Who am I?

Often, I find it hard to describe myself. It’s ironic that my final exam would require an essay about me. So who am I? I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, and a sister, an activist, a naturalist, a feminist and an Atheist. However, it all comes down to one thing: I am a woman.I grew up in a devout Christian family. At about the age of ten I was kicked out of Sunday school and never made my communion. By twelve I refused to go to church. The whole time I felt as if I never belonged and yet I wanted to so badly. My grandmother started to look down at me. Telling things like, “you’re going to hell, just like your mother.” For the most part, I grew up without my parents, my father being a drunk and my mother having to work to support me and my sister. I didn’t know any better for a very long time. To me, this was normal. As I got older I realized, this isn’t normal and in fact it’s pretty dysfunctional. This is about the time my quest for a “good” family came about. My grandmother forced my father to be a father for a few years. She would make him take care of us while he wasn’t working. I got to see the unpleasant side of my father. He would often take us to the beach, park or a drive in movie. Not really to spend time with his children but to drink and watch women and they walked by. This is about the time I became a feminist. I’m very sure my father is at the root of my feminism.The turmoil between me and my grandmother rose to a new high with every year I became older. The more we fought, the less I wanted to be anything like her. With every argument she had a new bible quote to throw at me. I learned them quickly. Her behavior motivated me to learn more about the bible. I picked up the book and read it. I couldn’t get though the entire thing. The stories were sad and full of death and punishment. It just wasn’t what I wanted to read.It’s now August 2000; I’m in church reading a passage from the bible at my grandmother’s funeral. This was my turning point. For so many years I didn’t even know who I was. For so many years I thought I’d be happy if I could just follow the rules, be the way my grandmother wanted me to be. I was no where near happy. Instead, I was lost and confused. I didn’t know who I could talk to about what I was feeling inside because I knew that it would upset all the members of my family if I told them. Knowing this, I turned on my computer and searched out an answer.This is when I found out who I really was. For days I went in chat rooms talking about what I felt. Believe it or not strangers supported me. They helped me realize that what I was feeling was normal and they asked me questions I had never thought of before. I answered all of them honestly. That’s when someone asked me, “Do you believe in God?” I was taken back by this question, so I sat and thought for three whole days, “Do I?”So I sat and thought, and thought, and I thought about everything that has ever happened in my life. Thinking about the bible, and all I know about being religious, at least in Christianity. Looking back on my life made me realize, I don’t believe in God. I don’t believe in any god or goddess. In fact, I am in love with nature and life without gods.I realized that what I had been doing all these years is trying to go against who I was. Trying to be like everyone else and make someone else happy. Once I realized this, I was finally free. The world became so much clearer. My goals had a path. Finally, I have stopped denying me.So now when someone asks me who I am I tell them this: Hello, my name is Yvette and I am a mother of two, who loves her family very much and would do anything for them. Who also wants equality for women and men, freedom from and for religion, with a love for nature.