Sexual roles and stereotypes is something that has been going on since the beginning of time. By the most part, women have been expected to do ‘womanly’ things, such as cleaning, cooking, taking care of the family, while males where considered as the primary source for the families support and money. As time has passed these roles and stereotypes have not only lost (most) of their value but also its continuity. We are now in a stage in which most of these archaic values are being replaced by new ones and reanalyzed. Even though, time and research has shown that to be true, there are still a lot of people that like to follow sexual roles and believe in sexual stereotypes, which can lead to negative responses towards peoples that have different views and ways of living. For example, recently I was asked by my Sociology professor to reflect on the following question/scenario:
Imagine that you have a 5 year old son. His 6th birthday is coming up and as promised, you are taking him to a store, for him to chose an outfit (of his choice) for his upcoming birthday party. You two arrive at the store and he tells you, to your surprise, that he wants a pink dress. What would you do and why? (please be honest)
This question put many people ‘in the spot’, many did not want to answer (in order not to look bad in front of their peers), while other’s did (without thinking it twice!). What I would like to know, is what YOU would do and why. The reason why I am asking you this is because I want to know many different people’s opinion and like this is more anonymous, than if you were asked in a class, office, etc. I think more people would be more willing to answer. When you can, please feel free to answer and express and support your opinion.
Thanks for the cooperation and time *^_^*
I would take him and help him pick out a dress that he liked. Honestly, even if he still wanted to define himself as male and wear dresses, or if he wanted to define himself as female and wear dresses, that would be fine. Dresses, in this world, define one's gender, but they don't have to. If women can wear pants, men can wear dresses. Now obviously, that isn't just going to happen immediately, but there's no reason men can't wear dresses if they want to, even men who identify as masculine males.
Gender, just like sexuality, is much much more fluid than our dichotomies allow. Clothing is often a means of expressing the self; where's the harm in allowing to a six year old to wear a dress?
To tell the honest absolute truth, I'm not sure if I would buy him a dress. This is not saying that I wouldn't want him to be happy or that I wouldn't support his decision about his gender/sexual orientation. I wouldn't buy him the dress because I wouldn't want him to face the ridicule and torment that would most likely come along with it. I wouldn't want to subject my young child to that kind of emotional stress.
If he really couldn't live without the dress, I might encourage him (because of the young age) to try out something like a kilt. Or perhaps a Grecian themed party complete with togas. The little boy I babysit for had a Harry Potter themed party where everyone wore robes and capes. I think I might encourage something that's a little more gender neutral first, rather than immediately give him a pink (frilly, dainty) party dress.
My boss' son wanted to be a princess for Halloween a couple of years ago and she wasn't quite ready to buy him a dress (she has since come around, as it is not going away any time soon), so she told him that he could be a prince, since they already had a "prince suit" from a wedding he was in. He agreed, as long as he could have a cape. Knowing he would settle for nothing less, she presented me with gold fabric and pink fur and asked me to make a cape, which I did. His grandmother made a pink fur hat to go under his crown (we're in Minnesota, where Halloween costumes are always covered up by parkas). We presented him to his mom in full costume, and she laughed hysterically, saying, "He looks like a drag queen!" I reminded her that she gave me pink fur...what did she expect? She said, "I guess I didn't know a four-year-old could look like Liberace!"
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
If he was ultra adorable and 5 or younger, then definately. He'd look so cute.....lots of baby picture for future embarrassment intents. :D Aside from that, what would it matter if other people say something about it. He's not even their kid, so BAH to them.
Good point, the world needs to learn how to open up anyways.
I wrote about it here:
http://www.progressiveu.org/143840-transgender-5-year-old-whats-feminist...
I think it does the child no good to shame them for their affinities. And if the kid is asking to wear a dress at his party, he probably asked for a princess party anyway, so is it really a surprise that he wants a dress? Five-year-olds are awesome. I think we teach them to be decidedly less awesome with our stupid rules and gender roles.
