Tell me who is really ready to get married right now? What's the big rush to be married or to be in love? What's the big deal? My issue for today is marriage. Even though my lifespan has been kinda short,during my lifetime I've had many guys tell me that they love me and I've actually had guys ask me to marry them or ask me to live with them. And the idea of that is so crazy to me because I feel like neither me or these guys are really ready for marriage. So my first question is: Why do some guys feel the need to get married at a young age? But I'm not saying that guys are the only ones that are looking for marriage at an early age, because I know some girls that are like that too. But why would someone want to be married at age age 18 or 19? how can they really say that they are ready for that level of committment? At age 18 or 19, how can you even say that you're truely in love with someone? It's been psychologically proven that people are usually nit really for marriage until after age 20. So what's the rush? I know that we've probably all hvae seen at some point, the couples in high school. These couples plan out their entire lives with each other and they say that they love each other SO much. They plan their marriges, the children that they are going to have, and they plan the time when they are finally going to live together. But these couples hardly ever last !! Their dreams hardly ever happen and if they do end up getting marroed, these relationships usually don't last. The divorce rate for young couples is really high! So why not wait to get married, or wait before saying you decide that you are so helplessly in love with someone? Somebody answer me that!
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Funny thing...
My boyfriend and I have practically planning to get married since we got together (it was a joke at first). We were 16 and 17 then, I think.... Anyway, it was nearly 3 years ago, and we're still planning on it. My boyfriend's roommate and his exgirlfriend got together at the beginning of the school year, about, maybe a month afterwards, and he's planning to propose to her now.
I think it has a lot to do with the way you were raised.
~C
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You say that you and your boyfriend hvae been together for almost three years now and you're planning on getting married, BUT you are not married YET. I've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years and at some point, we may get married (if and when we find that we are actually ready for marriage). But don't just think that because you've been together for so long, that things are going to work out like you plan with your boyfriend. And it has nothing to do with how you are raised!(or at least with me it dosen't)
I don't like pessimistic people. My boyfriend and I have been through so much, and we're still together. We'll likely marry in about 2 1/2 years, maybe as much as 5 1/2 years, due to our schooling.
And I do think it has to do with how you were raised. My boyfriend's culture has a good number of his friends marrying right out of high school. His roommate and ex are probably going to get married, and they're only... 18, I think. My dad has always emphasized that I should be with a guy at least a year before I consider marriage. My mom and dad got married out of college, and that's pretty much what me and my boyfriend intend to do. There are just a few things standing in our way right now. Like the fact we live halfway across the world from one another.
~C
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Being engaged at 19 and getting married at 19 are two different things. For a while my ex and I were seriously considering it. The idea was, we'll be officially engaged after graduation, and if we don't realize that there is some personality glitch we can't stand and we still feel the same, we'll get married after college.
Its still technically a possibility, thing is, he can't stand really long distance relationships. (which makes me jealous of you mvenus) I ended up moving from 20 miles away to over 3000.
I'm rambling, the POINT is that some people can be ready for marriage at a young age. Some high school sweethearts do have successful marriages. It might not be common, but its possible. Personally, I kind of respect any teenager willing to saddle himself to one person before he's gotten the girl pregnant. Then the idea of marriage isn't something forced on them, it was elected.
OMG. . .Finally someone who agrees with me! Marriage is for teh mature and getting married @ 26 is better when you are prepared then 19 when you are " IN LOVE ".
Just so ya know, I'm not pessimistic, I'm usually the person that try the positive light in situations. I'm just being REAL. I've been there, do that! And you say that you and your boyfriend have been through a lot and so have me and my boyfriend and more that likely, what you call "so much" is nothing compared to my relationship! You also said that you and your boyfriend are halfway around the world from each other. Are you saying that he lives in and is from another country? Or are you saying that he is in the military or some other job that requires him to travel? Because that really makes a difference in what type or relationship you are really in.
My relationship has solely been long distance. When we met, I lived in SC and he lived in NY. Then I moved to CO to go to college. Now he's studying abroad in Israel. So he quite literally is halfway around the world from me (well, not really, since halfway around the world would be in the Indian Ocean, and he's only 9 time zones away, but that's close enough...)
I don't pass judgment on your relationship, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't pass judgment on mine.
~C
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my plans are to go to college and what im doing takes 5 years to complete and im thinking about going to a technical school..so im not going to be in no rush and probably dont really care until i get completely done with school...really i think i got more important things to do...dont have the time...and i want to make the big money...
Well sorry for passing judgement on your relationship, but from the beginning was I just saying that most teen relationships don't last til the time of their dream marriage. Maybe you will last, but the stats are built high against you.
I am fully aware that the odds are stacked against us. They are more than stacked against us. There is no logical reason we should be together. But we are. That's not how you were passing judgment on my relationship, though. This is: 'more that likely, what you call "so much" is nothing compared to my relationship!' I have no idea what you have been through, and you have no idea what I've been through, except for the small bit I told you above.
But your blog is not about the failure of teen relationships. It's about teen marriage. You asked how people could possibly think that they were ready for marriage at such a young age, and how many people actually aren't, since the divorce rate is high. I gave you my opinion: I think it has to do with how you were raised. If you are raised with strong parents that EXPECT you to get married at a young age (my boyfriend has said that anyone in his close family should be married by the time they are 23, else they're just weird), and are raised to understand the seriousness of marriage, then it's entirely possible that you will marry young and make it succeed. The fact of the matter is that many marriages, not just young marriages, fail now. And no matter how hard you try to convince people that they shouldn't get married at a young age, they will anyway. Some lessons people just have to learn on their own.
~C
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I know that no matter what I say, people are still gonna get married at whatever age they want to. Like I said before, I'm sorry for passing judgement on you and your relationship. And no, I don't what you have bee through. Maybe I didn't make it clear earlier, but I was apologizing for for passing a false judgement about your relationship. I was just voicing my opinion. I know the stats for divorce rates for both teens and couples in general. Once again sorry :)
I'm sorry as well. I tend to get very mean when I get emotional. So I'm sorry if I offended you. Good luck with your relationship :-).
~C
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i think a lot of the issues that plague couples that get married (young and middle-aged especially...) is that they have this misconception of what love is. love isn't just warm fuzzy feelings and goo-goo-ga-ga eyes. love is an action. feelings follow actions. when then times get rough and people get into arguements, these days, they aren't willing to work through them and stick together. they just decide to get divorced and move on from one person to the next, "falling in and out of love". i mean, highschoolers practice divorce by the continual dating and breaking up. love is hard work! i think that when two people really recognize what love really requires, then they are ready for it. but if they don't, i think it makes for a very hard road that ends in not so fun circumstances.
i hope that makes sense! :o) have a great evening and keep writing!
I know that statistics can be useful in a lot of situations, but case studies are important also. That is why even though the divorce rates are high for young couples, it does not mean than a young couple cant make it through the long run. My cousin's wife married him at 18 and now, 8 years later, they are still happily married with 2 children. You never know. I think though that it does have something to do with experience. Culture plays a part as well. You are less likely to get divorced in a cutlure where that is not an accepted means of a solution.