I don't know about you, but it seems like I change the way I speak when I'm in different company. When I'm around guys, I'm more direct and crass. When I'm around girls, I'm polite and sometimes beat around the bush. Well an article by Deborah Tannen called "men and Women in Conversation" define this type of speech as ritual speech. Sometimes the words that come out of our mouths are a ritual where the exact meaning is not implied.
For example, I got up to throw something away at the computer lab and a girl came over and took my computer. I said, "I'm sorry, I was using that computer." She responded with an "I'm sorry also" Now I wasn't apologizing for using the computer, it was just a ritual way of saying "hey chick get off my computer before I make you get off." By both apologizes, neither of us has the "one-down position."
A form of this ritual speech exhibited by men could be shown by fighting or deep verbal altercations. Men in the study got in huge fights over a report then acted like it was nothing five minutes later. The study also showed that women seem to hedge when giving criticism while men are more direct in their approach. However, the study came to the conclusion that both men and women love praise. Women and men might praise each other differently, but hey, who's not going to take a well-deserved pat on the back.
I just thought it was so interesting how who we talk to changes the way we speak. When I first read it, I thought "I don't use the phrase 'I'm sorry' in that method" but my experience today proves me wrong. Try thinking about your conversations. Do you use ritual speak?
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I constantly say "I'm sorry" it is just something that always comes out. On the other hand I usaully get a long better with men or brassy women. I think I think along a man's train of thought just as much as a woman's. Sounds odd now that I typed it, but it made sense in my head. As far as ritual speak, I do not know. I always just talk, before I think
Yeah, I do that as well. You can't exactly say the same things to guys that you can to girls. It's odd how we don't think anything of it. While reading that, I realized how much I do that as well. But in all honesty, do you think we want equality? It all sounds good in theory, but girls want to be talked too like girls, and guys pretty much dont want to be talked to like a girl. (Well, some people might enjoy it. Heck I dont know. But thats just a generality statement.)
I agree! When my guy friends start talking about girls, or fights I simply shut up and concentrate on something I am doing. I realized that there are conversations I would not like to be involved in. ---------------------------------------------------
I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
Oi! I say "I'm sorry" too much! sometimes it is annoying. I think I have too much woman in me :-p or maybe I'm just extreme sympathetic. I've always been told I'm "too kind" like it's going to get me in trouble... and it has. My dad yelled at me for saying I'm sorry too much...
I do notice, conversation is different between the sexes... I get in tiffs with my boyfriend alot when I take something he says differently... or vice versa. Males read things differently than females do.
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Ashleymarie Sey DeBondt
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I talk to my girl friends totally different than I talk the boys. With the boys I am more straightforward, with girls I am just a little more gentle, but no to much so. NO WEAPON FORMED WILL PROSPER
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I think I talkt to both girls and guys alike. Perhaps that is because I am really focused on school etc . . and have no want or need for a boyfriend. If it were a male who took my computer I probably would have said the same thing.
Francesca Chambers
I think I talkt to both girls and guys alike. Perhaps that is because I am really focused on school etc . . and have no want or need for a boyfriend. If it were a male who took my computer I probably would have said the same thing.
Francesca Chambers
I actually wondered about that the other day. But I do agree with everything you say. It's just that girls in general (hope I'm not dissing my own kind) get offensive pretty quickly and it works alot better to let it out slowly. And guys get the hint and are over it in an instant.
That's an interesting point. I wonder how it applies to talking online and commenting on blogs (rather then talking in person)?
ooh yeah, someone should do a study on that... especially how we "speak" to peole online when we don't neccesarily know their gender, age, ect. also I wonder what some of the aspects of ritual speak are when dealing with age groups?
I think we tend to speak to people online more openly. We do not judge them on their looks etc.
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I never let my schooling interfere with my education. - Mark Twain
I've always perferred hanging out with guys, because they tend to be more openminded. I have a habit of stating my mind, whether it be that class is boring, I have to pee, or my ass is sore. My guy friends find it hilarious.
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