Lesbian Relationships. Fem on Fem. Who Plays The Male Role?

One day when i was at a bookstore, I noticed a book titled " So You Think You're a Lesbian....100 Myths About Lesbians/Lesbian Relationships". I picked the book up and started page-browsing and I noticed a "myth" that caught my interest. "Myth: In a lesbian relationship, one person always plays the male role".

Now I know better to believe that there is always a butch/stud and fem to every lesbian relationship (i myself consider myself rather in between, i love my fem side and appearance but am a tomboy at heart and rather play a sport than get my nails done ), but i disagreed with this so called "myth". I think that there is always a more feminine role played by one person, and a more masculine role played, when looking past physical characteristics but more so the roles that are supposedly played by males as defined by our American society today. I'll give a few examples to those of us that watch the L word, and explain a little better for those of you that don't.

Bette and Tina: By appearance, two fems. But when you look into the roles that each character plays it seems more obvious to me that Bette plays the masculine role, while Tina plays the more feminine role. Bette kept her job, as both decided that Tina quit hers to carry their child and raise it. She cooks, cleans, grocery shops, and so on. Bette is the successful second mother who kept her job. She is the protector, who silenced protesters on her front lawn while her partner was going through emotional turmoil. She was the one who broke when communication was lost, and decided to cheat on her partner. All these are considered male and female "roles" in our society today.

Jenny and Nicki: I would say Jenny plays the male role in this fem/fem relationship. Nicki is the young one, with less experience, she is very naive. Jenny has had more experience, sees the naiveness, and takes advantage of it by placing her dominance. All decisions are made by Jenny, unless she is bribed with sex, in which case she becomes indecisive, or decides to give Nicki what she wants. She's the boss, while Nicki is right beneath her, the actress in a film being produced by Jenny.

Kit and Papi: Kit obviously wasn't a lesbian. She had never had sex or a relationship with another woman, and Papi was the equivalent of Shane, who has had sex with almost every woman in their community. Though ironic, I give the male role to Kit. Papi would've held the male role in any other instance, but because Kit was questioning herself and had no realistic emotions for Papi, nor was she attracted to her, and Papi would've done anything to be with Kit, the balance is set. Papi knew kit wasn't a lesbian, but tried enticing her with alcohol and her status of being able to give multiple orgasms in a matter of seconds. She tried to change Kit so that she would have what she wanted. Kit was hurt, lonely, and seemingly out of options. Maybe even bored. After Kit got out of her slump, she vanished from the "relationship" while Papi was left moping, reminiscing a lost cause and pointless sex.

I personally don't relate male and female roles in my own relationships. Not in that way at least, because a woman is not defined by her status as a housewife, or being emotionally inept and throwing her sex around to validate herself. I believe that there is not ALWAYS a male/female role in every lesbian relationship from a more personal, inside perspective. However I believe that we obviously relate hetero relationships, and what the world defines as a man or woman, to homo relationships and give each other the roles to play.

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