I know of at least five couples at my high school that are already engaged and plan on getting married soon, like within the next two years or so. I heard some students talking about them the other day and their views clashed with mine altogether. They said it was stupid for a couple to marry so young because they will never last, but I think that that is not true.
Love can come to people at different times, so I don't see why it's such a big deal if someone wants to get married when they are 18 years old. We are capable of making our own decisions at that point and knowing what is right or wrong. I know many couples who got married right out of high school and have been married 50 years! (Including my grandparents). Everyone is saying that you should have a career established first and be financially stable before you even think about getting married. But you know what? Having someone supporting you the whole way can probably make the process a whole lot easier. I know a lot of you will disagree with me and say that it's stupid to get married at a young age, but I really don't see the downside of it.
Sure, you may not be as rich or educated yet, but they sure can get there with time. Why wait four more years if they know they are going to be happy with each other? I can understand if you aren't out of high school yet, because that is usually before you turn 18 and a high school diploma is really big. It can get you into jobs that you don't need a college degree for, but you need some sort of education in you.
So can someone please tell me why getting married at a young age is so bad?
It depends if there is a baby on the way. My parents were married after they graduated college, but they met at 16.
Some people think that it's bad for young people to get married because they don't fully know themselves and are subsequently in no position to share their lives with someone else.
Also, young people have other responsibilities, such as adapting to adulthood through work, college, whatever. Why add marriage to that when it can wait?
I think it's up to the individual, but I can see some of the negative points.
Thanks for taking this stance. Last time we had this discussion I basicaly got attacked and told I was wrong and immature for defending the same position you blogged about. I too believe that having a special someone to help you create your career is important. In fact with someone's love and support, you might go farther faster than you had planned because you feel more confident. At least that is what I have found in my life. My parents are very unsupportive, in fact I just got kicked out of my house, and Im not 18 yet. Im not a bad person, trust me, my parents are just ineffective parents. The point is, my boyfriend has really been there for me through all of this, and he is one of the only people who has been there for me. HE plays a large role in my success.
Well, first, and I know very few teenagers (I consider 19 year olds to be teenagers too, for the record) like to hear this but.. you are now nearing a fuzzy transition in life from being teenagers to being adults. And in that transition, a lot of personal and mental changes take place. Hell, I personally don't think most people understand or have uncovered who they really are until around 25 years old. The next several years of your life are likely to contain some major developments in both of your personalities.
I think there are mature 17 and 18 year olds out there, but that doesn't change the fact that your next several years are likely to contain some very drastic shaping of yourself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
And what might happen is that the two of you won't shape on parallel paths or complementing paths. You can never tell if this will happen for sure or won't happen at all. This to me is the danger of marrying young. It is a risk that is present.
I am not against risks though. I am a progressive activist, after all. It would be silly for me to advocate taking action and protesting if I didn't believe in taking risks. There is a big risk that all of the progressive efforts I do won't make a difference, but there is a chance that it might. And I am willing to take the risk for that chance.
It will eventually be up to you what risks in life you want to take. Choose as wisely as possible, but avoiding risks for risks' sake, in my opinion, is the biggest and most doomed risk to take at all.
Citizen Press Revolution
You keep forgetting that the times back 50 years ago was VERY different when it came to marriage. It was sacred...not like it is today (thanks Britney for your 55 hour drunkass marriage!)
And to debatechick, maybe you got attacked because of the way you put it. Tone of words, kiddo, tone of words.
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity--and I'm not so sure about the universe"
-Albert Einstein
Actually I got attacked because I said that my boyfriend and I are thinking about getting married soon because we have been together a really long time and it would really help out my financial aid package. They said those are the wrong reasons to get married, and I siad, well we were already planning on it when I graduated college, so why not when sooner so that we are not forty thousand in debt when we get married, my parents wont help with college but FASFA is based on the loads of money they make so I have like no financial aid. THAT is why I got attacked (oh and they said I was too young to be worrying about getting married).
I have one word for you: nostalgia. This is one of many commonly repeated quips and sayings that people pass around which fall under another "urban myth" to me.
