It has been a growing fear of mine that I will leave high school without a sense of whom I want to be and who I have already become. It has been a long expedition getting this far in my path of self acceptance and realization but it is not even close to being over. I wonder everyday who I am getting dressed up for and why it matters so much to me if I have a date for a dance or not. There is less emphasis on the creative mind than on the grades and business aspect of learning. Why is it that our society demands perfection when most people learn from mistakes?
My own father stresses the necessity of science and math while I cannot see how knowing how to solve a multi-variable problem will help me on the stage. I often wonder how many things I am doing for my parents and teachers and how many I am doing because of me. If I tallied them, I am sure that what I do for my parents would outweigh greatly what I do for myself. I am not sure if this is such a huge sacrifice. I am sure that if my life were written out in a play format, I would be seen as an almost tragic character (as would most teenagers) who does what her parents tell her and follows on what would seem a suitable path. I don’t know why I feel so compelled to follow on this straight path. Most great men and woman are the ones who stray greatly or even slightly from the norm of society. Am I throwing away my chance of greatness because I have blended in to the mundane existence of the good girl mold?
Perhaps it will be that when I am older, I will somehow receive the knowledge that my eighteen small years lacks so much of and finally achieve my own level of greatness. I believe I have taken a craving for greatness from my years in school. I have realized that I have a bigger voice than just a teenager in a classroom. I can dine with Faulkner, dance with Austen and converse about politics with Chopin. It is like Shakespeare so artfully says in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, “though she be but little, she is fierce”(Act 3 Scene 2). I am a force to be reckoned with. I am a woman and I am capable of doing anything I want to. I know that is one of the most trite things to say, but it holds a much deeper meaning to someone who has been struggling to search for what they can do when everyone around them is saying what they can’t.
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