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/ediblewoman
I couldn't agree more with you.
This is really hard. I beleive I would let a 5 yr old or younger yes, but over that no because then they are at school with older kids who have a better understanding of dresses. I have a huge feeling though, that if I let him my husband wouldn't. Men don't even like to embrace each other, so I can't see them wanting their son in a dress.
Après la pluie le beau temps. ♥
No. I don't think I would buy him the pink dress. The dress I imagine is very frilly and feminine (by definition). Why wouldn't I? I have no issues if he is transgender, bixsexual, gay, or just happens to have a taste for feminine items. But, since he is turning 6 and would be in kindergarten I think I would worry more about perceptions around him.
I would ask him why he liked the dress. Often times when I talk to children about what they wish to buy there is an alternate reason for what they want, not because they want the item in particular, but because of a connection they found to someone else. For example, when my cousin was 6 she had a tendency to order foods at restaurants that she clearly could not stand and would not eat. Her parents often would not order it for her because they knew she would not eat it and instead asked her why she wanted it. Turns out she only wanted it to impress and copy me (12 at the time).
Now if at the end he clearly does love the dress and really wants to wear it to his party and there seems to be no hidden motivation (like impressing a girl, which I've heard of) then I might consider making a compromise (buying a pink shirt if it is the color he likes or like the pink lined cape mentioned above). Unless I was in a very liberal area where boys wearing dresses is common. I am not a fan of people catering to stereotypes and social expectations, but then again I do not want my child to suffer from me fighting back.
The Heathen's Guide
PRIDE
ENVY
GLUTTONY
Nicely said, I agree, many kids behave that way :)
As has already been pointed out there maybe multiple reasons that a boy might want to wear a dress. History would also be a guiding factor here for me. Has "my son" expressed a desire to wear dresses before? Or is this out of the blue? Is there external reasons influencing him (an older sister perhaps?) or is this his own idea?
If there was a history of some gender variance, and things like that usually show up earlier than 5-6 years old, then I would have no problems allowing him to wear the dress.
If however this seems to be a one off decision that he has made I might buy the dress but put it in his room telling him that he can change into it when the other children have arrived if he wants to. I wouldn't forbid it outright but would allow him to make that decision on his own.
To make a decision like this on the information provided is very difficult, but as a parent I know that a lot of decisions in real life when it comes to our children are really very simple once you know the personality and history of that child.
Cathii
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Those who know everything have learned little from life.
Nope, I wouldn't get it for him, and I wouldn't think twice about it. I'd do this because he's a boy, not a girl. He's not going to be dressing like a girl if I have anything to say about it, especially since he's still young enough for me to still influence what he's doing. Say what you want about it, but that's what I would do.
I saw this and just had to respond! I actually did buy my son (6) a dress! I have a friend that watches Jason 3 days a week and he loves playing dress up with her daughters. He would frequentlly ask me to buy him his own dress and I would explain to him that dresses are only for girls. He was always crushed by this, but I couldn't give a good reason why boys can't wear dresses. When his birthday came up he told me that is all he wanted. I gave in! I just said "why not?" He loves wearing it. Yes it's unconventional but he's not hurting anybody. Although my husband cringes a bit he's okay with it....Gretchen
Yes I would buy him a dress. Why do you ask, well at that age most children are truly honest with their feelings and have not been taught to suppress their true feelings on things. my nephew, who is now an adult, wehn he was 8 yrs of age wanted a dress, so I gave him the money and he bought 3 of them. He chose the one he wanted and gave the other 2 to his sister. He wore that dress whenever he wanted until it no longer fit him. His mother put it away and just receently gave it back to him. He grew up to be a healthy normal male, got married and has children. He stated that if his son would ever want a dress he intends to give him his dress he had as a boy. Do not suppress your son's true expressions at a time when he is only being fully honest with you, his parents