Marriage is not really that much more sacred then than it is now. While divorces didn't happen that often 50 years ago, there were high levels of alcoholism, for example, among domesticated wives. Not to mention that many husbands and many wives, even back then, weren't faithful either. Also consider the fact that the perspective of why people should be married is different. There was immense pressure back then to get married young and have a family as soon as possible, and personal compability was usually a secondary, if not tertiary concern. Divorce was a taboo, so whatever dice you rolled is what you got. I don't really see this as being sacred. Marriage 50 years ago was more geared towards a compulsory event, preferably the sooner the better. Marriage now is more likely to be geared toward personal compability, finding someone that you want to share your life with, that you feel close to, even a "soul mate", and having lots of babies is something that isn't pressured to happen as soon as possible. This isn't the reason that everyone gets married today, but it is much more likely to be the reason than it ever was 50 years ago. More and more people don't get married right away and this is an expression that marriage is something more unique and special than simply a live-in girlfriend or boyfriend. These sort of attitudes to me is more sacred than the attitude and regard of marriage 50 years ago.
Citizen Press Revolution
In this culture no teenager is commited or responcible enough to have a lasting marrige, hell many adults aren't.
Okay.. so if a couple is willing to make it happen than why not? Im 16, im engaged. I have the only thing in my life, and that is my sweetheart fiance' Maybe you wont work out in a marriage. But you need to have a good attitude towards it firstoff. So try again honeyyy. (:
I agree. I'm 20, going on 21, and my boyfriend is 24. I am still in college. I had a serious boyfriend at age 17 I thought I was going to end up marrying. But we changed. He went to college, I was still in high school, he had different experiences and wanted different things. And when I got to college, I felt the exact same way. We had become two totally different people with different wants and needs, and that's what happens. When you're 18, you're on the threshold of your actual life. In the next 4 or 5 years, things will change so much, your wants will change, your needs, and that includes what you might look for in a mate.
My current boyfriend is a total opposite of the boyfriend I had in high school, and I am a million times happier. Also, I got to date around, meet new people, have flings, I got to form my own idea of what I wanted in a man. It's hard to know if one person is right for you if you've never dated or been with anyone else, or ever been single for that matter.
I do think having a stable job and income also help as you are older. Yes, it may be good to have someone supporting you, but sometimes it's just too much. Trying to live together, be together, work your job around each other, make enough money for what you want, what you need. It leads to fighting, arguments, disagreements, things you aren't able to handle because you don't know how. There is a lot to learn. Jumping into a marriage isn't the best way to go about it. There is no harm in waiting an extra four years or so. My sister got married when she was 27. I probably won't get married for a couple of years, I still want to go to law school.
It is not necessary bad getting married at a young age. But I do not think that you would experience enough out of life to make such a huge commitment. It is better to wait and see. After college would probably be the best time...well at least for me.
Sorry.
BUT..I disagree with you completly! (:
Why does it matter if you are going to college or not?
Love doesnt even have anything to do with college.
I am 16, Im engaged, Getting married soon.
&& I am attending college right now.
[we started dating almost 1 year ago, also, i wasnt going to go to college
but decided i wanted to do nails and hair for funn. so i am doing this part time. ]
My fiance' is working & making $28.50 an hour.
Working as an electrician. He didnt go to college.
And look at him, he is making about $300 a day.
So.. if you guys dont have a reason to not fall in love.
Than do it. Its the best thing everrr! Dont be afraid of it.
The whole idea of waiting til after college is waiting until you've experienced life, had to a chance to grow. And you probably won't listen (I didn't when I was your age), but you will change a lot during the next 5-10 years. And the person you become, even the person he becomes, may change how you feel about him. A lot can happen in 5 years.
~C
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But there are some people at 18 or 19 years old that are just not mature enough to handle a marriage and the responsiblity of being on their own. Then again, there are some who can make it work. I personally think that it depends on the individuals and their relationship and maturity, not their ages.
http://www.progressiveu.org/094124-why-are-people-so-violent-about-sports
I'm a senior in high school and I am practically married to my boyfriend. He has given me a semi-engagement ring, a little more than a promise ring. We plan on getting married within the next 4 years because of my college education, which I so desperately need. We're going to move in together as soon as I turn 18 and he's going to support me (I hope) But I dont see a thing wrong with getting married as long as the two people are in it for the right reasons, LOVE. I dont even think that two people should feel forced to get married because of a child coming into the picture. Marriage is sacred and shouldnt be pushed but it shouldnt be just spontaneous either. I plan on getting married soon. If it weren't for college expenses I would do it the day I turn 18, but I'll wait till I graduate.
