Considering Suicide

In recent event following Virginia Tech massacre

I have considered suicide. Not for myself personally. There are a few people that I wish would commit suicide or just plain die. It may be mean to say but I am entitled to my opinion. I will not elaborate on that opinion. I want to write this because I feel there are a lot of individuals that are seriously considering killing themselves. They might joke about it in person but that is enough to alarm you once you hear me up close in personal experience with suicide.

In about March 2007, I met a guy I thought was so handsome. He said he had a "baby mom" I thought at that point hey who doesn't so no big deal. I wanted to get to know him anyway. He was so kind to me never disrespectful. He was so attractive he had a lot of female friends to the point I could not date him if I wanted to. I would not have the patience. He had three kids and a ex-wife to tend to so I was not about to sweat it.

The guy had a lot going for his self being that he was such a hard worker. We would talk about three times a week. He became my best friend. I would call and check on him and we would go hang out. He had 9mm hanging around but I thought it was for his protection. We do have the right to own fire arms. I thought nothing of it until. The day of the Virginia Tech killings.He changed after that tragedy. On April 16, 2007 he started watching the Virginia Tech news castings day in and day out. I did not know if he would turn on the news coverage to show me what he wanted to do to his self. In
hindsight I can make a lot of assumptions. I can say a lot of things about the possibilities of his diminishing mental strength. He never said he wanted to kill his self I should of taken the time to listen to the signs. Even though I did not
know him long I do not think anyone ever knew the depths of his despair.

On May 1, 2007 his phone was cut off I was so heated because by that time I got used to his calls. I wanted to hear his voice. He called me from someone else's phone to let me know what happened and I felt comforted. Days went pass I was busy getting some school work done. On May 7, 2007 he popped up at my house and I did not expect it at all. I had a guy that I was dating over to my house. It was a all bad situation. I could tell the friend got fresh out the shower and got dressed to come see me. I was torn and I know he felt it. as much as I cared about him I just did not think he liked me so much. That day I could mot help but want to see him and talk but his phone was cut off. So, I walked over to his house to find out if he was there. Just as I walked up to his apartment I saw his head lights shining right on my face. I f I had left out a second longer I would missed him for the rest of my life.

So I jumped in the car with him but it was something different about him. I think he was demented in hindsight. We just drove to the local store. As he walked in the store in that split second I wondered , how I would feel if he were to just die today. I could not feel it. When he got back in the car he told me so much about how he was planning his own death. I never been in a situation like that in my life. He gave me a story about why I was sent to stop him. I was happy that he felt relieved by my presence. I knew then he was not going to hurt himself. We went into the house for a while and he went on and on. Then he finally revealed his self he had taken a bottle of Tylenol and drunk two pints of Remy to himself. I was so messed up myself. I had been drinking too. So we chilled he told me that he wanted me to have everything and he wanted to be with me. I wanted to tell him to just be quiet and hold me but he could not sit still. I was afraid for the both of us at that point. I did not want to leave him alone but I did not want to get hurt.

I n his apartment he left letters to his kids and ex-wife, and even his ID. He left it all out. He went to sleep that night next to me but he woke up in the middle of the night he kissed me and said he would be right back. I trusted him to come right back. He never did. I sat in his apart for two days hoping that he would just come back home.His life, his kids, and me were not enough to live for.

In the aftermath he was not on the news. It was not an article in the paper. I did not go to his funeral. I could not see the many people faces so hurt by his suicide. I was not sad I was angry. I had so much love for him and he would betray his family just because he was weak. It is nothing for a man to quit, Legends overcome adversity. Quitters always lose first and Winners always win in the end. So before you think about killing yourself remember it is not about you do not be so selfish. Just because you hate yourself just love someone else enough unconditionally to never quit. In the end you will not be a hero for saving yourself from yourself.

[1 ]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginia_Tech_massacre

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