responsibilities and realizations that have completely turned her world upside down. Somehow everything seems grayer despite the sunshine blazing through my windows.
I still don't have any furniture. Too big of a commitment.
I woke up this morning jaded. This isn't where I want my life to be. I keep telling myself it's only temporary- that in the fall I'm headed off to Boston with at least one of my childhood dreams still in tact- but today it's just not enough. Today I feel that I'll be stuck in this rut forever. So for today I will curl up on my roommate's couch in the fetal position, notebook and pen in hand and write until I'm 5 again and all my dreams are real possibilities.
Maybe tomorrow I'll change the world.
Dont give up on your dreams. Even at it's lowest point, life is much better if your not in the fetal position. I know it's overwhelming but you need to change what you are doing. Anymore effort seems unbearable but it is. Remember their are people working harder than you just putting food onto the cardboard box they call their table. Your not alone either. I want so bad to just give up but that is unacceptable. You will make it and you'll do things beyond your wildest dreams if you just try and dont give up.
Life didn't turn out how I wanted it to be either. But you have to keep hoping. Road blocks may come up trying to test your capablity to keep going. Realise all your hard work will pay off. Don't let go of your dreams. I haven't.
I am here to inform and help:
http://www.progressiveu.org/032913-lupus-uncureable-wait-what
Love comments? I do too!
bad day. been there. totally. it sucks.
A friend of mine gave me the good idea of speaking positive things, convincing your mind to think positively. So whenever my job gets to me, I do what she does, I repeat out loud over and over again, "I like my job. It energizes me. It challenges me. I like my job." And so on, and so forth. Maybe your positive thinking won't be so much about your job, but about school and your dreams and desires. Plans change, that's for sure. Five years ago I never would have believed I'd be here, doing this. But I am, and I'm happy. Everything goes haywire, and I thought it was all coming crashing down, but I pushed through the b.s., and sorry for the pep-talk, but you will make it, kiddo. I promise. The twenty-somethings are not all that glamorous - I'm really only 23, and I gotta tell ya, movies are LIARS - but you'll figure yourself out. In the meantime, curl up in the fetal position for a little while, but remember to get back up. K? :)
And anyway, there's no way one person can change the world in a day without doing something horrific. It takes at least a week to do it the good way. :)
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/kariskoett
"All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else."
-Buddha
You are not foolish for being in love with someone you can't have. I was in love with someone for 4 years and yes I had him but we barely hanged out togehther so it felt that like we were not together . I remember when I had no furniture eitheir . A lot of times we want to go back to our childhood when things don't go right. But we must realize is that our childhood was back then and now we have something even better now. Anytime you have a bad day, try to end it on a good term because life is too short to be having bad days. Good blog.