As AP tests are fast approaching, I find it extremely hard to push myself to study, to keep running, metaphorically speaking. The drive to do well in school is diminishing, and I'm not sure why.
Maybe it's because I have already been accepted into the college of my choice. Maybe it's because I picked a college that doesn't necessarily have as much pressure as the UC schools my friends are going to, so maybe that makes it a little easier to put things on the back burner.
But I can't afford to do that! (Literally, and Metaphorically speaking.) My scholarship is mostly based on my ACT score and my overall, unweighted GPA. And if I lose that scholarship, it might not be the end of the world, but it will force me to work nearly three times harder over the summer and throughout the school year. And, I know that deep in my heart of hearts, I absolutely love learning. I enjoy learning new facts and expanding my mind to new ideas. If I were to let myself just coast by, to let myself refuse to learn, I can barely imagine what I'd be giving up.
Because, learning is the key to progression. And personally, I feel that progress in all aspects of life is essential to the purpose of life. Whether that progress is literal or figurative, emotional, spiritual, physical, academic, or a combination of the above, we as humans must progress. We must allow ourselves to be enriched by the world around us in order to better understand it and the people we share it with.
But why is it so hard? I suppose, if it were easy, it wouldn't be progress. It is relatively easy to remain stagnant, like a puddle, a fermenting cup of water, but it is harder to be a river, to push along, to move things, to change course and come back again all in a lifetime.
Perhaps it's because I'm lazy. Which would explain why human kind would naturally progress into this state of senioritis. Because...it is a little difficult to live your life constantly trying to progress, constantly trying to prepare yourself for the next stage. And this attitude of "I just don't care anymore" is exactly what is getting us into trouble. When the educated stop caring, then progress stops, and the real change you want can't come about. Maybe this is why we have so much trouble decreasing our dependence on oil or pulling out of the war- because after a certain point, it becomes very hard to keep progressing, to keep toiling on for the sake of making life better. To me, it seems as if it would be very hard to maintain ones devotion to a campaign eternally, especially if no results are coming around yet.
No! I will not allow myself to give into this temptation. I will not allow it to consume me, to stop me now, and to fill me with regret later. I will keep going, because I know what I want, and I know how to get it.
This is why...i'm finishing my post now, and going to work on my homework.
Burn out! That's your problem. The AP's are so much work, they're at the end of the year, and you're just too tired to keep going!
Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.