July

July 2008
Well, lets see. July has been pretty interesting.
Its been about a month since CIY, and I can honestly say, that the fire hasn’t been extinguished. For some reason, I keep seeing that huge auditorium filled with all those glowing flash lights, and hearing the speaker tell us, that each light has a purpose, and that we are all the light of this darkened world. Somehow, that encouraged me, more than anything. God has opened so many doors for me. Not only with breakdown and pure freedom, but with the co-op too. I’m meeting people, and going places, all leading up to where I am supposed to be. Texas.
Mom and Dad have gotten used to the idea I think. They know that things happen in life, and that maybe I won’t be there when I hope to… but still, they aren’t telling me no. Actually, they are for it, if its what God wants… And I firmly believe it is what He wants.
It sounds strange, but every time we take a drive, and I see the vast sky, and the trees stretched over fields, and the hills, and land that God created… I know that I need to leave. It’s like, God is telling me, that if He can make all this…if He can make the rain pour down, and the sun still shine...if He can make a sky so wide, that it covers the whole earth, and if He can make eyes for us to see this beautiful creation; then He can take care of me, and He will get me there. It’s like He is putting a road before me, and just saying “Go”.
It is a strange thing to be in this place. I’ll be turning 17 in a month, and im starting to feel the pull between childhood, and growing up. Today I thought about it, and im not rushing it. There is a time and a place for everything… and so, I shall be grown up, when I have to be. But there’s no rush, so I can dress punk all I want, and who cares!?!?!?! But of course, when I get to college, I’ll probably tame down quite a bit. God has given me 22 months (at least) to spend here. And I’m going to make the best of them. Because as I look at everything around me with more appreciation… I see it all slipping away so fast.
17. That’s a big number. Things are so different from what I thought they would be. I thought that by now, I would have a boyfriend. I thought that by now, things would be just perfect for me. I thought that by now I would be graduated. But, none of that happened. And I’m glad it didn’t. This month, I’ve had a lot of reflection of the past, and a lot of hope for the future. As I see all the things that have happened in my life… I see Jesus there, standing right beside me through everything.
I’ve cried so many times this month…But not so much for the hurt, but for the thankfulness, and for the peace I have. God’s love is overwhelming me, and He has given me a hunger, a thirst for His direction, and guidance, and love. I’m reading my bible every day, and actually delving into it. And it’s just so cool, because I feel like I’m actually doing something for Him.
This month is the beginning of a long journey. I have at least 22 months here in Indiana. And I’m going to rock them out.