The Voice of Reason

“Those who lose their parents can be two types of people: they can be a victim who walks around in life as if they had a sign on them saying poor me or they can rise above the occasion and take the correct actions to become a better person. I played the cards I was dealt. I am the best person I can be. I am the best mother I can be. I am the best wife I can be. I am the best sister I can be. I am the best friend I can be. I am me.” It was two weeks before Lori’s ninth birthday when she found out that her mother had been diagnosed with an advanced stage of ovarian cancer. People told her that things were going to be alright, but by the way that her mother had immediately been rushed to the hospital, and by the way the doctors seemed to be so hesitant, things seemed to be just the opposite.
It was February 20, 1970, such a special occasion for such a little girl. There was a small cake and pink balloons that seemed to be just floating lower and lower into the air. This was supposed to be her birthday celebration, a time to have fun and smile, but all she could think of was her mother. Her step-father told her not to worry, and that things would be alright, but again she knew otherwise. Lori knew that she had to set an example for her two younger sisters, Christy and Cynthia, so she sat back at the dinner table and blew out her birthday candles and made a wish as she was sung to. A memory of a mix of happy birthday to you, happy birthday, I wish, oh I wish, I wish that my mother, to you, happy birthday dear Lori, will really be alright, and that she wont have to suffer any longer, please, happy birthday toooooooo you! The song and the wish remained a blur in her head as she went off to bed, trying just this once to forget everything that was going on.
“When my mother was driven to the hospital, I knew it was the last time that I would ever see her again.” Lori’s step-father was visiting his wife at the hospital, planning to stay with her for as long as he felt it be necessary. The three girls were sent off to their mother’s friend’s house to be watched over. In a single bed, the sisters cuddled together, each of them, however, was dreaming their own dreams. Ring, ring, ring, the phone call at two a.m. awakened the trio at an instant in fear that it was about their mother. Sitting, waiting, and hoping that this time things were actually going to be alright, Lori stared at her mother’s friend as she listened to the news being relayed. It was like an ice age, a very cold ice age before any expression took over this woman’s face. Instantly, the news sunk in. The vision of her face will never be forgotten…first a pale coloring and then tears like Niagara Falls. The more silent it got from the three young girls, the more apparent the woman’s crying became. Through her slowing tears, the woman got the children dressed and managed to load them into her car. The drive was silent, but each one of their thoughts was loud. Without a doubt, they knew something was wrong, but what the actual situation was remained a mystery.
Driving down Bryant Court in the blue car, Lori looked out her window and saw several cars in front of her house that belonged to her relatives. They were standing out front. At her house, the car came to a halt where her step-father greeted them with a blank stare. He suggested that they all go upstairs where he could talk to the three girls in private about something very important. “Girls, I have some bad news that I have to tell you,” their father became very tense… “your mother has passed away. She is gone, and will no longer be in pain. I know you girls will be alright, I know everything is going to be alright. I promise.” Christy and Cynthia immediately began to cry, latching onto their daddy for the support they craved. Lori didn’t cry. Lori wasn’t sad. Lori was infused with anger. She didn’t want to sit there and mourn for her mother at this time, this wasn’t what she wanted to do, she wanted to go outside and play.
It was a few days after her mother’s death, Lori sat on her bed in her room (alone), and cried for her mother for the first time ever. She hadn’t cried sooner because, “As a nine year old, I didn’t understand what was going on, even though I claimed that I had. I resented my mother because I couldn’t see how it was okay in her eyes to leave us. I resented my step-father because he didn’t stop the problems in his home, but just worked instead. I resented my real father because he hadn’t taken care of me. I resented everyone that had told me that things would be alright because they had lied. And now, I resented the people that told me they were sorry because I was sick of hearing them all.” The result of not having a mom caused Lori to have to grow up a lot faster. She had to be a mother at the age of nine because she was the oldest. Lori had no role-models in her home, and possibly none in her life at all. She learned to become a self-motivated, independent person who appreciated everyone and everything, “I plan to live each day to the fullest, and to do as much as I can because I’m not certain I will be here tomorrow. I have already outlived my mother by twelve years.”
One child, Ryan. Another child, Brendan. A Husband, Chris. A dog, Blake. This is Lori’s family now. “I know how painful and sad it is to have grown up without a mother, so I’ve done everything in my power to be there and to appreciate my family.” “After my mother died, my family became non-affectionate towards each other. We did not tell each other I love you or hug anyone goodbye. This has affected me in my life now.” Lori has had to come a long way in terms of persevering through certain events in her life. “Me and my sisters all put up this wall. My explanation for it is that I was really hurt by my mom’s death. We had resentment towards her for leaving us. It is hard for me to get close to others because I, as well as the others know that if they leave me, that I won’t care, because I know that I will be fine by myself.”
Lori, Christie, and Cynthia: friends for life. These sisters are extremely close, they have grown up to see the beautiful people that each of them have become. They will always be sisters. By growing up together, and relying on one another at such a young age, a wonderful bond has grown. Each of them are able to now hold a steady relationship with one another, as well as with each of the children they have had. The sisters talk to each others children to help in times of need, and to be the voice of reason.
“I wasn’t beaten or abused, but my situation sure did make me a stronger person. I would give anything to have my mom back. Its not permanent damage, I can continue to live my life. I, however, certainly don’t take life for granted.” From the time Lori found out about her mother having ovarian cancer to the time when she was brought up to that room in her house to have a private conversation with her step-dad, she knew that things were going to turn for the worst. “My mother would have wanted me to be the best person I can be. That’s what keeps me going. She isn’t here now, and she wasn’t there then, I had to grow up on my very own. A little girl without her mother, but I know she would have been proud of me.” Lori lost her parent, and with that she chose to rise to the occasion and to take the correct actions that life would require of her to become a better person. To become a better mother. To become a better wife. To become a better sister. To become a better friend. To become a better her.