"My Secret"
I love you.
I have loved you longer than I dare admit, even to myself. I love everything about you. I love your personality, your craziness, your artistic mind, your insomnia, your style, your hair, your laugh, your smile. I love how you take everything in stride and how you care so much for your friends. I love you for how smart you are, how funny, how honest. I love your sarcasm.
I love you better than I have ever loved another, and if you think I do not love you at all, I love you in spite of your obliviousness. I love you with all the honesty I have. I love you with all that I am, with such emotion I frighten myself at times. I love everything you are and everything you can and will become.
How can you not see it in my eyes? hear it in my voice? feel it in my actions and my words? I will say it once more, to be sure you completely understand me:
I LOVE YOU.
First of all, I wrote this a while back. I didn't have the guts to tell my current girlfriend how I feel about her in person, so I posted this on DeviantArt.com, knowing that it is her favorite Web site and that she would read it.
Two days after she first read the letter, we went into a dA chatroom to talk about things, because (as I found out in the chat) we were both going through a painful time...because we were in love with each other, and neither one of us was brave enough to tell the other. After several tear-filled minutes, where we were basically telling each other how much we wished we could help, but didn't know what to do, I finally just said to her:
"Hate me."
Make any sense to you? I have been trying to rationalize my decision to type that, but the only explanation I can come up with is that I felt it was better to KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she would never be more than just a friend than to continue torturing myself by constantly trying to find deeper meaning in our friendship.
Well, wouldn't you know it. Those two little words turned the tables on us both. I had accidentally put her on the spot, and she was the one who ended up going first.
Funny thing, though. Until she told me that SHE loved ME, I couldn't cry. I was in so much pain, but I just COULDN'T cry. As soon as I got over the initial shock, I couldn't stop the tears. It was the happiest moment of my life.
...
You probably don't really care about my emotional BS, but I have a point.
Love can hurt so much that you wonder if it would be better to feel nothing at all, but all that pain is worth it when that love is returned.
Honestly, I should never be a motivational speaker...I go about it all wrong.
Love can hurt and Love does suck. I actually do care about people's emotions alot it is the other people who don't care about me as a friend. I am glad that you are in love and that is nice to know you are happy. I am in love also but I am stupid in a sense that I believe love should feel like it looks like it does in movies. But love is not like that. for me at least. lol
Movies idealize love. It rarely ever works out the way they say it should. In my experience (what little I have, and I will include everything my friends have told me about their love lives), love works out more like Phantom of the Opera and Sweeney Todd than 40 First Dates. Love is a tragedy that happens at just the moment that its catharsis leaves you feeling nothing but joy.
I'd rather love so much it pains me than to never feel anything at all.
So I do. Surprisingly, it sucks.
Who would have guessed?
But I'd rather feel something than feel nothing.
Yeah...but it doesn't suck nearly so much when you aren't alone.
I completely agree with almost everything you've said. Love hurts so much we can't process it and so treat it like joy. It's giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting them not to, and knowing that even when they do it might not matter.
"What was never given utterance eventually becomes too nebulous to recall."
~ Jane Smiley
Exactly. Unfortunately for me, though, I gave that trust before I knew if she felt the same way, so I was stuck in emotional Hell for about a month before I finally got answers.
I disagree. The tricky part about love is trusting the other person enough to let your guard down, but also trusting yourself to know when the other person is abusing it. I don't think love is ever giving the other person the power to destroy you. To me, that is lust.
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