I'm 17 years old and still a virgin. Not because I believe that girls should wait until marriage to have sex, although I don't think girls should throw themselves at anything that says "Hey, sup?" which in some sad instances is the case. I look back at situations where I may have been tempted, but never went farther than I should've. I'm thankful that I'm a virgin right now as 90% of my closest friends are not and have broken up with their significant others after college acceptance letters were received. I think sex is a big deal, most definitely. I would like to claim I don't envy Ariel and the Prince in The Little Mermaid for making love seem so beautiful. But in reality, what is love and what's its connection to teenage hormonally-fueled sex? I know that the only feeling close to "love" I've experienced in high school is lust and infatuation (both of which failed miserably). I'm not going to say everyone should wait until they're 30 years old and getting married, that's completely unrealistic. I'm also not saying that everyone should sleep with someone different and have random hookups every weekend only to be talked about the following Monday by the guy/girl that he/she engaged in intimacy with.
But what would you do if that random hookup ended in a child? Buy a Baby Name book, or locate to the nearest abortion clinic? Hide the baby-bump under oversized clothes, or have your boyfriend/girlfriend hold your hand while you made a decision that could never be taken back?
As a senior in high school in an urban setting I've seen many girls at my school get pregnant and either have the child or have an abortion. I can't say what I would do if I was to get pregnant in high school, or even college. It's something I'd love to say I knew what I would do, but I really have no idea. There are so many reasons for an abortion, and there are so many reasons to give birth to the child (either to give it a nice life or give the gift of a child to another couple who truly deserves the child). It's not a black-and-white topic by any means. What if I was raped and impregnated? What if I found out that my child was going to die immediately after birth, or live a severely traumatic life due to illness, et cetera? What if I was in college, almost ready to graduate, and had a great boyfriend, but it just out-right was not the right time for me to have a child and I knew the child wouldn't have the best life that he/she deserved?
Those are all scenarios that I think of whenever I try to think of myself having an abortion. It's situational. It's a decision no one should have to make, but it's reality that some people do have to make it and I think that there are some people who definitely need to choose abortion over having a child and neglecting him/her.
Who has the right to choose to have a child? Whoever is carrying the child. If a man was carrying the child, do you really think any white, middle-aged business men would be saying, "No! You cannot end a life that is not yours!" If these politicians are so uptight about abortion, maybe they should learn that it takes two to tango and learn about birth control...or better yet, self control!
One of my closest friends during sophomore year found out she was pregnant and confided in me. She had also recently confided in me that her boyfriend was abusive towards her. I told her that she needed to do what she thought was right, but that I would definitely support her if she wanted to get an abortion. She miscarried the day before we were going to go to the clinic. She said it was a blessing in disguise, although she was distraught and traumatized by the situation at such a young age. I asked her how it had happened, she merely shrugged and told me that a few times they didn't use protection but they didn't think it was a big deal. I was shocked that someone as intelligent as my friend could be so clueless...
Being on birth control in this day and age doesn't mean you're promiscuous at all like it might have some odd years ago. Freshman year in the locker room during tennis practice I remember all the girls talking about how their mothers had put them on the pill to help with their cramps and just in case they found themselves in a compromising position. The benefits of being on the pill for me have been immensely pleasurable. I don't have to worry about acne, cramps, or getting pregnant! Oh how awful it would be to sit in class with cramps and a zit!
...Oh and there's the whole not getting pregnant as a teenager and having to choose between stunting the growth of my life and becoming a young mother or going through an abortion aspect of it as well!
I'm not a far left liberal, nor am I a far right conservative. I know what I believe and I like what I believe. Though sometimes I'm slightly confused by other people's views, I accept them completely. I've never been able to have a discussion with any of my friends, as a majority of them fall on the far right side of the political fence, so what do you think about abortions being legal and/or illegal?
I think you wrote a great post!
We were just having a conversation about this at school today. I said, I don't agree with abortion, but I DO believe that there are times in which it might be the only "good" option. If I were raped, would I want a constant reminder of that? Probably not, I wouldn't treat my child the same.
I am extremely opininated about pregnancy. (This goes for all people, not just teens), I made up the saying, "In order to have a better society, we need to create a better society". If I were to become pregnant, I would expect the father to be involved throughout my childs life. I am 18 and a virgin, but at one point, i had a serious BF, and we were concidering having sex. We looked up information on forms of birth control, and planned on using both the shot, and a condom. We talked about what we would do if I were to end up pregnant. And we discussed what we would expect from each other.
I believe that everybody should strive to have the "perfect" child. This doesn't mean that you have to smother them, but that everyone should try to create the most informed, self aware, positive, healthy, mentally healthy child they can. (No child should be the same, but there are certain guidelines everyone should follow: no abuse, acceptance, etc)
If I were to become pregnant, I would drop everything to care for this child, because it's my responsibility. I want to start caring for my child from the moment I know I am pregant. That means Dr.s visits, reading to my belly, etc etc. I will eat healthy, stay away from smokers, and learn everything I possibly can on the subject.
