A solution. Pretty simple. I'm left wondering why more people don't do it. It's 100% effective.
It's called abstinence.
Really, think about it. (I know, I use that phrase a lot. But when I use it, I really do mean it, I'm not just using it as one of those phrases you just use to use.)
Ok, let's start with STD's. Sexually Transmitted Diseases. If you don't have sex, you don't get them. (Blood transfusions & the like are an exception to this, but I will get to that later.) If you don't do the things that transfer them from one person to another, then it doesn't get transferred to you.
So you say, well what if I want to have sex with my husband/wife??
Here's the solution. You don't have sex until you're married, and you marry someone who hasn't had sex before, either. Neither of you have had the chance to get an STD, so you can't get it from the other one, and you can still have sex!
There's still more. There's less risk of an unwanted pregnancy (most of the time that happens to single moms, not married ones, although it isn't all of the time.)
EVEN MORE! A couple is more likely to stay together if they wait to have sex until after they are married. There are statistics that back this up, but even more important, a friend of mine is now going through relationshio troubles because of this. In short, she is living with this guy and has 2 year old twins with him, but now their relationship is getting strained and she's not sure if she should stay with him for the sake of the children or leave him for her sake. It's a mess.
Well, there's my solution. WAIT.
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You remind me of myself.
I would agree completely with you, but then you're assuming everyone wants to get married. Some people just are not that committed to having a relationship based on love. They prefer one based on lust.
Ok, so then if they prefer that... then they shouldn't complain about various problems/results later on.
Sincerely,
Ashleymarie Sey DeBondt
visit my art website Behind the Brush
or for my photographic work my deviantart page
When a person gets an STD or an unwanted pregnancy, no one is out saying "I was duped, complain complain I have an STD it's not fair". Generally, they keep it under wraps, correct it to the best of their ability, and go on with their lives. That's as relevant as saying "if people prefer to drive a car, they shouldn't complain when their car gets in an accident".
People that actually complain, are usually not the ones with the disease.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
People that actually complain, are usually not the ones with the disease.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
People that actually complain, are usually not the ones with the disease.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
Where do I even begin with this one? Here, I'll try and laundry list it to help.
a.) There's a lot of things you could avoid doing to not get hurt; driving a car, traveling, eating spicey food, wearing high heels, crossing a street, just to name a few. So, clearly if we want to avoid dying in a car accident or plane crash, or from food poisoning or if we want to avoid breaking an ankle or getting hit by a car, we shouldn't do any of those things because every one of them could have a negative outcome. So in turn, we should all just sit in our houses with the doors locked just to be safe. If you have safe sex and are smart, you probably don't have a high risk of getting an STD. I've slept with a lot of guys, and I don't have an STD. Lots of people have premarital sex and don't have STDS. It's called safe sex.
b.) Not everyone wants to wait until marriage. I for one didn't. And I don't regret my choice at all. I have always been safe and responsible and therefor was able to enjoy my body and my boyfriend's body. We are able to share that intimacy and love for each other, something I didn't want to wait until marriage to share. Not to mention when I am married I want to know how to have good sex, sex I want to spend the rest of my life doing. Two virgins for the rest of their lives = probably bad sex and a lot of awkward moments.
c.) I'd like to see the stats on the whole "people stay together longer". My mom and dad both had sex before their marriage (my dad was married before) and they were married for 27 years until his death. My sister and her husband have both have sex before they met each other and they are hands down one of the best couples I know. I have had sex with other people before and I don't think my marriage will go down the tubes. I actually think the opposite. The strain on their relationship is not from sex before marriage, it's from a whole shloo of other elements in their own relationship. Sex rarely causes stress in a relationship unless one party dosn't want to do it. No one breaks up because of "sex before marriage" ive never heard of that. Loads of couples choose not to wait and that's perfectly fine. If you are safe and responsible there is no reason you should force yourself to do something you don't want to do and not express how you feel with someone you care about, or hell, just to let off a little steam.
This is your solution to what exactly? The solution is to make a responsible choice that is right for you and if your choice is to have sex, be safe and smart about it. Why are you trying to make other people's choices for them? If you want to wait, cool, go for it, but don't expect others to want the same things you do.
This is her solution to cure this country from the most dangerous disease of all: unproductiveness.
But you forget, sex is completely productive. Again and again and again...
I LOVE TO BONE
Oh, yes. Sex is productive. That's why we use condoms.
Sex isn't all about procreation. There are a lot of other "productive" things that come from sex; intimacy, orgasm, fun, exercise, just to name a few.