I am 17 now and I was 15 when I started to date my boyfriend. i knew at the age of 15 that he was the one for me. And till this day we are still happy and going after 2 and a half years. We have future plans and our marriage already planned out. When you are in love you just know!!! No one can tell you that it is or is not right for you to get married. *K.Parks*
I don't think that having a young, successful marriage has much at all to do with maturity. I was 17 when I got married for the first time. I'd been living on my own and supporting myself for almost 2 years. We had no pressing reason to get married so young (pregnancies, financial reasons, etc.) but we were both very mature and independent. We stayed together for 6 1/2 years and had 2 kids before we finally decided to give it up.
While I don't think it has much to do with maturity, I also think that a person really needs to be a single adult for a while before making that kind of commitment. I don't have any strong views on divorce, so it didn't really bother me that much. Many people don't see it the same way though. My point is this: A person really needs to sample everything on the buffet before they go into a restaurant and order a main dish. Just because you think you can be happy with person you grew up with, that doesn't neccessarily mean you can't be even happier with the one you meet tomorrow.
Single is a state of mind.
Yeah, I think it depends on the people. It depends on if they are ready for marriage or not. Some people are ready for marriage at a younger age than others (and some just think they are). But, if they have the right mind set, as in "we" instead of "me," and are ready in other aspects of their life (i.e. financially), then I don't think it's that big of a deal. While the divorce rate is higher for couples who marry at a younger age, there are some who get married young and stay in a happy marriage for many years...or the rest of their lives.
~pyrochica
I'm 18, and I would like to be married...but, yeah, I have other things to deal with right now, like college. So, I'm waiting till I'm at least 21 (i want to legally have alcohol at my wedding;) ) I might have to wait till I graduate, but we'll see how things go.
~pyrochica
marriage is sacred and should be kept that way. Sex before marriage, living 2gthr before marriage, these are reasons why it has become unsacred. divorce is at a super high rate rite now. its pathetic. sex before marriage, living 2gthr b4 marriage, and divorce are all a sin and back in time they beleived that that is why marriages lasted. you dont have to know if they are good in bed or not b4 you marry them. if you love them your sex life will be wonderful just because you love them.enuf said. im 17 and im hopin to be married b4 a year is up. ive been dating for almost 2 1/2 yrs and ive never had sex, never lived with him. n i love him very much and have no desire to be with any one else.
Well, I'll have been with my boyfriend longer than you when we actually have sex. I'm also 19, and don't plan on getting married for another 2 years at bare minimum. More likely 3 or more. Sex before marriage isn't necessarily a bad thing, especially since there could be plenty of forces that postpone the time that the couple will get married.
Just FYI, divorce wasn't considered a sin until Jesus likened it to adultery. Before that it was recognized as necessary in some cases. It may not have been looked favorably upon, but it wasn't considered a sin.
~C
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I have a question for you: is being unfaithful or sexually assaulting your wife and kids considered to be sacred, even if it is in the lines of marriage?
If there were no constraints holding her back, she could have a) not married him or b) left him, and taken the kids with her.
Not a day passes when I'm not extremely grateful both sides of my grandparents were good people. I pray for those unfortunate enough to have the ones mentioned above. (And I know some of those people.) :(
Nothing is sacred, never has been this century and as far as I can tell, never will be.
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity--and I'm not so sure about the universe"
-Albert Einstein
Ok so i get the whole old fashioned thing--but come on! this is the 21st century!! How do you know it'll last if you havent lived with the guy? And what if the sex sucks? Of course you'll have nothing to compare it to...
there are so many women who just never cared to look for anything else and they missed out...
I'm all for being in love...cause I'm in love myself.
But don't be judgmental. If there's one thing that I'm sure of--sex is not a sin. That's why we are all alive, to have children. And what is wrong with getting a divorce? If you're unhappy in the future I hope you wont think to wait it out for a second. Life is what you make it--and if you go around being unhappy and judging everyone--what's the point?? You just wasted a life.
Cheers to you my friend.
