Thats a statement that I know alot of girls have been screaming at the top of their lungs without even saying a word, but honestly... i dont think thats how they originally started off.
So this is for guys and girls.. i really want to understand why.
I read a blog and it honestly made me realize how much I tolerate. I've had guys say all sorts of things to me at school and i've had guys slap my butt and do plenty of things that are inappropriate. When I started out as a freshman I was mortified when this stuff happened, but to be honest... i've sort of grown numb to it now and i guess stopped caring as much as I used to. I dont want to be considered just another piece of "meat." There is so much more to me and every guy that actually knows me respects me... however they didnt before they knew me. I've had some guy friends who used to say sexual things to me all the time when we first started being friends but once they actually carried out a conversation with me they stopped, and really started respecting what I had to say about things. I dont want to be like those girls who dont have a problem with it and have that "sure you can feel me anywhere you want" attitude.
So to the guys out there, why do men do these sorts of things? And to the women... what are your theories and how can you avoid becoming numb to it without being really uptight.. what have been some of your experiences?
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If a contest of "who's got the bigger dick." it's always been that way, and it always will be that way.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
it shouldnt always be that way tho..theres got to be some way to change the standards..
it's hard to follow threads when you don't click the reply link to the comment you wish to respond to.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
There is us men need to step up and be real men.
I love the whole youth group rhetoric of "real men don't have sex with women, especially when they really love them"
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
I have to disagree with Nicholas. I have several guy friends that have, from the beginning of our acquaintance, treated me with the utmost respect. Whatever they thought of my physical appearance they politely kept it to themselves and made an effort to know me in 4-D; the mind inside the body.
I think men treat women that way because women, by and large, allow it. Not in an overt sense but they don't command the respect they deserve. The men involved definitely have responsibility too. They should know that women are equals and deserve to be treated as such. I want to pause and clarify. I'm not arguing for a society where the sexes are seperated by a foot at all times or a society where women never allow men to touch them. I'm reading a great book right now that is related to this topic. It's called "Female Chauvenist Pigs" by Ariel Levy. I think Ms. Levy makes a much more eloquent and organized argument for the rise of thsi behavior in our society and why it occurs" why men do it and why women let it happen.
Jaime
Just because they are nice and chialrous to your face does not mean that they aren't thinking, "Man...if only she'd take her top off..."
Quite honestly, I'm a pretty decent excuse for a guy. I can't get along with many guys, but at least I try and listen to the things my girlfriend has to say. As a matter of fact, I love listening to her. But this, by no means, means I'm not thinking, "Dude...when're we gonna fuck!!?" The way the male mind is set up is to send the right signals to the right sections of the body to produce the greatest number of offspring possible...Therein, it's rather difficult to find the "perfect" guy. Unless he's gay.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
What's wrong with wanting to see a girl with her top off? Come on! Her top's off!
My girlfriend and I have a great thing going. We talk (about stuff, like sex, people, movies, you know, the usual), we have sex (before marriage, and before bed, dinner, etc.). I always tell her she should take her top off. It's fun. And every once in a while...she does.
It's great that you listen to your girlfriend, but you gotta loosen up. Have some fun.
But: use protection.
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
how on earth does this do anything to help a person feel better about herself tho? Honestly when guys get like that for me it makes me more self conscious than anything. Maybe YOU should reconsider what a good relationship is... because i'm sure that that isn't it.
My girlfriend has no lack of self esteem, so it's never been an issue. Anyways, she always tells me if I go too far. But that doesn't happen very often. All girls are different, and if I had a different girlfriend who didn't appreciate what I did, I'd stop. I'm accommodating like that.
Whisper on a scream doesn't change a thing. - Kenny Wayne Sheppard Band
Dude its not that hard to find guys like that...im far beyond gay even ask fallingup. Its all about what you put in your mind. I mean if you think about sex and let it consume you what are you going to be thinking about? Sex isnt all its made out to be. Us men need to stop thinking about sex, and think about the woman's heart.
Actually, sex can be pretty awesome. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
From your post, I can't tell if you're mad about guys' inappropriate comments and touching, that you feel like you have to put up with it, or that guys don't respect you in the way you feel they should. Or all three.
To me, inappropriate comments or touching are completely that: inappropriate. I would tell off or get into the face of any guy that started making unwanted comments to me or touched me in any way that I felt was inappropriate. Guys can say things to their friends or in their heads that I never need to hear. It's the way they behave when they're addressing me that counts.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
but i can see what Nicholas is saying
i have yet to meet a guy who can say that isn't always thinknig of getting some and sadly this goes for guys in my family too
and even more i can say that they only reason they control themself is because they HAVE TO control their instincts and keep themselves in check, so yeah, i really really wished it was like we all want it to be, you know that guys are not always thnking of sexual things but almost always they are or that they could totally get this girl or that one
"Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right."
This kind of thinking, the kind that believes guys can barely control their sexual instincts, is the same kind of thinking that believes its a chicks fault for getting raped when she dresses slutty and gets drunk at a party.
Just something to keep in mind.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
Alright...you have your opinion. But that's kind of a back-ass-wards way of thinking in this situation. I just said that guys cannot control themselves sexually, and you think that I think it's the girl's fault? Are you insane? Most girls who get raped are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Others are stalked, raped, and then killed. Rarely is a girl raped for simply "dress[ing] slutty and get[ing] drunk at a party."
Therein, it's the guy's fault.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
I really hope you don't think I actually believe either of those things.
What I meant was that if you start thinking that guys can't control themselves, you start thinking that girls are the ones that need to keep guys from giving in to their "desires" (or whatever) and then you start thinking that its a girls fault when she gets raped because she "was asking for it" since guys can't help themselves. I don't think any of that. But some people do and that sucks.
Common sense is as rare as genius. ~Emerson
I just said it was always the guy's fault...So I'm confused as to where you and I are missing each other...
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
who never ever wears anything besides full sleeves and jeans or sweats ) :)
and thinks that one needs to not bitch about guys giving them a once-over if they are dressed in a stripper/slutty manner
but i know you wouldn't know that until now
on my comment---i said something i have observed and it might not go for every single guy but it goes for the majority (i included my own brother (he's 15 now) and my cousins (17,21. 22,) in that majority)
"Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right."
I also see Nicholas's point but I don't think he, by any means, disproved or challenged mind. I am a halthy female and I have a sex drive. Yes, when talking to a really attractive male I sometimes let my mind wander to waht it would be like if. . .Still I keep that to myself and don't grope him or make lewd comments and I expect the same from the guys I interact with. I consider myself reasonably attractive and therefore it seems logical that a reasonable portion of men I interact with let their minds wander to, "hey, what's under that turtleneck?", while they're talking to me. That's fine. What isn't fine, what is downright wrong is when that thought becomes an inappropriate action in form of an unwelcome comment or touch.
Sincerely,
Jaime
Because Guys will think, and there's nothing we can do about that.... no doubt... but it's when it becomes touching or commenting that it becomes wrong.
Exactly! Sure there are some guys out there that never learned that touching people without permission was wrong, but there are also guys (myself included) that will wait until they know it's alright to be touching the girl. There are some girls out there that don't like to be hugged, and you know, I can understand that. But at some point, some physical contact (be it a hug, a handshake, whatever) is necessary for a human to properly function.
Nicholas Aden
Self-Promotion
thats pretty much my point..
It seems like we are all agreed on how the world should be run. Doesn't mutual consensus give you a warm, glowy feeling?
Sincerely,
Jaime
Amy you dont want guys thinking whats under your clothes I know this lol...but I know you especially hate it when guys touch you...im sorry for that its rude and disgusting.