So you've slept with a lot of guys? Hey, what's your number?
Just kidding... I just couldn't pass it up.
I've never heard of those stats I either but I wouldn't be surprised if it was true, but here me out:
1st, let's take her claim of the stat as true: A couple is more likely to stay together after they wait to have sex until after they get married. (And we'll avoid clearly defining what "stay together" and what "sex" is. We'll just say it is married and vaginal intercourse respectively).
Let's consider who "saves themselves." I would argue a big portion are the religious... That is, people who take religion seriously and don't want to "live in sin" so to speak. Surely, other people want to save themselves to avoid pregnancy and STDs and stuff... But I think that would be a small portion because avoiding pregnancy and STDs is actually pretty easy as you point out, Stefanie. Taking a drastic measure like abstinence for that reason is pretty foolish (in my opinion).
Wouldn't you think the religious people who postpone sex are more likely to postpone divorce? I think that is a very fair inference. Those that are religious enough to save themselves for marriage are religious enough to not have a divorce or, at minimum, postpone divorce as much as possible.
So, personally, I don't find that stat too shocking. In fact, I think it is to be expected if you put some thought into it.
I can think of a few examples of stats that are misleading if you don't really think about them... the divorce rate is one of them. Divorce is much higher now than they were in the 1950s. Makes sense since, back then, women pretty much did what they were told. (That's why we call them "the good ol' days." j/k). There are way more autistic people being born now than in the 1950s too. But, our definition of autism has changed over the years too.
-R
As the divorce rate in this country will clearly tell you, even those that are married don't think it's a bond strong enough to keep them together, regardless of children, etc. My husband and I lived together for 2 years before we were married and are actually very glad we did. Had we not, we probably would have strangled each other by now. What works for one does not always work for another.
And as was already pointed out, not everyone wants to get married or can legally be married.
I have to say, I share your same views. If you don't want to put yourself at risk for all that nasty stuff, take some responsibility for your actions and abstain. However, life can't just be black and white, abstaining versus total promiscuity. I just say make responsible choices and if something goes wrong, well take responsibility for you choices.
You can always just have your partner get tested and I don't know about you but I could not go for a lifetime without having sex. I can barley go two weeks. But I guess that is a personal preference.
I personally thing that sex is a very natural urge that should not be repressed and there are many ways to make sure that the bad side affects of sex do not happen to you while still being able to get the good side affects.
Word.
I guess if no one had sex it would help our problem with world overpopulation.
You're wondering why people don't abstain from sex before marriage. Here's you're answer to that... temptation. Plain and simple. Even virgins, who have never experienced the physical and emotional feelings involved with an intimate act... put in the situation, if they don't remove themselves from that situation and out of temptation, they're gonna fall head over heels into it. Guaranteed. Or a VAST majority of people will. Because it just feels too good.
I can remember when I was younger, with my first love... I could have refrained from sleeping with him, but I didn't. In the situation, a point came when I could have stopped, but let it go so far, and then I didn't want to stop because it felt too good. Even now, 14 years later, divorced (though me and my ex-husband lived together first) and in the throws of a relationship, it is EXTREMELY hard to not have sex. I know sex before marriage is wrong, according to the Bible, and I don't want to have sex without being married, but my God... it's hard not to. Truly.
For those people who don't want to have sex before marriage, abstinence alone won't help you, because you can refrain for only so long. I suggest not even attempting to be intimate. No kissing, no fondling, no nothing because eventually, your flesh will take over and that'll be the end of it. The key is to not even allow yourself to be put in an sexual situation... if you're not being tempted, then you won't have to fight it. Stay away from all aspects of it if you don't want to do it. THAT is the safest way to refrain from having sex before marriage. But lemme tell you... it ain't easy! God help you... and me!
Sounds like a very hard way to live life.
but you try because it's something you believe in. :)
Personally I am not a very religous person so maybe that is why I have a hard time understanding why people want to do this but is it because you want it to be really special your first time or just because you do not want to get pregnant or get any std's?
unwanted pregnancy/stds or my first time being special. As I was married before, I'm not a virgin now. But not wanting to have sex with people (for me) has everything to do with God not looking favorably on it. Fornication is a sin, and I'm trying not to sin. I don't always succeed(God help and forgive me), but my past failures won't keep me from trying still to be pleasing in the eyes of God. :)
Fornication is a sin???!!! God looks unfavourably upon it???!!!
How the fuck do you know what God thinks about fornication? Pull yourself together.
