I Have Found the Cause of SIDS!!!( Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

The Cause of SIDS. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome)

Babies delivered in the early morning, at noon time, and in
the early evening are more likely to develop SIDS than babies born at other times. Doctor skipped a meal thinks what the hell,
I"ll just take a bite out of one of the legs, just a nibble.
He looks at the baby and thinks "well now i have to even up
the one" so he takes a bite out of the other leg. But the
bite is too big and he has to even out the previous side.
Before the doctor knows it the babies legs are missing.
Flesh, Cartilidge, tiny muscle, all gone. Around this time
the doctor realizes that he will have some explaining to do
to the mother.

"heres your baby Mrs. Twatsniff"
**hands baby to mother.**
Mother: " What happened!! You told me my baby was healthy when
she came out? She does not have legs! is that healthy to you?"
Doctor: " Well no, um, what i meant was that she was breathing
alright and seemed free of any disease."
Mother: " Hey asshole this baby don't have any legs.
What the fuck? Are you fucking blind?"
Around this time the doctor begins to worry.
'Shit! she's on to me. What do i do? whats my story? Am I an
incompetent doctor or a blind one?'

Well of course the doctor can't decide so he ends up out on
his ass, begging for spare changing on some street corner
in Flint, Michigan just trying to get a few quarters for
a bite to eat.

But, of course doctors are smart people. Hell, they went to college
for seven years they have to know something. Let's back up to our original doctor
who has just finished eating the legs of a new born. At this point he is fucked,
he has a half eaten baby he has to get rid of. Now there are two things this
guy can do. And I say 'guy' on purpose. How many ladies have eaten a baby just
because they were hungry?? Thats right. Anyway back to the story.

The first thing he can do is finish his meal. Without the legs an averaged sized baby
can be eaten in about five to six good sized bites. Don't ask me how I know
this, I am not a doctor, but there are a few things I know. That’s his first
option, finish off the new born. I know most of you are thinking, that the other
choice is to throw the damn thing away. Well fuck that! My mother always said
that wasting food is a sin. So I say grab so aluminum foil or some Tupperware
and save that little bastard in the break room refrigerator. Just remember to
put a sticky note on it with your name on it so no one takes your leftovers.
And if you return to the refrigerator and your doggy bag is missing, have no
fear. How many of people do you think would pass the opportunity to eat a baby?
Fuck I know I wouldn't! The baby is already dead, some stranger finds the half
rotten remains and has himself a taste, what’s the big deal. And the best thing about
finding something like that is the story that comes with it.

Years from now
that stranger will be telling That story at weddings, baptisms, Thanksgiving
feasts, Easter dinners, maybe even at baby showers if he has an open minded
group of friends.
This guy will be standing up at his brothers wedding to make a toast and say
"This reminds me the time had my testicles enlarged. After the surgery I was so
dizzy I went wandering around the hospital for about 45 minutes. I stumbled
into a quiet doctor break room with a refrigerator and opened that door
and had myself a gander to what was inside. Well hot shit I could not believe it,
just as the codine finally wore off, I found myself half a baby in a Tupperware container.
I was so exicted i thought my balls would explode right then and there. I looked at
the little fella with hungry eyes and ate him cold right out of the container,
With the door of the refrigerator wide open!"

Well wasn't that story something? That monster! Left the Goddamn door open! if
There are two things I have learned from my parents they are "Wasting food
is a sin" and "Close the damn door!"

But lets get back to the original story of our doctor who has just eaten half of
a baby and has now stored the remains in the nearest refrigerator.

Doctor comes into the room where the mother is anxiously awaiting the
outcome of nine months of hell and really her only purpose in life.
(To the ladies out there this is not an insult, men like myself don't
even have a reason other than trying to fuck lots of women. So we
often make up reasons for life such as building cars, running countries
, winning the Super Bowl, these are all fake reasons for life that
men make up to try and make life worth living.)

So the doctor comes in and with
a toothpick in his teeth and a breath mint on his tongue he looks the
woman who has been through so much pain right in her anxious eyes and says
"Mrs. Twatsniff, I am sorry but your baby has SIDS. There was nothing we could do"