CAKE
I saw a promo on television the other night for a new show starring Heather Graham called “Emily’s Reasons Why Not”. It made me wonder what had happened to make Graham forgo a lucrative movie career for a TV show. Granted, she has not done anything worthwhile since Bowfinger, but she is so cute and likeable I figured she would eventually do something palatable once more. Well folks, I figured out what happened to her career…. the movie “Cake“. This movie is another one of those chick flicks with a quirky female lead that has to choose between two men. Honestly, I would have rather watched her butcher an Irish accent in “From Hell” once more than continue to watch this giant sack of crap. At least “From Hell” had Johnny Depp, in “Cake” the only male lead worth mentioning is Taye Diggs, and we all know what a wonderful actor he is (insert sarcasm here). My advice to Heather? Get a new agent, leave the chick flicks to Meg Ryan, and never, ever, EVER star in a movie with Sandra Oh again. Man, she bugs me!
BROKEN FLOWERS
What can I say? Bill Murray rocks! I wanted to see this movie so very badly, but I don’t ever recall it hitting the theaters anywhere near the Podunk town in which I live. All the worse for us, as this is a very enjoyable movie with Bill at his dry, witty, and soulful best. As a man who is a sworn bachelor, Don Johnston (Murray) gets dumped by his latest conquest (Julie Delpy). One day, he receives an anonymous letter containing knowledge of a son who may be looking for him. Thus ensues a search through his past and a few run-ins with ex-girlfriends to find the mother of this phantom son. Great performances all around, especially by Sharon Stone and the luminous Tilda Swinton (Constantine) who star as two of his former flames.
SAW II
Jigsaw is back. Everyone’s favorite sicko locks some unlucky people up and they must escape before they suck in too much nerve gas and die a slow painful death. Too bad for them - the building they are in is set up with more booby traps than an Egyptian tomb. Where is Indiana Jones when you need him? Bottom line… the title of this movie says it all. I was about to saw my own arm off just to get this waste of time over with. I was so disgusted with this film that I actually contemplated watching another one of Rob Zombie’s disastrous attempts at filmmaking just to cure the mind numbing boredom. Oh, and one more thing… Donnie - leave the acting to brother Mark. Go set another fire at the Seelbach - that was MUCH more entertaining.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE
Does Keira Knightley remind anyone else of Winona Ryder? Anyway, I was livid to hear that they were redoing this movie after the glorious BBC version starring Colin Firth (dreamy sigh). I was even more livid after watching this expensive peace of trash. Jane Austen must be screaming from her grave. Knightly stars as Elizabeth Bennet, who is witty and pretty, but poor. Enter Mark Darcy (dreamy sigh), the rich man who falls in love with her despite his pride and the prejudice of high society Georgian England. Darcy is played horrifically by Matthew MacFadyen. He is nothing compared to Firth, and just watching him butcher this roll made me want to stab myself in the heart with the DVD remote. What a load of utter rubbish this so called movie is - go out RIGHT NOW and rent, buy, or steal the BBC version. After watching it, you will more than willingly join me as I lynch the idiot who gave the green light for this project.
ELIZABETHTOWN
Thank the gods of the silver screen we have another movie starring Kirsten Dunst as a quirky, cute, unattainable woman who makes men go gaga over her. Pa-lease! The only saving grace about this movie is the cinematography. Versailles is gorgeous in it, and even though portrayed as Elizabethtown, it never looked lovelier than it did in this movie. Orlando Bloom does a decent job convincing us that he has an American accent, and also does a rather fine acting job. His pain at losing his father, and the amusement he feels at the inhabitants of his father’s boyhood home are believable. All goes well in this film, even with the chiclets-teeth having Dunst annoying you, until Susan Sarandon enters the picture as Bloom’s mother. Every time you see her on screen she is suppose to be doing something so outrageous and dingy you are suppose to laugh. Unfortunately you don’t. She ruins the movie. So does Dunst. What was Cameron Crowe thinking?
WAITING
Low brow humor and silly gags abound in this film starring Justin Long. The setting for the film is a family owned restaurant and the events that transpire over the course of one day. Dean (Long) is upset that he is wasting his life by working in a restaurant while everyone else he knows is succeeding in life. Despite the self pity of the main character, the rest of the film works because of the antics of his staff. Although not an intelligent comedy, it has many laugh out loud moments and should be watched without great expectations as it’s sole purpose is to entertain. It accomplished this easily, and comes recommended as a Saturday night “beer and chips with your buddies” movie.
GET RICH OR DIE TRYIN’
Fifty Cent is an egomaniac, and this film does nothing but glorify his supposed genius. Curtis Jackson (50 Cent) is a thug who plays a thug in a story based upon his gangsta turned millionaire life. I do not condone turning criminals into role models, nor do I condone Hollywerid making movies of crap caliper - yet they do it everyday and succeed once again with this movie. To make a long story short, he gets rich folks. VERY RICH, and he do not die. With that said, I will say this: Fifty Cent scares me. He looks like he could use you as a toothpick. So, if anyone asks, I was forced at gunpoint to call him a thug and an egomaniac. If anyone needs me I will be hiding out in Uzbekistan.
THE WEATHERMAN
Dave Spritz (Nicholas Cage) is a weatherman in Chicago who has a love/hate relationship with his viewers. His father is dying, his kids are dimwits, and his ex-wife is a basket case. The real dilemma he faces in this movie is whether to move to New York and pursue his dream job or stay in Chicago and try to mend the family. Personally I miss the Nick Cage from “Valley Girl” and “Raising Arizona”. Nick Cage the action hero made me want to vomit. Nick Cage the serious actor was a bad joke. What happened to the fun, humorous, self loathing Nick Cage who was not married to a waitress, a “Medium”, or a tone deaf Presley? He gets close in this, but don’t light up the cigars yet.
I was disappointed in the new P&P but I put the blame on the director. A lingering shot of a pig's testicles? Where was the whole Wickam subplot?? Why make Jane and Elizabeth as silly and frivolous as the other sisters? Matthew Macfadyen is actually a very talented actor if you see his other work. But they obviously were trying to make some sort of very odd P&P Wuthering Heights hybrid and just threw an amazing book right out the window. .
One note - Darcy's first name is Fitzwilliam. It is Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones' Diary.
HOLY COW YOU ARE RIGHT!
I blame that little Darcy typo on mine and Helen Feilding's Colin Firth fixation. ESP. since Colin was in both BJ movies and P&P.
On the Matthew Macfadyen, nothing against him really, I actually liked him very much in THE WAY WE LIVE NOW - he is just not Darcy.
And yes, I agree with the WH comment. They really made the film a bit gloomy - and furthermore, I am wondering when I will see a good adaptation of Wuthering Heights in the future. If they can make LOTR, SURELY they can make a palatable Wuthering Heights (sans Ralf Fiennes and Juliet Binoche).