The search for my real mom

Have you ever felt alone? Did someone make you feel that way. Somebody made feel alone. They betrayed me with everything I had to offer. The person used me until I wanted to use myself. If you have read my other blogs then you know I am a God fearing woman I believe. The only reason I am here today is because of a higher power. If it is was up to me I would of died back in May with my friend that committed suicide. Being on God side I no longer feel alone, I have the strength of his guidance.
I was talking to a friend about some of my trials and tribulations. He almost broke out in tears and asked me how do I stay strong. I had to take a deep breath to explain. It has been a long road. A very long road. This is the first time I will really go in depth about my mother and I relationship. I could of wrote it anytime but I think i need to share this with someone that is hurting just like me.
When I was six years old I found out my mother was a heroin addict. I only knew what it was because of the fact I saw it in a D.A.R.E book when I was a kid. My mom would not actually ever talk to me about her addiction. She did take me to Al-anon it was the only local program to help treat her condition. I could never talk about this because I did not understand the purpose of if it in my life. I have discovered now why it is so important. I could not be the only one in this world with a dysfunctional family. If you do have a sideshow family family please me some comments. Please help me heal this pain. I do not want to cry anymore feeling like I am the only one in this world that was raised by a psycho parent.
I was just a kid. I did not deserve to not be fed. I did not deserve to have to sleep in my apartment lobby because my mom would take my keys. I did not deserve her making me feel like I could never amount to anything. When I know I can be more than she ever dreamed of. She goes to work everyday wiping old people butts and hating her life. I can appreciate that I a woman in development. I can bot be perfect. One thing I have not done is chose street drugs in my life. I will never refuse to feed my child. I would not put him on the curb for no one. My mother took my diary when I was a teenager and told the whole neighborhood and all my relatives about my diary. As if I do not have rights. She told everybody when I started my first period, she told my crushed and made them public, I was mortified.I hope that some body else can help me know and help other isolated individuals know that there are some screwed up parents in this world.
The important thing is we are all here to do something better and be leaders of the future.

[1] http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20070928/sc_livescience/whywomenworr...

[2] http://www.livescience.com/health/061208_gender_grammar.html