Slapped down to the ground. She moans to loud. She is not supposed to make a sound. Two black eyes created on her face. Her body is slammed up against the cold, hard, thin apartment wall. Limply her body falls. Then she is lifted into the air. Not by her waist but by her neck. He says “My hands around your neck will make you run out of breath, but you still have to love me.” Squeezes her neck until she passes out cold. Then he drops her back on the ground. She is left in a pool of her own blood.
She later wakes up to find it is night time. She was knocked out through the day time. She is covered with her own blood .She keeps saying that she is going to leave him. She has been saying that for 5 years. She gets confused sometimes. She wants to leave him but she loves him so much. Friends, family and others say “how can you love that monster”. “You need to leave him.” But she must stay with him. No one can understand him like she does. He has an anger problem but who doesn’t? He will change one day. He really is a good person if you get to know him. He would not be able to function without her.
That bit**! She knows better! Why would she try to come out of the house looking like that? A skirt that shows her legs and a t-shirt that shows her figure. She is supposed to cover her skin from head to toe. She was going to the grocery store. Not the strip club. Who was she trying to impress? That’s why he had to put her in her place. He loves her but dang! She is so hard headed. She can’t warm his side of the bed right. She takes forever to cook. When she runs him a bath, it’s never hot, it always warm. When he goes to the bathroom she can never hold his thing right so he can aim in the toilet. Cleaning is a task for her. She has to clean the house once, get beat , and then go clean up what she did not clean up right the first time. What was he going to do with her?
Guilt started getting to his heart and mind. He did kind of beat her badly. Maybe he could make it up to her. So he runs to Wal-mart to pick up some things. First he gets her some flowers and a smiley face balloon. No she deserves more. Runs to the back to get her favorite ice cream: Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey. Can’t forget the Twix. Then he gets her favorite movie: The Notebook. That will cheer her up. For food he gets some from her favorite Chinese place. He is going to make things better if it kills him.
As he opens the door to their apartment he notices she is not in the hallway. All that is left of her in the hallway is her blood of pain. But wait! A trail to the bathroom! Maybe she is in there trying to clean up and hide her distinguished bruises. He knocks on the bathroom door and says “Hey Baby. I’m so sorry. You know I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. It’s just you were not wearing the right clothes. I got your favorite ice cream and movie. Come on babe. You forgive me. I’m coming in so I can make it up to you.”
As he walks in, she is not dressing her wounds. She is sitting on the toilet with some object in her hand. He tries to tell her sorry again. No answer. He says it again. No answer. She continues to sit on the toilet with the object in her hand looking stupid. His anger starts to rise. Before he knows it, his hand slaps her across the face. She falls off the toilet and bumps her head on the tub. She is knocked out. He grabs the object out of her hand. It’s a stick. Oh this is not your normal stick. When he looks , it reads + +. Two pluses. Oh Sh**he tells his self. You got that right all shi** about to hit the fan!
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This is powerful, it makes me feel so sad and so horrible inside. Love is so powerful, its got a hold on so many people! But good job :)
Love is powerful but at the same time I hate it when people stick in a relationship that is hurting them physically, mentally and/or emotionally. Thanks for your post.
Shit man, the title pulled me in. Then the story hit me over the head.
Sustainably yers, http://www.progressiveu.org/blog/green-underbelly
When I post blog's I try to make them as interesting as possible. The story I wrote is a true story. But the way the story was told was too boring so I tweaked it to pull in people and make people that are going through this realize the signs like "I love you. I did'nt mean to do it. You know I am sorry." Thanks for your comment.
This might be better in the creative writing section?
A suggestion though. It's interesting that you write from the abuser's POV, but stick to one POV throughout the story, don't abruptly switch from him to hers. And:
"That bit**! She knows better! Why would she try to come out of the house looking like that? A skirt that shows her legs and a t-shirt that shows her figure. She is supposed to cover her skin from head to toe. She was going to the grocery store. Not the strip club. Who was she trying to impress? That’s why he had to put her in her place. He loves her but dang! She is so hard headed. She can’t warm his side of the bed right. She takes forever to cook. When she runs him a bath, it’s never hot, it always warm. When he goes to the bathroom she can never hold his thing right so he can aim in the toilet. Cleaning is a task for her. She has to clean the house once, get beat , and then go clean up what she did not clean up right the first time. What was he going to do with her?"
I seriously doubt a guy would think like that. It would probably be more along the lines of, she deliberately wears red to attract mens attention, her skirt is slutty, she doesn't listen to his wishes (he tells her fifty times he hates it when she salts the soup so heavily, and she keeps doing it, etc).
