My parents have always had an open mind. They raised me to think for myself and live life to the fullest. When I reached the age that I begin to spend less time at home and out with my friends, I was not given a curfew, they only told me, "We trust you. We know you won’t do anything to mess up your future." Knowing I had their trust, made me feel as if they had given me something not many people had. They always told me I could talk to them about anything, and I did. Some people feel they can’t talk to their parents for fear of getting into trouble. My parents were open about their experiences. My father was a hippy, so he did a lot of crazy stuff. When we had parties, I was permitted to drink. Their philosophy is that they rather their child do stuff in the house where they can be monitored. My parents asked me if I had experimented with drugs, I told them no, which was the truth. They told me they had no problem with me experimenting with marijuana, but didn’t approve to harder things like heroin, because other relatives had been addicted and one died.
My grandmother had a problem with my parents idea of parenting. She felt that I should not be allowed to drink and should have a curfew of 10pm. She was a strong believer that alcohol could led to other drugs. She was worried I would get pregnant or something worse. She thought my parents view was a big mistake
I love my grandmother, but I disagree with her. I never did drugs. I was always on the honor roll in school. I am in college and have even received academic awards. I have never been in trouble with the law. I had fun in my teenage year, and grew into adulthood with my parent’s trust still intact. They never question my decisions, and support me in everything I do. They know I will not do anything to ruin my life. I think that the way my parents raised me was the way to go. They gave me their trust and I never lost it. We communicated and they talked to me about their mistakes, which I believed kept me from making similar mistakes. I have had friends who wish their parents trusted them.
What do you think? Do you think this is a good approach to parenting? For the parents, do you trust your children? To the children, Do you want your parents trust? If you have it, would you intentionally do something to have it taken away?
Your parents' way of raising you is exactly how I wish my parents had raised me. My parents were pretty liberal and open-minded when it came to other people's kids and other families, but when it came to me and my brother and sister, they were always pretty strict. If I did anything that could be deemed irresponsible, I would recieve a whole lecture. I feared what my parents would do if I were to do anything of which they didn't approve so during high school, I was always called a "goodie-goodie." This year, my first year on my own, I moved to Texas from North Carolina. One of the first nights I was here, my roommates asked if I would ever consider drinking. (I had told them before that I had never drank alcohol.) I said, as soon as my parents left I would love to get drunk. We did just that. The night after my parents flew back to North Carolina, we invited some guys over and I had my first experience of getting drunk. I ended up making out with this guy who was high who I would never have kissed if I was sober. It was the definition of rebellion, and I believe that too many kids go though the same experience because of their strict parents. I now feel like I have to lie to my parents about what I'm doing if I ever go to a party or have guys over. I don't think that this is a healthy relationship and I wouldn't reccomend it to any parents.
ShAiNa
When I would go out with friends and they would ask "What time do you have to be in?" I would say
"whenever I feel." They would say "your parents are so kool, I wish mine were like that. My curfew is at 12am." Then they would procede to stay out until 2am. These same friends got into all kinds of trouble. They said it was because lack of freedom. They have told me that the reason they did the "bad" things were because they felt their parents expected them to do it anyway. They felt that their parents didnt trust them enough to do the right thing.
Why would any parent want to push their kids to that point?
Yeah, I think that's a good way of raising kids. My parent's are sort of between the two. They trust me to some extent...but not as much as I wish they did. They don't even like me driving alone at night because they think I'm gonna get killed by a drunk driver...so, what difference is it going to make if someone is w/ me accept that they could die in the accident, and if I lived I would have to live with the guilt. My parents don't really care if I drink, as long as I do it in moderation. They've never really given me a curfew either, but the expect me to be home at a "reasonable" time. And, they don't want me to date. But, obviously I want to...so, hello rebellion. For some reason, I've almost never felt like I could really trust or confide in them. In fact, I am afraid to tell them some things because I am almost certain that they'd react in a negative way. It's weird because they are really strict about some things and not so strict about others. I never know what to expect...well, in some cases I know to expect a no. And, if it's something I really want to do, like date, just saying no is not a good idea. I think parents should be open to communicate and compromise.
~pyrochica
I think communication betwen parent and child is very important. I think that is the main reason I knew that no matter what mistake I made in life my parents would be there to support me. I also knew where they stood on things and the mistakes they have made and want me to avoid. But at the same time allowing me to make mistakes. Which I have to say have not been many. Not BIG ones any way.