My fiance and I are both under 21---we've been engaged for almost a year and will be getting married in 09. We both graduated high school in 2005 and have been living together since then. We've been dating since 2003. By the time we get married we will have been together for six years---SIX YEARS! my parents got married after only three months when they were 25! To this day, I have yet to meet a married couple who dated for as long as we have before they got married.
Getting married young has a lot of advantages and disadvantages. We fight a lot about what we want for our future--but it just brings us closer. We've never had any financial issues--infact we have zero debt and have enough cash to live in a very nice apartment and pay for our own education.
But that's just us. I think it has a lot to do with who you are and whether or not your secure with yourself and your relationship. If you have a strong relationship and are devoted to each other, than of course it will work out. But so many kids get married for the wrong reasons. Take it from me, don't say yes when he pops the question unless you are absolutely sure you want to spend the rest of your life with that person!
If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend and I will have been together for three years this September, and we're not getting married for at least another two (assuming we can make it that far, which I think we can). So we're looking at a minimum of 5 years, which isn't too far off from your 6.
~C
Visit my blog.
Tell me your secret, because I would LOVE to have no debt lol
"Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity--and I'm not so sure about the universe"
-Albert Einstein
If you are truely in love then go for it. i hate it how all these people say you should wait you have plenty of time. I garentee that these people are just saying that because they ARE having pre-marital sex and if you are some one like me who is waiting til marriage then it's not that easy. I'm not saying that your should get married to have sex but its something you should be able to look forward to. thats my two cents. peace
kevin
I don't see anything wrong with it. If they're in love and want to make that lifelong commitment then all the power to them. However, if there is a baby on the way and they're engaged ONLY BECAUSE of that, I disagree with their decision. Marriage should be based on love, not conception of a child.
"Dancers are instruments, like a piano the choreographer plays." ~George Balanchine
*Tatiana Romanov
THANK YOU!!!!!! I can say for myself, I am 17 (birthday in April) and I AM ENGAGED! I plan on getting married next year (2008) after I graduate high school. I do know of other couples who have gotten married or are getting married this summer actually, for starters the whole education thing and financial thing, I am actually motivated to get done with school and get into the college I plan on attending so I can get things rolling with me and my husband to be. We have been together over 2 years and HE is the one I want to be with. We have been through everything together and I know he is the one for me. He is enlisted in the Army and has many positions in that, (i.e. ranger, special forces, airborne infantry, sniper..) I know it may sound like I am with him for money maybe, but I'm not. When we got together, I was a freshman in high school and he was a junior. He is turning 19 this summer and we are getting married around this time next year. If I was not with him, I would not be where I am today. I have motivation to get an education and a well financed job, regardless of his, because I want to be a great wife who can support a family and a husband. Marriages take two. People tell me all the time 'I have the whole rest of my life ahead of me, why settle?' and they are right, I do have my whole life ahead of me still and I plan on spending that with one man rather than many others and then choosing one. I chose mine. And it takes a lot of faith to be with him. Being a military fiancee was never what I had in mine. It actually wasnt decided until this year he would be in the Army. So yes I have to have strong faith in knowing my Lord and Savior will take care of him and bring him home to me and keep him safe so we can get married next year. Since I chose to follow God, things have been working out with me and him, things are falling into place, very nicely. And for any non believers in a youthful marriage, I lead you to my favorite Bible verse 1 Timothy 4:12. And as far as the living together and dating "to get to know each other" theory, YOU HAVE THE WHOLE REST OF YOUR LIFE TO GET TO KNOW THEM! but, I pretty much know him in and out. Cheers to those who believe love, faith, and trust carry you far.
There is NOTHING wrong with youthful marriage.
It can be bad if it is simply rushed into. Why not give it a little time? I have a boyfriend I've been dating for almost 2 years now and I hope to marry him. I'm in no rush though. I want to go to college first though, simply for personal reasons. Also people mature a lot at this age and could possibly change into someone completely different. So the person you love right now, you might not love them that much later on.
It is easy to have doubts about those who get married young. No matter who you are people will generalize about the maturity level of people in the 17-24 age bracket.
I believe that one of the best ways to know whether or not you and your "significant other" have what it takes to create a lasting marriage is whether or not you've made it through some hard times. At our age most of those in relationships haven't had any... but then again, some of us HAVE.
