How can I deal with the death of a teacher?

My 11th grade English teacher is dying. He is 38 years old. He has stage 4 stomach cancer, and at that point less than 35% of people survive. When I first heard he was ill I was terrified, the word Cancer scared me. I’m not sure if it was that I was sure he would get better and return to school, or if I just chose not to deal with the fact he may die.

He has multiple organ failure. The teachers at school have tried to remain positive about the situation, reassuring us that he is receiving the best care possible at the Mayo Clinic. His wife makes updates about his progress in a blog and seems so upbeat and confident about his recovery.

Today another teacher approached me and told me that things were not looking good. She said two administrators from the school had already gone up there to say their goodbyes. She said another teacher would be going up there to see him and say goodbye and would collect notes from students for him to read.

I want to write him something, but I’m not sure what I should write. I’ve signed some cards for him that have been passed around telling him to get well and I missed him. I’ve also posted on the message board at his wife’s blog.

He was probably the best English teacher I’ve had. The first time I saw him I was nervous, he is probably 6’4” and bald. He just looks scary. He has worked in so many different jobs, he decided he wanted to be a teacher after he taught some classes in a prison. He looked tough, but really was just a big teddy bear.

He would always tell us these great stories from when he went to college or about his friends. We would always get nervous when he would wear a tie, because it meant we were having a pop quiz. He would always listen to you if you had a problem, his door was always open for current or former students.

I want to tell him how much he has made an impact on my life. I want him to know that he was my favorite teacher and that I respected him so much. He encouraged me to pursue a career in journalism after another teacher told me it was stupid. I’m so upset he is dying. So upset that he wont get to make an impact on other students lives.

I’m scared to face the reality that he will die. I have only had one person die who I was close to before, and that was my grandfather, but I was only 3. I don’t know if I fully understood the concept of death then. Now I am older and I do understand, but I somehow wish I didn’t.