Shoot 'Em Up: The Glory of Pointless Violence

Yesterday, I saw the greatest movie of our generation: Shoot 'Em Up. It
had no character development, corny dialogue, and absolutely no
plot, "thin as tissue paper" as one critic called it. But not once did
that bother me.

Clive Owen has no past, we never know his real name (goes by Smith),
and hates just about everything, except a hooker and a baby who he
named Oliver (he liked the book). Paul Giamatti has a seemingly
inexpendible amount of men to throw at Smith, and has to keephis unknowing wife on hold while he does it.

But screw that. The gun fights were fuckin' awesome.
That, my friends,
is all you need to know. I mean, Smith's first kill is jamming a carrot
into a man's mouth, than punching it through the guy's skull. Oh, and
don't forget his one-liner: "Eat your vegetables". He shoots down
people while screwing Monica Bellucci, "Talk about shooting your load",
crashes
his car into another so he can fly through his own windsheild,
through their's, and gun down all 6 people in the other car, "So much
for wearing your seatbelt", he flies through the air at 4,000 feet
shooting and making another guy fall onto a helicopter... Ahhh, so much
awesomeness.

In fact, that same critic, hereby named Dustin Rowles,
worded the movie as a whole better than I ever could: "the movie is
completely moronic, painfully loud, and unbelievably awesome."

But
what the hell? Is there something wrong with me that so much blood and
violence can excite me so? Probably. Do I care? Not in the least. I am
a product of the movie industry when it comes to violence; however, I
can appreciate the originality of the violence. This movie was
beautifully filmed, exquisitely edited, and well, just carrotly cool.

In short: Violence rocks...when it happens to no-name bad guys who deserve it in a supremely badass way.