I am returning to college after an absence of nearly 12 years. After working jobs where I made just over minimum wage, I decided enough was enough. So I took my husbands lead and decided to check out the school he was planning on attending. After meeting with the admissions counselor, I decided it was a good fit for me. I loved that I could have my bachelor's of science degree in 36 short months and then be out working in my field of respiratory therapy with the assistance of the career placement team. I signed my enrollment forms, filled out all my financial aid paperwork, shook hands with the team and went home. I was so excited about returning to school that I really felt as though my heart was going to explode! The drive home was exciting. I couldn't wait to call my mom and tell her what great news I had.
Instead I waited for her to get home and upon getting there I rushed over to tell her my exciting news....that not only was my husband, Jason, going to be a member of the graduating class of 2011, I was as well. She looked at me with a blank look and asked me how much MY education was going to cost. I told her that I had just signed my life away to over $60,000 in student loans but that the reward in the end was going to more than pay for itself. She then proceeded to remind me that my husband had also taken out $60,000 in student loans for his education. There wasn't even a moment where she said congratulations honey or I am so proud of you. Immediately it was turned to something negative. After going over and over with her our educational plan and our plan for the future I got a half-assed good luck out of her mouth.
Easter Sunday as we celebrated the holiday with both sides of the family and family friends, my mom decided to run her mouth again. Our family friend, who happens to be just a wonderful woman and has given me much more support than my own mother, asked me how much my student loan was good for as she was sitting at the counter with my mother. As I continued to fix a side dish, I told her that I had signed out $62,000 in student loans. Do you think my mother could keep her mouth shut? No. She started in on me that Jason and I were going to be old and gray and still paying off student loans and that we were going to be aged by the time we were able to enjoy our salaries. I had to remind her that the minimum national salary for my husband's career starts at...yes, STARTS at $75,000 a year. I informed her that I was well aware of the fact that I wasn't going to start out making $40 -$50 an hour right out of school, but it was better than being stuck in a "job" (by the way...that stands for Just Over Broke in my book) that paid me $10 an hour for the rest of my life. She continued to go on and on about how much money it was for the degree and that he and I weren't be realistic in our expectations. Then I was reminded about how she went to school on a full ride scholarship and worked full time for her additional money. Completely frustrated I had to remind her that we weren't all as lucky as she had been in life.
Our friend of the family quickly changed the topic. She saw how absolutely angry I was getting with my own mother. My mother-in-law came in to hug me and told me how proud she was of me and her son for doing this. Everyone else has been so thrilled and excited for us, except for her. She is the ONE person I would think would be so thrilled that I finally got my life together and was doing something with it, yet she isn't.
Sometimes I wonder if she realizes how absolutely negative she can be when it comes to her remarks to people. Sometimes I wonder if she really even cares how negative she comes across. It's pretty bad when her own friends look at her like she is a raving lunatic and call her a bitch behind her back. It's difficult for me to remain positive about making such a life changing choice when the person closest to me has nothing but crap to dish out but I know if I am going to do well in school, I have to put her and her negativity behind me and move forward. In the end when my husband and I walk the line at graduation and we both have our degrees, I'm going to take great pride in turning to her with my diploma in my hand and giving her a loud "I told you I was going to do this and I did"!! Is that wrong to say to your mother? Perhaps. But isn't it equally as wrong to be so negative? You decide.
Unsupportive Mother? You decide!
By incomplete_angel - Posted on March 25th, 2008
Tagged: life
• Life Lessons
Well, there is a long line of strong, negative women in my family. Know what I've learned to do? TUNE THEM OUT!! You are doing what is best for you. That is all that matters. If your mother just can't understand then don't talk about it with her. That's what we do in my family. We keep things from my grandmother just so she won't rain on our parade. It's sad to not be able to share things with her but it's worse to not only hear her lectures but also know that she's gossiping about you behind your back. Obviously you're not going to keep something as big as going back to school away from your mother but is it really her business how much it's costing you? By keeping little pieces of information like that from your mother you could be well on your way to a happier, healthier relationship with her. All she needs to know is that you're going back to school and you couldn't be happier about it. Payment plans are none of her business. That's private. It's information that should only be known to you, your husband, and the bank. Don't listen to your mother. You are so brave for going back!
I'm sorry she's being so unsupportive. Many, many people graduate well over 60k in debt. If you manage your debt wisely, it's definitely worth it to get a college education.
Don't worry about what your mother says. Both of my parents told me I was too old to go back to school, but I am doing it anyway. Parents are not always as supportive as you would hope, so screw her and go make your life better! Good luck with all of your classes!