These are just my views, but thanks for writing such a great blog, I'm glad I read it and had an oppoutunity to comment.
Thanks for your input and reply!
I completely admire everything that you said and respect everything you said, as well. I was shocked about how you said that you and your serious boyfriend handled things while talking about engaging in sex, shocked in a good way of course. You're obviously very mature and responsible, and in my opinion you would be a great mother (young or old).
I think my issue with abortion is that some teenagers who get pregnant aren't nearly as responsible and mature as you blatantly are, and that's why I'm definitely pro-abortion. Had my friend had her child, her life would definitely not be the same and her boyfriend wouldn't have supported her had she got pregnant. If someone knows they're not going to be able to support their child, then I think they should be able to receive an abortion and have every right to.
I really do appreciate your input and admire your dedication =]
Ah, this is the way all blogs should be written!
For the most part, I agree with Robin. Legally, I believe that abortion should be a special-circumstances operation only.
The truth is, I really want to have a baby.
It's not just practical right now though. First of all, I don't have the financial ability to take care of a child. My career isn't stable yet, and worse still I'm not married yet. So... someday!
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~ Raven
STAND for SOMETHING.
A whole lot of the time, arguments against abortion come down to "Everyone should do what I believe!" which, as a matter of fact, is impossible. Not every person believes in a god or the Bible. Instead of working to educate and prevent pregnancy with birth control, a lot of people who are anti-abortion will just say, "Don't have sex. There. Problem solved. Now you will never get pregnant. That's why abstinence has a 0% failure rate! Plus you'll never get diseases! And God will love you and you'll never be sad! Win!"
Except real life doesn't often work that way. Most people will eventually have sex and they won't be married when they do. And unfortunately, not educating people about safe sex practices means that when abstinence-only kids eventually DO have sex, they are very unlikely to use birth control and condoms. So they're more likely to get a disease and to get pregnant, which means that the abstinence-only advocates get to turn these kids into examples. "See! We're right. If you have sex, then you'll get pregnant and diseased, just like them!"
People are just unwilling to budge and consider any choice other than their own as valid.
I agree with you on educating young people about sex.
I've been raised in Texas in a highly conservative atmosphere and have never been taught about safe sex except from my mom, which I'm thankful for. It's scary to me to hear girls at school asking questions in Biology about positions to have sex in so they won't get pregnant. You have two options: don't have any sex at all, or use a condom and birth control. Plain and simple. When there are even ads for birth control in magazines teenagers read, it's too obvious what your choices are. There's no excuse to have unprotected sex anymore.
You're right: absolutely every person should have protected sex. But one of the other issues contributed by abstinence-only is its emphasis on purity. If you have accessible condoms before you have sex, that means you planned to have sex. Whereas if you didn't have condoms, then you just got "caught up in passion". You can write it off as one time thing and swear you didn't mean to, it was an accident, you just got carried away. You can say you'll never, ever do it again and then you're pure again. Plus, if a parent finds a condom in your room or your purse, it's even worse.
You're right that everyone who has sex should have protected sex. But it can't necessarily be written off only as stupid people doing stupid things. There's a lot of cultural reasons why people (teens and young adult, primarily) have unprotected sex and it mostly boils down to an intense fear of sex instilled into them by the people (parents, family, church, school) who are supposed to be guiding them and looking out for their best interests. A really interesting study came out recently about Dutch teens who don't have the "don't have sex ever or you'll be dirty forever" cultural expectations that American teens do. Turns out Dutch teens are far less likely to get pregnant, need abortions, or contract sexual diseases.
i don't believe that any person should be able to tell someone what to do with their body. i don't agree with abortion but im not going to tell someone they shouldn't. I do find it suprising though, with the availibility of free birth control and the morning after pill for bad situations, that women are still faced with this at such an alarming rate. love the post, very well written :)
I don't agree with abortion either and I don't support it's legality. there are many moral choices that must be left up to the individuals making them, but when a moral choice tramples upon another's rights (the rights of the unborn in this case), than that person must not be permitted to make that moral choice. If everybody was allowed to make their own moral decisions that adversely affect or kill another person than we would all be in fear for our lives and property and our society would break down into anarchy.
One thing I definitely do not believe is that abortion should be a special circumstance option. If you had asked me two years ago, I would have agreed with you completely, but the law is not "special circumstance". We cannot create laws that are not black-and-white; the contrversies would be endless.
Personally, I could never have an abortion. Ever. Is it becuase I'm strong enough to deal with my decisions, or is it because I'm too weak to deal with the decision to have an abortion? I do not really know. What I do know is that it is safest to avoid having to make the decision at all.
One thing I definitely do not believe is that abortion should be a special circumstance option. If you had asked me two years ago, I would have agreed with you completely, but the law is not "special circumstance". We cannot create laws that are not black-and-white; the contrversies would be endless.
Personally, I could never have an abortion. Ever. Is it becuase I'm strong enough to deal with my decisions, or is it because I'm too weak to deal with the decision to have an abortion? I do not really know. What I do know is that it is safest to avoid having to make the decision at all.