Lesbian / Fat

I amnineteen years old. I've been heavy all of my life or over weight.It's been really hard for me to get thought life.I've been picked on in school for as long has I can remeber.I have a low r self esteem..I've move a lot in my life to not like out of state or anything I stayed in the same place.I've just been to alot of diffrent schools.I had to try to make friends and this has been very hard for me.I made a wonderful friend when I was in middle school my sixth grade year.We would do everything together.He played barbies and rode our bikes you know normal kid things.Then we where still friends like this in eighth grade.He played barbies little bit still but not a lot like we use too.I had wried and strage feelings toward my best friend.I've never felt towards anyone.I found out that I loved her more then a friend.I loved her like a lover and so much more.I had fallen in love with a girl this wasn't normal.This was all new for me but I loved the feeling.I let if sit for a few weeks but i found that the more I spent time with her the more I liked her.One day we where watching our favorite show in the world and messingwith our dolls.We where watching "buffy the Vampire Slayer",then the most wried thing happine I leaned down and kissed her all the feelings I was hiding came thought just like that..I was sure she would never talk to me again,so I pulled away and went to leave as he pulled my arm and told me she felt the same way but she was scare that I would freak out so he both found out how much we cared about each other in one day.Then some how after that we spent even more time together and we were going out and still our.But till this day we have to hide from everyone that we are because it's wronge and it's not right.I would die without her.She's the first person i've ever really loved and I can't share how happy I am because it's wronge and sick and gross.I wish you could love how you where and love the person you are but you can't it''s wornge.I love her and she loves me this should be all that matters to anyone.