It all depends on who you are and what you two as a couple have had to endure.
My boyfriend and I met in high school. He was only 16 and I was 18. Im now 21 and he's 19! We really want to get married but understand that their is a lot of responsibilities that go along with it! Neither or us are financially secure and we are both have at least 2 years left of college. It's TUFF!!! But we don't plan on getting married until at least one of us graduates. I wish it was sooner but I understand the reasoning behind waiting. Hopefully we will be officially engaged in about a year!!! Keep ya fingers crossed!!!
First, a lot of people "plan" to get married very soon after college but 9 times out of 10 they don't go through with it as soon as they planned. Out of the 12 couples who were engaged or "planning" right of high school, exactly 1, I repeat, 1 of those couples got married, they have been married over a year and going very strong.
For those couples who actually get married right out of high school (and not because of accidental pregnancy, that is a whole different ballgame) most of them really have thought it out. Not many teenagers who aren't truly ready for marriage and "plan" to get married soon actually have the nerve to go through with it. It takes a lot of responsibility to get the license and get all the aspects taking care of, plus depending on age and laws you may need parental support and most certainly friends have an influence on the situation.
Are they too young to thing about marriage? No, it is natural to talk about marriage even when it isn't a guarantee. That is society for you. It isn't a big deal to talk about it or even "plan" it all out. If it should happen it will happen. Trust me, if they have no hope of lasting then there is a good chance a friend, parent or one of the people in the relationship will let it be known before it becomes official.
On a final note: Everyone is individual. It has very little to do with maturity. I know some couples who are very immature who are very happily married. They are compatible. They learned how marriage works and made it work for them. Don't judge.
Think about it...
http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/tomorrowtoday
I am 17 years old and I am engaged. I believe that it is truly the best for me and my fiance. We are both mature enough to handle the obstacles that lie ahead of us. I am still furthering my education and I have been accepted to a very good school. Just because I am getting married, does not mean that I can not go to school. To me it is not bad that I want to get married or that some of your classmates are getting married. As long as it is what they want. No one can make that decision for them. Only they can. Be proud that you asked these things and don't be ashamed that you find it okay to get married at a early age. I too had many obstacles to overcome after I announced that I was getting married. They will have them too. But it's their decision to make just like it was mine.
I don't think getting married at a young age is a bad thing. If the couple is really in love and wants to then that is great. people mainly worry because they are so young and they feel that it is a dumb decision to make at a younger age because people feel as though since they are young and "stupid" that it probably won't work out. But look at the divorce rate. People don't seem to want to work out a marriage. That is the problem and that is amoung all ages. If both couples don't work together then it won't work. If one if unfaithful then you really can't help their choice. People of all ages commit before they are ready and this ends up in disaster. It shouldn't be limited to people that are younger.
Honestly-- love happens && there is not a right or wrong kind of love! People love things that we may have never thought we;d ever love. We cant always help who or what we love. Love is a crazy thing! I am16 and I am engaged. But also; I am attending college at this age too, and if I had never met my fiance' I dont think I would be attending college, and I dont think I would be where I am today. He is perfect and helped me make me who I am. I get laughed at for being engaged, and getting married next summer. But I just laugh it off, I dont care! It only matters if we are happy! Right? Yes, that is why i am. I may not be much help. But just speak out and tell what you really think. IF anyone has any questions email me at..
Thanks guys.
Have a great day! :)
I am 18 years old, I got married to my wonderful husband when i was 17, and we have been together for three years. Some people might say that i was too young to get married, but i don't think so, i was, and am still, very in love. i could never imagine starting my life over with someone new, i don't think that marriage is the right option for everyone, but i do think its a choice that you have to make for yourself. i realize that many adults, and even other teenagers warn against marriage at a young age, but those are mostly people who have seen or been through a divorce. honestly i think that those people are just being bitter, because i can really say that even if my husband left me now, i would never tell anyone not to get married or fall in love. these three years have been the best of my young life. when i got married i was so ready to be a wife, and now me and my husband are already talking about starting our own little family, and at the age of 18 i am ready to be a mother. it all just depends on the person, if you think you are ready and you feel like your partner is as committed as you are then i say just do it and see where it takes you. i was also still in high school when i got married, but i still finished, actually, i finished a semester early, and got my diploma!