But come on. He needs her to hold his "thing" (do men call their penis a "thing"?) when he urinates? Wtf? That's a bit unrealistic.
Maybe this will help. When I was writing the story , I was trying to put in the log message that this is a true story and no it did not happen to me. The roots of this story came from my fiance. He knew the abuser as his best friend , and the abusee as his friend too. This is why I wrote it from both perspectives. Normally you only get her perspective but my fiance also got his perspective too.
As far as guys being like that, yes that is true. Abusive guys become very jealous and there woman can't show skin. I know from this story, stories I have seen on Maury, and a co- worker of mine went through the same thing and her husband acted exactly like that too.
Holding his thing. Yes that is true. Some abusive men feel that they need so much power and that they are king that they feel they need to be pampered. When I was told this at first , I did'nt believe my fiance until I actually got to talk to the girl on the phone.
Thanks for your opinion.
Including the part about holding his penis just sounds ridiculous since it occurs, I'd say, pretty rarely.
And of course abusive men ACT like that. But the point is, they don't THINK like that.
I have also put this blog in creative writing but have not recieved any feedback.
My point is, it's so rare that it makes the story sound ridiculous. And it makes her sound like an idiot, and it makes it sound unrealistic.
I don't know if you knew this already, but there is also a creative writing section at Progressive U this would probably be better there... This is a very touching story though, I'm sorry that this happened to someone you know. How's the baby?
Never let the world get you further down, it already has the weight of gravity on your shoulders.
One other person told me I should put it in creative writing too. I still don't understand the whole creative writing thing. I have submitted some poems and wrote some comments but that is it.As far as the baby..... well that will be mentioned in in part 2 and 3.Thanks for your comment. Oh yeah, cute baby .
Great work. I do agree that some of the details could be tweaked, but it was still interesting and eye-opening.
F*** Religion. Read more here:
http://www.progressiveu.org/020528-f-religion
So in your opinioin what could I work on to make the story better?
If you were going to work on anything in this story, I would personally just work on getting the fine details in better, find more elaborate words to describe things. Check out some of the short stories on the creative writing section just to get some ideas... that's what I do...
Never let the world get you further down, it already has the weight of gravity on your shoulders.
...finally? Wait, did you completely ignore my post? It's pretty offensive when I give someone suggestions to improve their writing and they don't even notice.
I appreciate your comments. Every single one of them. But what you are asking me to do is pick between the he or the she point of view. I feel like this is what makes my story. Normally people only get to hear from the women's point of view. But this time I sadly got to hear the point of view from both sides.
Now if you can tell me how to make the story good giving only one point of view then tell me. Tell me how I can make it more unique than everyone else's story. Tell me how I can reach out to girl's and grab their attention so they can finally stop letting their boyfriends, or husbands inflict pain upon them mentally , physically, and emotionally with their hands. Tell me how I can get thru to these men that have some mental problems with their childhood or what they have seen in the past or what has been done to them in the past.
Don't get offended. Get happy. You have nothing to be offended over. Just look at what I am trying to say too from my point of view. I apologize for not being perfect. There are times so many people have send me reply’s back to my blogs that I forget to reply to some. And that is what happened. Sadly you got offended.
I appreciate every comment you have given me on this story and others. I appreciate everyone who comment’s and rates my blogs. This tells me out of all the people’s blogs you could have read, you decided to read mine. Yes I followed your opinion on the creative wirting like I said earlier and received no response back.
I believe you are a great writer (better than me). You have been doing this longer than me. I have read some of your blogs and they are really good. I am not trying to upset you or talk back. So get happy because life is too short to get offended.
I'm not asking you to pick one POV for the entire story - only per SECTION. Suddenly switching your POV from paragraph to paragraph is confusing.
I have given you some suggestions aside from the POV, consider them. Your story does not sound very realistic. People don't typically think that way. Domestic violence isn't usually like that.
I was offended because saying "Finally, some feedback" made it sound like my own post had not provided feedback.
If it does not sound realistic then I can't help that.I just heard the story and talked to the people a couple of times. That's it. Just because it not your normal story of abuse does not mean that it did not happen.
Yes your post did provide feedback to me. Just not the POV.
Thanks for your comment again.
i.e., part one is the woman's POV, part two is the man's, or half of part one is the woman's and half is the man's, but you make it clear by dividing that half into two different sections (double paragraph space).
You're writing a story. You can obviously take creative lisence. Also, you have NO IDEA what the guy was thinking. You're making that part up. THAT part is part of what sounds unrealistic.
This was a great story. All I can say is: "Love is blind it can take over your mind.."
When I was hearing parts of the story, I was like wow. I would never want to go through something like this at all.