;)
Read the Bible.
Yeah, read the bible, you know, that book written 2000 years ago by only men, that has been translated so many times it's not even sure if the current translations are what the original writers intended...and you know,the one that bears "KING JAMES" version, because King James and Jesus were tight.
I have an inside tract too; it's called common knowledge and good judgement. People who have neither need religion to dictate their lives.
Unfortunately, Kimmy, there are a whole shitload of books written by men who claim they are down with God on a buddy basis. I don't know if naive is the right word to describe your blind belief in these scraps of text, no wait, naive is not the right word, gullible is the word I'm looking for. You may as well believe that Santa Claus frowns upon fornication, coz he knows whether you've been good or bad, so be gullible for goodness sake. I actually think it is arrogant beyond belief for you to try and tell me that God looks unfavourably upon fornication,like you or anybody else actually knows what God is, let alone whether or not God even cares about such petty human concerns. Your quaint religious organisations do not own exclusive rights to the concept of God, and it is offensive that you attempt to validate your backward human beliefs by using Gods name, or indeed by claiming any kind of divine significance in regard to human ideas and theories, all that represents is a cheap get out of jail card you can pull anytime common sense is employed in picking holes in your argument. When you ask a young child why they did something, you will often hear the reply "just because", when you ask a Church, they reply "it is Gods will", I see no difference in the sophistication of answer presented here.
"People who have neither need religion to dictate their lives."
So you generalize the entire Christian population? I have common sense and good judgement, thanks for assuming. Just because I believe the Bible is the guide to life doen't mean I'm stupid. That is simply my opinion. You obvioulsy have your own opinion, and I respect that. Too bad you don't do the same...
I persons right to have an opinion should be respected, that does not mean their opinion has to be respected.
I agree with you. But lust won't stop people from doing it. There are people out there in Africa and other continent that have no idea of how to protect themselves. Sex is needed for reproduction. Many people just want it for pleasure and leisure. It's their choice to make basically. I just wish they'd be more careful than they say they are.
I disagree. People are not going to stay abstinent. I mean if you want to have sex, go head, just be safe. Do not have so many one night stands that you do not remember who you were with, and when. Go to the doctor, have a regular check up,in case if you do get affected by anything, it will not be in the last stage, and can be prevented. It is that simple, people just need to be careful, and care about themselves enough to know what is going on with their body.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
Well said. Teaching kids abstinent only education will not solve anything, it will make things worse because when they finally do give in (and believe me, a lot of them will), they're not going to have a clue about actually protecting themselves from STDs or unwanted pregnancies. It's ridiculous to think that taking away birth control, condom, etc education is going to fix the problem in any way, shape or form. Society has moved on since the time abstinence only education worked... it's not that simple anymore.
WE need to teach kids more about safety and how to take care of themselves. For examples, regular check ups things like that.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
You asked how I knew what God thinks about fornication. I told you. You have every right to call me gullible or naïve or any other word you choose, that’s your opinion, and the fact of the matter is, I care not. I believe the way I believe, regardless of what you or anyone says about it. I know what God thinks because I read the Bible. Like that explanation or not, that’s just how it is.
My advice wasn’t for everyone… only for the ones who did not want to have sex before marriage. If you want to sex it up with 50,000 different people before you die and become the next Don Juan, well that’s you. Not everyone shares the same want for sex.
So before you start condemning my personal belief system, realize that you’re nothing more than criticizing my OPINION. Smart. Well done you.
People interpret the bible (any book really) different ways. They read the same thing, often, but interpret it differently.
I don't think anyone knows what God thinks. Unless, maybe they're the next messiah. Then, maybe.
But hey, I could be wrong. My neighbor could know what God thinks. (That actually would explain a number of things...)
-R
As my mother said: who really knows what they meant, it has been translated so many times, and so many ways, it seems the real meaning might have been lost.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
I agree 100% with you but the fact is that people our age don't want to be abstinent so all of this abstinence until marriage thing isn't going to work. I always thought that it would be better to influence young people not to uhmm...going inside each other when they uhh...yeah(to prevent young pregnancy) but to do anything else and embrace/kill all they want. That probably sounds silly but if we can somehow educate people on "having sex, without having sex sex", you know, I think we'd get somewhere.
I fear no man(Nazgul)...i'm no man(Eowyn) -LoTR
change the subject or anything, but... I just love LOTR!! :D
(-_-) Lol
I fear no man(Nazgul)...i'm no man(Eowyn) -LoTR
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